Go where those others went to the dark boundary

LOOK AT THE PERFECT ART OF MY PERFECT CATS!!!!!

Sometimes art just makes you STOP in your tracks, and this is one of them for me. Female sculptor @brigittelajoinie had created this powerhouse of a metal sculpture: "La Femme qui marche" (2017) - photographed by @zoeforgetphotography

Thank you for this timely question! I am at an airport with time on my hands. This will be a slightly unorthodox proposal, and it is true that I happen to have it on the brain right now, but:

The Count of Monte Cristo.

I was thinking about this and being dubious about it because it seems like it would really work much better for the first half of the novel than the second. But I've come up with a fix, I think.

OK, so basic summary: the young sailor Edmond Dantes, on the day he is supposed to marry his true love Mercedes, is framed and thrown into prison through the collusion of four men who all have different reasons for wanting him out of the way. While in prison he meets a wise old Italian priest who tells him the location of a fabulous buried treasure. After the Italian priest dies, Edmond escapes, finds the treasure, and reinvents himself as the Count of Monte Cristo. After ten years' preparation, he returns to Paris--where all his enemies are, along with Mercedes--and executes his diabolical revenge.

So. For the pre-escape part of the story: I mean obviously, Kermit as the young and idealistic Edmond Dantes, Miss Piggy as the devoted but fiery Mercedes, and Fozzie as Faria. I think the villains should be played by humans, except for Caderousse, who is played by Gonzo. (Were we able to suspend the laws of space and time, I'd want Joe Keery as Fernand, Steve Martin as Danglars, and Vincent Price as Villefort.)

BUT. After Edmond escapes and becomes the Count...he is played by a human actor. Some young and hot comedian who can also do Scary and Brooding. Or maybe a young Denzel Washington. Either way. When interacting with all the villains, the Count is played by this devastatingly suave human actor. BUT. Mercedes is the only person from his past who knows who he is right away. SO. Whenever the Count is seen from Mercedes's point of view...he's played by Kermit.

#you’d need to change the ending though right?#muppet movie has to have Piggy and Kermit (or his human stand in) end up together#I think you could cut Haydee from the muppets version#adaptation license and all#and the count could actually forgive Mercedes#you would also have to do something clever with the whole murdering a child thing#but i would trust the muppet team to handle it#or cut it#it’s been several years since my last read#but this is a very fun exercise

I have...so many Serious Thoughts about the ending, about Haydee as a character, and about the way Dumas creates these fascinating female characters and then criminally misuses them...but this is not the place for them. We are talking about a Muppet movie. So here's what we're gonna do with the ending:

So we get to the big confrontation, the night before the duel with Albert is supposed to happen, when Mercedes confronts the Count and tells him she's always known exactly who she was. Now, in this adaptation, at some point, Mercedes/Miss Piggy is going to lose it and just come at him. She HI-YAAAAAAAAs into the him so hard that she literally chops in him half. Now there are two of him: the Count, played by the human actor, and Edmond Dantes, played by Kermit. At the same time.

Nobody fights Albert. The Count sails off into the sunset with Haydee. Now obviously they're not sailing off as A Couple because he raised her from the age of 11 and we're just, we're not doing that. Haydee is going to be his first mate and they're gonna have High Seas Adventures, probably involving Tim Curry.

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