☆ scout ★

Almost 10 years on from the event that sparked the emotions behind that piece, I’m happy to update.

I see lots of things now. I see the city I missed, I see my regulars at work, I see the smiles on my friends faces and the lights of a dancefloor.

I see the floor as my legs give out, I see people’s shoes as they walk past me on the ground. I see the tabletop right as I lose the ability to hold my head up, I see the judgemental stares of strangers, I see security guards watching me as they debate kicking me and my friends from the club.

I see empty beer cans and the bottom of a wine bottle. I see someone I only briefly recognise in the mirror.

I feel more too. I feel the sun on my face, the wind in my hair, I feel my friends embrace.

I feel pain. I feel barely human. I feel like something that was alive once.

I see invites I will decline. I feel guilt. I see what this has done to me. I feel grief. I see my future. I feel angry.