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ANYWAY, LET ME START OVER!!! So since I got my code recently, yesterday I went to sign up for my driving lessons, all the driving schools closest to me were full so I had to sign up at one a bit further away!! Eihh anyway so yesterday I went there to sign up, the guy was so nice and funny!! I have an appointment on September 11th to do the driving simulator so he can see about how many hours I'll need, basically to evaluate my level, and then around mid-September/end of September I'll normally start the actual lessons but since the driving school is pretty far and no one can drive me there I'm gonna have to walk like at least 1h to get there so I need to try to get back into a good rhythm and go to bed early and basically have a normal routine like everyone else because uhh… I talked about it recently but things haven't been great and it's been like that for years, I'd even mentioned putting my phone in the kitchen at night so I don't use it!! Well I was supposed to do that but I still haven't started so well I'm gonna start tonight and I'll write down every time before I sleep whether I did it or not and in the morning I'll write down if I managed to hold out the whole night without grabbing it again (because knowing myself I could totally crack and go get it in the middle of the night :'))

ahhhh and for everything I'll try to get back into a good rhythm, honestly I need to reorganize my whole life lol to feel better, right now I'm trying to go outside every day and get some sun often but it's not very rhythmic yet, in the sense that I don't do it every day and at random times, on a whim you know, actually I don't want to go out at set times every time, and honestly for everything, I don't want to do things all squared off at precise times lol but more like, for example, get used to going out every morning and every evening, I've already started building a little rhythm where I take Bolt out every evening (because it's so hot during the day I can't take him out in conditions like that..) anyway I'm rambling but yep! I need to try to get back into a little rhythm to be in shape for my driving lessons but I still have time since it's not until mid-September!! And also I hope my instructor will be cool :')

aww bolt say hii to you <3 ^-^ !!!

You're just a cherub- a child and, you've already experienced so much cruelty. Please know that you are not only not alone but, there are many others past and present, that share your experiences. The harm, degradation and neglect you've been put through is the result of broken people having children and using them as a lightning rod for all of their negativity. You are strong, angelic, intelligent and deserving of the world. Please, hold onto hope that you will make it out of here because you will. You will heal, grow and turn this pain into love.

Continue documenting your experiences in a journal, take pictures of each entry and upload them to a safe site; try to record any verbal incidents and if you are ever physically harmed- take pictures and upload them to a Google drive. Also, if you are able to, please try to reach out to trusted people outside of this awful household, collect phone numbers for child safety hotlines and seek friendship with your peers irl who may have safe households.

Keep shining and never let them steal your light, little angel! ♡︎

thank you sweet soul .. that really got to me. i wish i could document everything like you said but one of my abusers has access to my accounts so if i kept any proof he’d just delete it and it could make things worse for me. but thank you for the advice anyway, i know it came from a good place <3

and honestly i don’t really have anyone i trust right now. my mom is controlling and defends my other abusers, her boyfriend does too, even my grandparents.. i’ve lost trust in outside systems and authorities too because of bad experiences i had when i was younger and even recently. no one has ever really protected me or actually listened

but with all this chaos i’m genuinely happy to be here on tumblr, surrounded by such lovely people even if we’re all scattered across the world <3