this is my house

walking a mile in the shoes of someone you dislike is actually kinda awesome because not only are you now a mile away from that idiot but you also have their shoes

people say harebrained is an insult but. ! have you considered the hare is actually doing a reallu really good job atbeing your brain ?

thats right

who up wasting their only shot at life through complete and utter inaction

not me it's get a bag thursday 💯🔥😤

Donate to my kickstarter we're going to put a rock on the moon.

Stretch goal idea at 300% funding: we put two rocks on the moon?

Has science gone too far?

question: is it a sapphic rock

It will be once it's on the moon

He’s speaking…

pls share your limitless wisdom

whats a stereotype for your country that you absolutely do. mine is that i unironically go "eh" and apologize a lot and i often drink maple syrup straight

Stop using the word degenerate to mean horny challenge

When you say "degenerate art" do you know what you're fucking invoking

I mostly post the good things about having a kid but god damn this fucking sucks he won’t stop crying and begging for the fart gun from despicable me because he saw it at the store and now saw it on the movie. I’m going insane but I understand he’s very emotional right now. Still though why are kids so annoying sometimes, he’s not normally like this with random shit he sees at the store.

"I have never seen a cat that showed affection/love for it's owner" is the pet ownership version of "I don't believe in Female Orgasms they don't exist, after all, my wife has never had one"

flaccid penis... it's chic, it's hip, it's the next big thing