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DEAR READER

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@ratemypoopoos

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I hate that when youβre stressed enough your body just starts falling apart. I think it should realize youβre already stressed and donβt need that and start functioning better actually
one of my favorite posts of all time

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wait I have one more story. there's a group of anti-abortion protesters who often set up by the Ethiopian cafe I hang out in, and when I was waiting to cross one of them held up an aborted fetus sign and said "how does this make you feel?" and I said "hungry", and then I was so satisfied by my own cleverness that I missed the lights and stepped off the sidewalk into oncoming traffic
(me ever since I was 12) okay I actually need to get it together now
(USAmerican trying to imagine a societal environment) Okay, so picture a highway,
inability to correctly perceive 3d objects is in fact far more dangerous when someone is driving a car next to you then when they're like, sending emails to you.
can we focus on the gnome for a second
wait sorry i was not wearing my glasses. that is a cat
these are the people i have to share a highway with
I'm not gonna lie the secret to success for a great many people is absolutely stimulant abuse
Wait hold on what was that
I got curious, so without looking up the reddit thread because I hate reddit, I went to the list of Barbie's careers. Because of course people have dated lists of those.
Her first 28 years are fairly tame, until we reach 1987's Canadian Mountie Barbie. Reasonable odds for a cop, even if they're not a USAmerican cop.
in 1991, we get US Air Force Pilot Barbie, US Marine Corps Sergeant Barbie, US Navy Petty Officer Barbie. There's also 1992's US Army Barbie, if those guys were feeling left out. I'm also ignoring the 1989 US Army Barbie because that one is 100% a stolen valour runway look, not a uniform.
Going to run my autism over those four.
US Navy Petty Officer Barbie is wearing quartermaster's rating insignia, so no combat for her.
US Army Barbie is wearing an airborne maroon beret with no rank insignia that I could see, but she's loaded down with medical supplies, so I'm gonna say combat medic, but only as many kills as her other medical endeavours.
US Air Force Pilot Barbie is wearing a jacket that looks like a Top Gun tie-in. The unit patch is just the USAF coat of arms, and the name patch says she's a Captain. VERY confusingly, the plane on the box art is an F-5, which had just recently been retired. But its USAF usage was almost all in the OPFOR Aggressor squadrons, which is... "come play enemy planes for our training exercises".
US Marine Corps Sergeant Barbie is wearing E-5 Sergeant's insignia, and three medals (she's in dress uniform). To my eye, and allowing for badly printed colours, looks like Navy and Marine Achievement Medal, Marine Corps Good Conduct Medal, and the South West Asia Service Medal. The first two are fairly obvious "Barbie Is Well Behaved" stuff, but uh. That last one though?
USMC Barbie was in Desert Storm.
And if she was in a support role there, well, 1993 gave us USAmerican Cop Barbie. Case closed.

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obsessed
is the willem dafoe fish sexy
yes, he is sexy
he is kind of sexy for a fish
no, he is not sexy
is willem dafoe "fish sexy?"
yes, he is fish sexy
he is fish sexy for a human
no, he is not fish sexy
have we tried substance abuse my liege
this is literally like. Perfect posting

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the villagers: OH MY GOD GET OUT OF HERE ITS A DRAGON ATTACK HES BURNING DOWN THE WHOLE VILLAGE
me noticing the "dragon" actually only has 2 hind legs instead of 4 legs: thats actually a w-
*flames engulf me completely*
you deserve to be lit on fire, dragon is a caragory word, wyverns are a type of dragon
*my jaw bone slowly falls off my charred skeleton with good comedic timing*