Shut up Wesley

forever thinking about that girl at my uni orientation who, after being told to pour out her water bottle before entering an event, looked at me and said "they tell us to stay hydrated and then make us pour out our water, this is like totally kafkaesque" and then poured out what was very obviously an entire water bottle full of whiskey. hope she's doing well.

yes i do ship those characters but i ship them in an infinitely more aroace way than you will ever be able to comprehend

they're not "dating" they're not "a couple" they're intrinsically connected and intertwined with each other for eternity. they're bound together like the stars. get with the program

HOLY SHIT???!!!!!!!

me, looking at a free-roaming monkey wandering around inside a huge tropical greenhouse with real trees and natural-looking water features and everything: omg... reminds me of my friend ryland grace

*looking at the OC I crafted with my own hands* what the actual hell is her problem

Trace amounts of Monica in my life

A statistically insignificant level of Monica in my life

My life manufactured in a facility that also processes Monica

This is gonna sound absurd but I genuinely think that it would have been awesome if in Steven Universe: Future they made Ronaldo into Bismuth's apprentice

I had never considered this before but I'm fully on board

On the one hand, I really like this idea. On the other hand, do we REALLY want Ronaldo to be telling the truth when he says "while you were (fill in the blank), I studied the blade!"

You're right that does make it even better.

Bismuth (off screen): "AND YOU GOT A C-MINUS." Ronaldo: "And I got a C-minus in the blade, yes."

The only thing i have to add to this is that his begginer stuff would not be a dagger. It would be nails. It would be so many goddam nails that he, his family, and the pizza family they are fueding with, would NEVER NEED TO BUY NAILS EVER AGAIN.

He'd give away his nails and because stuff is constantly in need of repair in Beach City they'd get used to fix everything and you wouldn't be able to walk down the boardwalk with this kid without him pointing out all the stuff with HIS nails in it

He'd emboss a shaky little "R" on the head of every one

That would make each nail take three times longer to make but Bismuth would catch him at it and be like "Yeah! Be proud of your work!"

Alright but that would cover Beach City in the “strange symbols of some secret society” that a new conspiracy blogger would have to take up. Personally I think it would be hilarious to see one of the uncorrupted gems follow in Ronaldo’s footsteps

THWAPPIN' AWAY THE ADS :D

wait I have one more story. there's a group of anti-abortion protesters who often set up by the Ethiopian cafe I hang out in, and when I was waiting to cross one of them held up an aborted fetus sign and said "how does this make you feel?" and I said "hungry", and then I was so satisfied by my own cleverness that I missed the lights and stepped off the sidewalk into oncoming traffic

How convenient of the speech bubble to move off to the side!

guards! read me my bedtime yaoi

my liege if you keep having all of the guards come to your bedroom to read you bedtime stories, there will be no one to actually guard the castle during that time!

any intruders are welcome to join us for story time

my liege the enemies to lovers yaoi is affecting your perception of the danger of real enemies.

when will it be my turn.

holy fuck

happy one year to bedtime yaoi