just a potato

when you have plans in the morning you can still live an eventful & fulfilling life afterwards but when you've got plans in the afternoon? well that's your whole day

doc, my advice fetish is taking over my life, i just dont know what to do.......... (lecherous look appears in my eye)

cats always step precisely on your most sensitive areas when theyre crawling on you lovingly for cuddles. bladder dick ovaries boobs stomach bruise it doesnt matter. they have homing devices on their paws for the exact area you’re most tender at the moment and they put their full weight into that step. and sometimes they might keep their stance midstride so theyre just standing there forever forcing you to endure the pain. because they are simply too cute to get mad at

Do you remember the episode of Spongebob where he's training gary for the snail race and does a coach persona + calls gary a girl and has an aside where he's like "I called you a lady to demean you 🤓" and right after he says that it cuts to sandy and she somehow telepathically feels that Spongebob just did something misogynistic and us like I feel like I need to kick Spongebobs ass for some reason. And then she appears just at the end of the episode to kick his ass.

Computer loves to be like "fuck! You sure you want to shut down? Youve got volume mixer open"

"focaccia, serves 4" yes all 4 me

"tiramisu, serves 2" yes all 2 myself

“Pie, serves 8” yes I 8 it all

the backrooms are simply not as scary conceptually if there is Something In Them

the whole reason why they're so unnerving is BECAUSE there's nothing in them!! because they're unrelentingly liminal and lonely and uncomforting. there shouldn't be a monster guy in there chasing you. you should glimpse other humans (?) from a distance but they walk away before you can close the gap and then they're gone. things should run away from YOU. do u get it

"and there was a MONSTERowooowwohhhh" the monster is isolation and banal beige sameness and uncanny valley architecture. you fool. you rube. you're putting a hat on a hat and the second hat is not only unnecessary but it ruins the first hat!!!!!!! "there's a monster in there" great so now it's just another place for a monster to be. ridiculous

fine I will concede: you CAN actually put something in there while maintaining the vibes, but it should complement the location instead of just being a generic scary guy you could put literally anywhere

if i made a video game where you get to pick the gender of the player character i'd make both the options be nonbinary and you can either have they/them or it/its pronouns. those are your only options

highly recommend keeping a small portrait of a historical figure who met a grisly end on your work desk. for perspective.