𝕶𝖆𝖙

Manipulation is when they disturb your peace, provoke you, trigger your mental health, and then blame you for your negative reactions.

I live my life in a constant state of grief of what I did, what I didn’t do, and what I can never do.

Unfortunately I don’t wanna be close to anyone anymore sorry.

I don't wish to die, rather I desire to not exist. To not have to experience this anymore. To never have been born. To go to sleep, forever. There is such bliss in nothingness, that I will never get to feel.

half of my time spent in public spaces consists of me wondering if i’m acting normal enough

I was in my bed alone missing him while he was inside another girl. Touching her everywhere. While she was touching him. Holding him. When he was supposed to be mine. Holding her face and kissing her. Holding her legs up. Asking if she liked it. While I was so fucking madly in love with him.

I’m not even asking for you to go above and beyond. I just want you to at least match my effort.

In a weird place where I’m not waiting around for you anymore but if we were given the opportunity to try again with the healed version of ourselves I would take it.

Stuck in a place between “I know I deserve better” and “but I love him and want to keep trying.”

I never understood the concept of being in a relationship without the title. I don’t see how you can lay and cuddle with someone, go out and have fun with, have conversations, exchange intimate words, give your body, time, and energy and a large piece of your mind and heart to someone who you’re not with or intend to be with in the near future. You’re just with them for entertainment and temporary fulfillment to pass the time, which is a WASTE OF TIME. You build a bond with someone for no reason. Half the time, one person wants the actual relationship but settles. I feel like situations like this are becoming super common and are devaluing the sacredness of relationships, marriage and love. That’s just me though.