Renée's Fox Den

this post's hypothetical by itself is already ridiculous but the thing that gets me is how the wording implies two very funny things that become funnier in tandem

1. "Accidentally, the pitcher tosses a Christian baby" means this is a mistake on the pitcher's part. i imagine the pitcher is breastfeeding on the field and they pitch and they look down at their hands and they see the ball still in the glove and they go "fuck"

“For those unaware, let me show you how fucking retardedly universe-breakingly strong Donald is.

Flare is a spell type from final fantasy that is reserved for only the strongest individuals. Top level party members, top level enemies, main bosses, and secret bosses are the main users of this spell type. It’s so powerful that it’s been simply referred to as the “Nuke” spell before.

There are multiple tiers of Flare:

Megaflare: used by summons and top level enemies. Mostly known to be used by Bahamut, the strongest summon in the entire Final Fantasy franchise. Although this is it’s basic form

Above that you have Gigaflare: A stronger version of Mega flare. Mostly used by stronger versions of Bahamut, and inter-dimensional demons and secret bosses.

Above that you have Teraflare: this move is exclusive to the abso-fucking-lute most powerful versions of Bahamut. Like, you need to be the strongest motherfucker in the final fantasy multiverse to use this. This is universe erasing shit here

I should mention that Donald gets knocked out/dies after this, either from the strain of using the spell or from the heartless that swarm right after, but even if it’s cast from hitpoints, Donald literally just busted out the most powerful magic move in Square history.

The only other character in Square enix games who used Zettaflare was the third form of Airy in Bravely Default, who at that point had a world eating eldritch abomination powering her. Donald didn’t have any of that backing him up, he literally cast Zettaflare on his own.

Donald fucking duck is canonically the most powerful red mage in square enix history PERIOD.

I’ll do my best to step around story-related spoilers, but tacking a spoiler warning right here at the beginning for people trying to look away.

Towards the last quarter of FFXVI, the player will end up fighting Bahamut, the Warden of Light, who is controlled by his Dominant. Bahamut needs to feast on aether in order to even materialize in the first place, and while aether is an ambient source in the world, you need a VAST quantity of it to even summon his power. Imagine how much aether would be required to cast some of the more insane spells in the franchise.

That’s where the mothercrystals come in. They’re basically these massive crystalline reservoirs of aether that exist all over the world of FFXVI, and act like batteries that soak up the aether from the land into crystal form.

In the world of FFXIV, the mothercrystals have existed since “time immemorial.” They’re said to have been dotting the landscape for all of recorded history, which stems back at least a thousand years. So imagine a mothercrystal just soaking up the ambient energies of the land for a thousand years, and then a maddened dragon coming along and using it as a power booster.

During the fight against Bahamut, you’ll end up fighting tooth and nail to make even a dent in his stamina. Even after you win the first fight, he still has an entire second fight to go through. This time, however, he is empowered by a mothercrystal.

Bahamut’s desperation move, AKA his last resort attack during his second fight, is Zettaflare. The actual Zettaflare, not some cheap cop-out. And he’s only managing to cast this ridiculously powerful attack because he is empowered BY THE MOTHERCRYSTAL.

The spectacle of the moment alone is some of the most heart-pounding stuff I’ve ever experienced in a video game. It is truly incredible, and the scale of the fight makes the Zettaflare cast itself feel dire.

The Owl House fans opening a book that requires you to be older than drinking age and being met with seven back-to-back pages of uncensored Eda tits and pussy and bodily fluids hardcore NSFW: