A Rare Sight, Apparently

i see myself as a sort of "good wormtongue", feeding constructive advice and affirmations to my sickly liege

I can't help but feel that he has rather more unwizardly motivations for one of these listed activities...

Fine, it’s true, the sea salts are for culinary pursuits and selling at farmers markets. Nothing wizardly about the salts at all.

well not with that attitude• i once made a very nice heaIth potion for one of my fellow homunculi with some „himalayan pink salt„ i got at a burIington coat factory•

wait' what was that about boy kissing¿

Kissing boys can be very magical.

No wizard worth his salt would doubt that powerful axiom

Boys and buoys is a magical combination.

KNW, you can make everything sound a little more lovely. Maybe that your signature spell.

Rabbits just like to be protected from predators so that they can fuck and share arcane secrets 🤷‍♂️

I think to fuck and share arcane secrets is what we all want on some deep level.

KNW, you can make everything sound a little more lovely. Maybe that your signature spell.

Rabbits just like to be protected from predators so that they can fuck and share arcane secrets 🤷‍♂️

It's okay, champ. You'll find someone new. Don't pick at old wounds.

you want me so bad it makes you look Intelligent and good taste

Don’t do this to me KNW! I’m trying to manifest an aura of mystic magic!

waking up in the wee hours of the morning to mix the dough for my png jpg and gif files so that they have enough time to rise before they bake all afternoon

Okay, so I'm still taking that correspondence course on blennology (the study of slimes) at the wizard college, but one of the other students in the course wants to meet up in person and be "study buddies" and okay on the one hand yeah I wouldn't mind more socializing but on the other hand I kind of suspect he may just want to use me for observations and experiments (I am the only actual slime enrolled in the class).

It can be heart breaking to find out they only want your for your body. I know this feeling all too well. They look past my wizard hat and only want me for my wizard beard.

Son! You deserve better than to be used by your study buddies for your lovely slimy body! Would you like me to talk to the dean about this?

I'm not afraid to make some noise to get justice for my boy! But it will be done in a kind, encouraging, and diplomatic way. Of course. I have a long history of quietly convincing school officials to enforce rules in a just manner.

Okay, so I'm still taking that correspondence course on blennology (the study of slimes) at the wizard college, but one of the other students in the course wants to meet up in person and be "study buddies" and okay on the one hand yeah I wouldn't mind more socializing but on the other hand I kind of suspect he may just want to use me for observations and experiments (I am the only actual slime enrolled in the class).

It can be heart breaking to find out they only want your for your body. I know this feeling all too well. They look past my wizard hat and only want me for my wizard beard.

Son! You deserve better than to be used by your study buddies for your lovely slimy body! Would you like me to talk to the dean about this?

But do reach for the stars! You can do anything, champ! I believe in you. Maybe leave the birds alone though.

I need to get into the dimensional insurance game. There's currently nobody alive in that dimension to collect, right? Might be able to make some money with a touch of the time travel

But that means you could go back in time to stop the disaster…

Why the hell would I do that, rather than insurance fraud???

I have been imprisoned in a crystal by the time IRS

This was all so avoidable if we had both listened to a kinder wizard.

I'm already whittling replacement cows as fast as I can

Just a point of clarification: When I say I was created in a vat by an evil wizard, what I mean is that an evil wizard created me. I don't mean that the vat I was created in was by an evil wizard, as in located in the vicinity of an evil wizard. I'm sure the vat was by the evil wizard during at least part of the process, but I'm also pretty sure the evil wizard wasn't standing next to the vat the whole time. He probably spent a lot of time while I was congealing or whatever off doing evil wizard things.

If that gif is supposed to imply that the evil wizard who created me was a neglectful and uncaring parent, then I mean first of all yeah that's not really news and secondly I think to some degree that kind of goes with the whole "evil" thing. There's a reason his tumblr handle isn't @kindlynurturingwizard.

Blink twice if you need to be adopted by a better dad

Uh, I mean... thanks for the offer, but I kind of think I don't really need a parental figure at this point in my life? It's not like the evil wizard provides for me or anything; I left his castle not long after he created me. Well... except maybe the copy of me that fell down a pit. That me might still be there.

The fact that you don't live with your dad doesn't inherently mean that you don't need to be adopted by a nicer dad. I could send you nice care packages for Christmas and call you once a week to see how you're doing and stuff.

Well, I mean... I guess yeah that would be nice but I'd feel kind of guilty about all that trouble being taken for me. I'm sure there are other slimes and magical creatures around that need a father figure a lot more badly than I do.

There is room in the heart of KNW for all

I'm proud of you, son. Good job with the oozing.

Thanks. I kind of think maybe I'm better at seeping, though. Maybe I should practice oozing more.

You can do anything you put your mind to, son! I hope you like the peanut brittle I made you, it should be arriving in your next care package.

Just a point of clarification: When I say I was created in a vat by an evil wizard, what I mean is that an evil wizard created me. I don't mean that the vat I was created in was by an evil wizard, as in located in the vicinity of an evil wizard. I'm sure the vat was by the evil wizard during at least part of the process, but I'm also pretty sure the evil wizard wasn't standing next to the vat the whole time. He probably spent a lot of time while I was congealing or whatever off doing evil wizard things.

If that gif is supposed to imply that the evil wizard who created me was a neglectful and uncaring parent, then I mean first of all yeah that's not really news and secondly I think to some degree that kind of goes with the whole "evil" thing. There's a reason his tumblr handle isn't @kindlynurturingwizard.

Blink twice if you need to be adopted by a better dad

Uh, I mean... thanks for the offer, but I kind of think I don't really need a parental figure at this point in my life? It's not like the evil wizard provides for me or anything; I left his castle not long after he created me. Well... except maybe the copy of me that fell down a pit. That me might still be there.

The fact that you don't live with your dad doesn't inherently mean that you don't need to be adopted by a nicer dad. I could send you nice care packages for Christmas and call you once a week to see how you're doing and stuff.

Well, I mean... I guess yeah that would be nice but I'd feel kind of guilty about all that trouble being taken for me. I'm sure there are other slimes and magical creatures around that need a father figure a lot more badly than I do.

There is room in the heart of KNW for all

I'm proud of you, son. Good job with the oozing.

okay im gonna heal you with my rhodonite amulet now but I hope you don't find it weird. im doing this to help you recover. IT IS NOT A SEX THING unless you want it to be and we both communicate that clearly beforehand

I’m kinda busy, can I get a rhodonite to go? You can just plop it into my travel mug.

Okay, just so long as you understand that it could be a sex thing if you wanted. And that I even brought my sex amulet in case you were interested