Crap Box

We’re back at the Hateno Modern Tech Lab (aka the base of Hateno Tower), where our unwitting research assistant is about to lend a hand.

First, I’d like to address a question that we all “know” the answer to, even though we’ve never actually learned it: do enemies reduce weapon durability? The weapons you get from them are always in perfect condition, so obviously they don’t, but it’s never actually been tested. I’m going to give the Bokoblin this Rusty Broadsword, which is one hit away from breaking.

After hitting me with it twenty times, the sword is still fine. Again, this is what I expected, but now it’s on the record.

Now it’s time for the main event: can Bokoblins use the elemental effects of rods, or will they just try to hit you with it? Given the Bokoblin is winding up from twenty feet away, I think I know the answer…

Oof. Yep, they know how to use elemental rods.

It’s a real shame that there aren’t more opportunities for them to get their hands on the things, because it’s a really cool effect! I assume that an enemy who used one of these would also freeze all of their allies… I’ll have to try that sometime.

Next, a shield test. My original idea was “what happens when a Bokoblin is holding just a shield, and you drop a two-handed weapon?” As it turns out, the Bokoblin just never picks up the shield, instead opting to punch and throw rocks. Bokoblins are apparently only interested in shields if a sword is available.

I dropped the sword from the first test on the ground and sure enough, the Bokoblin picked them both up. I was hoping it would at least be interested in the Lynel Shield specifically, since parrying with it does damage, but no dice.

I wondered if it would shoot me if I give it a bow… and it does! This Bokoblin’s default weapon is a torch, so it technically shouldn’t have any arrows… and isn’t programmed to drop arrows when killed. Does having a bow change this?

Nope, no arrows. Oh well.

I didn’t have any expectation that this WOULDN’T work, but it’s still kind of a cool novelty to see a Bokoblin with a five-shot Savage Lynel Bow. Only Lynels have these in the wild, and they always use elemental arrows. While testing, I noticed that the Bokoblin’s accuracy got worse the farther away I was… That probably deserves its own round of testing. Would a sniping bow help them?

Finally, I wanted to give it the Twilight Bow, to see if it’s able to shoot Light Arrows… but like the shield, the Twilight Bow was completely ignored, and the Bokoblin just kept throwing punches. Is it because monsters can’t handle Light Arrows? Are enemies just unable to pick up amiibo-exclusive items?

I tested with both the Sword sword and the Sword of the Six Sages, and the Bokoblin wasn’t able to pick up either of them! I guess enemies just aren’t allowed to use amiibo-exclusive gear, possibly to prevent a situation where an enemy has your weapon and you feel inclined to run away, losing it?

That, unsurprisingly, prompted me to wonder whether enemies can pick up Champion gear, so I set out Urbosa’s Scimitar of the Seven and Daybreaker shield… and, as you can see, the Bokoblin picked them up immediately! It really is just amiibo items, then. Interesting!

“Rejection” erasure poetry by Ben Aaron

“Honey, can you listen to me for a moment? I’m glad you’ve found a new friend, but you need to make sure to look at her face to see if she likes it when you hug her. And if she doesn’t like it, you need to give her space. Okay?”

Two years old, and already her mother was teaching her about consent.

My daughter Sally likes to color on herself with markers. I tell her it’s her body, so it’s her choice. Sometimes she writes her name, sometimes she draws flowers or patterns. The other day I heard her talking to her brother, a marker in her hand.

“Bobby, do you mind if I color on your leg?”

Bobby smiled and moved himself closer to his sister. She began drawing a pattern on his leg with a marker while he watched, fascinated. Later, she began coloring on the sole of his foot. After each stoke, he pulled his foot back, laughing. I looked over to see what was causing the commotion, and Sally turned to me.

“He doesn’t mind if I do this,” she explained, “he is only moving his foot because it tickles. He thinks its funny.” And she was right. Already Bobby had extended his foot to her again, smiling as he did so.

What I find really fascinating about these two anecdotes is that they both deal with the consent of children not yet old enough to communicate verbally. In both stories, the older child must read the consent of the younger child through nonverbal cues. And even then, consent is not this ambiguous thing that is difficult to understand.

Teaching consent is ongoing, but it starts when children are very young. It involves both teaching children to pay attention to and respect others’ consent (or lack thereof) and teaching children that they should expect their own bodies and their own space to be respected—even by their parents and other relatives.

She smiled and said, “Ask him.”

“What?”

“Hold out your hands to him and see if he leans toward you or away from you.” So I did, and he leaned away, and I dropped the subject. Five or ten minutes later, he was leaning towards me, overbalancing and almost falling out of Mystery’s arms, and she said, “He’s asking you to hold him now.” So I did, and it was magical, getting to introduce myself to my nephew and the firstborn of the Sybil family.

I am all about respecting children’s agencies and teaching good boundaries. I didn’t ask at the airport, when Totoro was surrounded by new stimuli and needed the reassurance of his mother. I didn’t ask when we first got back either; I gave him time to settle down, get used to his surroundings, and get used to me in person instead of a moving picture on a cell phone screen. I thought I was respecting his boundaries. But it had never occurred to me that an eight month old, who couldn’t speak or even understand most speech, might be able to establish his own boundaries.

A year later they came to visit again, when he was 19 or 20 months old. The weather was what we Northwesterners call “a bit nippy” and what thin-blooded Midwesterners like my sister call “fucking freezing, are you kidding me?” As we were getting ready to leave the house, Totoro objected vehemently to the need for pants and a coat. Finally Mystery had me stand by and hand her things as she near-literally wrestled him into his clothes. He was screaming and kicking and saying, “No pants, no no, don’t wanna, no Mama.”

And as she worked, Mystery kept talking to him soothingly. “I can hear you saying no, and I understand that you don’t want to wear your clothes, but it’s my job to keep you safe and warm. I know you’re saying no, I can hear that, but it’s very cold outside and I have to keep you safe and warm.” Over and over, reassuring him that she understood what she wanted and that she had a good reason for ignoring his wishes.

And it hit me all over again, an aspect of respecting children’s agencies and boundaries that had never once occurred to me. Because sometimes it is necessary to override their wishes. Part of being a good guardian is keeping them safe even when they want to play in traffic or eat nothing but candy. But I’d never thought about it from Totoro’s point of view, how frightening and how helpless it would feel to scream “no” into an unhearing void. Mystery made sure he knew he was being heard, he wasn’t being ignored, he was important enough to have people react to his words.

I have now been told by two mental health professionals in two days that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES EVER am I to practice traditional Mindfulness exercises

Apparently ‘feeling like I’m dissolving’ and also that ‘I’m rising out of my body’, and being passing-out-exhausted afterwards, are all the complete OPPOSITE of what’s meant to happen

Who knew???

But seriously - this is something that apparently happens to people who are low-key (or not so low-key) disassociating semi-constantly, and is really really not good for you. So if you’re one of those people, like me! then there are other forms of mindfulness that may be more appropriate for you - specifically touch/sensation based, rather than the guided-thinking, breath- and sensory-focusing exercises that make up traditional mindfulness programs/exercises. Talk to your local health care professional if at all possible. 

But basically, if you know you have issues with disassociation, and somebody recommends a mindfulness program to you, BRING UP THE FACT THAT YOU DISASSOCIATE. Because normal mindfulness can be super bad for you. There ARE apparently mindfulness programs that can be helpful, but they have to be catered to the disassociation. So.