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I have no idea

i really hope you find it... i thought the same - that i'd never have it - but eventually, somehow, the opportunity came and i took it. even though it meant becoming homeless with my cat, it was my only way to get out and it was really hard (they weren't just gonna "let me leave" without issues lol...) but i had to do it or die living in that house because i was going to attempt again. and even the fear of the unknown was a lot less crippling than the unavoidable hopelessness and despair that would come from staying there. so, for your sake, i really hope you get that opportunity to leave sooner than later.

and when you do, even though it seems scary because freedom comes with a whole lot of decisions you were never allowed to make, things you have to figure out... despite all that, remind yourself that it's that or stay stuck forever. dont let that fear turn you away from your chances to get away. that's what they want you to do which is why they don't let you decide anything for yourself. now it would seem so overwhelming that you would feel like you couldn't leave if you wanted to. like you could never figure it out on your own or dont even know where to start.

it may be new uncharted territory for you but it's not as scary as staying with your abusers for the rest of your life, wondering when you'll be hurt next, regardless of it being physically or not. and feeling like you're trapped when you know you deserve so much more. im so sorry about the cards you were dealt but i guess all we can really do at this point is try to make the best of it that we can. but that can only ever happen once we're out of those situations, because they'll never let you grow or become stable or happy as long as you're there.

but i really do believe in you, angel. i hate how much your story sounds similar to my own because i know how much you're hurting and im sure that so many times it feels immeasurable and indescribable. but we're all here for you - and when you leave, a support system is a must. for most of us on here, our lifeline is obviously the people here. we may be online but we'll still be here and we support each other through the worst times, our lowest points. and are often more trustworthy than the shitty people in our daily lives anyways.

i cannot emphasize this enough but you're such a kind and sweet soul who deserves so much more love and freedom than life has given you so far. and i hate it, but i also cant wait for you to find your way out of there and it'll make freedom that much sweeter. hang in there, angel. as long as you can. we love you and we're here for you. you have a whole family on here cheering behind you, rooting for you, waiting for the day you can finally break free. because we know you can. and we know you'll love being able to stretch your wings and choose your own path for yourself. so many opportunities and choices youve wanted to make and you finally have the option to.

side note: and yes, i still have my cat and we've since added a new cat to our family, a few years back. :) so it's the three of us against the world lol

This is one of the most touching things anyone has ever sent me in my whole life and it hit me so hard that my throat tightened and tears just started coming, I had to hide so I could cry and I kept rereading it again and again and the tears kept coming..

I’m torn between so much sadness knowing you were in a similar situation too, you must have felt so alone and misunderstood in those moments and it breaks my heart that so many of us go through this, even more than we think, I really believe that

Living while feeling abused and then misunderstood by everyone, even the people who were supposed to protect us, feeling like the whole world is against you and wondering why everything turned out this way, it’s so suffocating and trapping

Another part of me is filled with joy and relief that you managed to leave despite all the fear, the sacrifices and everything it took, you didn’t deserve what they put you through, you deserved so much better and I’m so proud you got out and fought for a better future even if the beginning was scary and hard, and I’m glad you had your little cats with you, they must be adorable <3 I’m sure they’re happy with you, you seem like such a gentle soul, I’m still so sad they were so unfair to you ..

I’m rambling but it feels good to feel even a little understood when the rest of life never was, I wish things had been different for me, a lot different honestly, I would have loved to have a loving family and parents who actually protected me and loved me like other parents do, I’ve lost count of all the things I wish I could have experienced and all the things I wish I’d never known

I hate how my life turned out growing up and what makes me saddest is that I was so close to finally being free, I was 17 and everything could have changed but it all went wrong and I blame myself so much

Anyway I’m rambling again there’s so much to say, I grew up being abused by an extremely violent and controlling father and a mother who was almost never there and did nothing to protect me, I had a bit of luck in my suffering though because we lived in an isolated house with a huge beautiful garden and a stream running through it, I could play there and imagine all kinds of stories and adventures in my head, I’ve always been very curious but I think it was amplified because I was escaping my reality through imagination and I still do it now, it’s part of me I guess

I’m still grateful I had that garden and the forest even through everything, it was basically the only place I was allowed to go, I was forbidden from playing in the village like the other kids even as a teenager so I played almost entirely alone my whole life and escaped with video games, fantasy movies and books

Bolt is absolutely adorable!