Ya Mama

affirmations for writers: i know how to write. i have seen sentences before, and i know how to make one. i can identify up to several words and their meanings. i am not afraid of semicolons.

10000 YEAR OLD ROCK ART OF GIRAFFES FOUND IN LIBYA LET'S GO

the worst thing about house of leaves is how Stupid I look reading it in public lmao. yes I know I’m holding the book upside down and turning it in circles

dont piss me off. next time you go on a trip im filling your house with galapagos finches. by the time you return, they've evolved to fill your niche. they're a better spouse to your partner. they're a better parent for your child. and? they're a better friend to me than you ever were.

^mental gymnastics of the forcefield denier

how dumb can you be? it's not a force field because you can see the snow picking back up on the other side. a force field would completely stop the snow. it obviously teleports the snow to the other side of the bridge. duh

I have just learned that Mountain Goats are NOT, in fact, actual Goats.

being moderately proficient with computers in the early 2010s was casting a hex on your family to call you sheldon

i got a big bang theory box set and a bazinga t shirt for christmas when i was 16

my dad wanted to get me a psych eval so i could say "im not crazy. my father had me tested." like sheldon did and after the psych eval they diagnosed me with paranoid schizophrenia

this could be the funniest thing that has happened to anyone ever. my condolences king

had a bad low blood pressure moment last night and messily asked my partner for saltines and water before realizing i should probably ask for the Blood Pressure Medication I Need To Take. while they went to go grab it though i still had water and crackers so in a daze i took a swig of water but didnt swallow and then tried to cram 2 saltines in my mouth. full of water. in bed. with mouth full of water

Oh My God Damn

imagine how much more fucked up the history of the world would be if eating someone's brains reliably conferred on you their memory and knowledge

arts and crafts are killing me. badly

update i’m so powerful i could fuck god if i wanted

this is the experience of being an artist in a nutshell. at all times you are at one of these two poles and you never remember the other exists until it's too late

poker is a hateful game that punishes people who wear their beautiful sensitive heart on their sleeve

I love my job, but reblogging employment jelly for someone else I love.