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Pit
I was so innocent back then. Now looking back, I guess it was because of that I fell into a pit of ignorance.
That ignorance being you.
In that pit were waters of your words that I drowned in. In that pit I saw the rays of your beauty that blinded me. In that pit I suffocated in the promises you made me.
Looking back while realizing now, I knew one thing was for sure. You were more to me than I was to you.
Weakness Overcame
I wrote a piece for my âFilipino Speech/Retorikaâ Class. We were told to write our own speeches and to perform it. Since it was a Filipino Class, the speech had to be in Filipino so I wrote mine in English and asked my friend to translate it for me. I had to had it translated because I couldnât make one in the native language myself. Filipino is a weakness of mine. Well youâll understand it once you read the piece below. I got a 92 out of it so, shout-out to my friend. The translated one will be below the English version.
Twisted Language
Good afternoon fellow classmates. Good afternoon Dr. Cabrera. I'm here today to impart a message; a message from a person who has difficulty in our own language.
I ask you, do you know what it feels like to enter a room where everyone's talking but you don't know what they're talking about? Not because you have no idea on what's being talked about but because you have no idea what language they're using to talk. All you can do is just nod and agree; to pretend that you understand them so that you don't get embarrassed.
That's how I feel every time I'm in this class and all the times I was in a Filipino-speaking only class. There are times of complete blankness whenever I hear unfamiliar words being spoken. Yes I'm able to speak in Tagalog but not in the sense that I understand most of what I hear people say. Let's say I'm in a conversation with someone and we're speaking in Tagalog. If that person suddenly uses words I'm not familiar with but the conversation keeps going, my mind begins to shut down and the whole flow of the conversation is ruined. Sometimes I ask what the meaning of that word I didn't understand was but sometimes, out of shame I just let it go.
In all the classes I've attended in the past such as Filipino 1, Filipino 2, Filipino Psychology and even my Filipino subjects in High School, I've always had to confront our teacher and ask for consideration even though it seemed unfair to the other students. But it also seemed unfair for me if I continued to go on in a class which I didn't understand most of the time without trying to ask for consideration. Luckily, all my teachers understood my situation and gave me a consideration for my lack of understanding in Filipino. But that didn't mean that the work became easy as that's what I always wanted to avoid. I still participated in every class activity like everyone else, with the only difference that our teacher was lenient with me.
I blame my not growing up here in the Philippines for not being able to comprehend our language very well. I grew up abroad with an Arab for a father so Tagalog was not always a part of the household language. I still graduated from a Filipino School and was surrounded by Filipinos growing up but that wasn't enough as you can see.
Everything I did in all my Filipino classes whether it be an assignment, a project or seat-work, I always had to ask for help. Even in the construction of this essay I needed help. This translation is not one written by me but of my friend. I wrote my essay in English then my friend helped translate to what you're listening to right now. I tell this to you because even though I've been given consideration, I would still like to be honest about my works and not take credit for someone who helped me. If I learned anything in all my Filipino classes as someone who couldn't understand most of the time, it's that I managed to survive it all through the help of the people around me. And I thank you all for that. Thank you.
Wikang Baluktot
(translated by Herrero-Cruz, H.)
Magandang tanghali aking mga kapwa kamag aral. Lalung lalo na po sainyo Dr. Cabrera, magandang tanghali po. Narito ako ngayon sa inyong harapan upang magbahagi ng isang mensahe; Isang mensahe galing sa isang taong hindi ikinakaila sainyong lahat na sya'y hindi dalubhasa sa kanyang sariling wika- ang wikang Filipino.
Nais ko kayong tanungin, naranasan niyo na bang pumasok sa isang silid at hindi maunawaan ang sinasabi ng mga tao sa loob nito? Hindi dahil sa hindi ninyo alam ang kanilang pinag-uusapan, bagkus dahil hindi ninyo batid ang wikang kanilang ginagamit. Wala ka nalang ibang gagawin kung hindi tumango at sumang-ayon; sa pag nanais na hindi mapahiya nang dahil dito.
Ito ang aking pakiramdam at nararanasan sa tuwing ako'y naririto. May mga pagkakataon pang literal na blangko ang aking isipan sa mga naririnig kong salita na minsan o di kaya nama'y bago sa aking pandinig. Kayo'y siguro nagtataka. Oo, marunong ako magsalita ng wikang Filipino ngunit katulad ng aking sinabi, madalas ang pagkakataong hindi ko maintindihan ang mga salitang aking naririnig. Katulad na lamang kung ako'y may kausap at sya'y biglang gumamit ng hindi pamilyar na mga salita, ito'y nagiging dahilan upang ang aming buong pag-uusap ay maging magulo at komplikado.
Sa mga klaseng aking pinagdaan, katulad na lamang ng Filipino 1 at 2, Filipino Psychology at pati ang Filipino noong ako'y nasa mataas na paaralan pa lamang, lagi kong kailangang kausapin ang aking mga guro tungkol sa aking kalagayan at humingi ng simpleng konsiderasyon. Kahit na paminsan ay aking naiisip na ito'y hindi patas sa aking mga kamag-aral. Ngunit kung aking iisipin, hindi rin patas kung ako'y magpapatuloy sa isang klase na hindi ko naman talagang naiintindihan nang hindi manlang humingi ng tulong at konting konsiderasyon. Ako'y mapalad sapagkat ang mga gurong ito na aking sinasabi ay mauunawain. Ngunit hindi ibig sabihin nito na naging madali para sa akin ang lahat lalung-lalo na't iyon ang aking iniiwasang mangyari.
Nais kong sisihin na ako'y hindi ipinanganak at lumaki sa bansang ito. Ako'y lumaki sa ibang bansa at may Arabong ama kaya naman ang wikang Filipino ay talagang hindi madalas gamitin sa aming tahanan. Ako ma'y nagtapos sa isang Filipinong paaralan at may mga kaibigang Filipino, ito'y hindi naging sapat katulad ng inyong nakikita.
Sa lahat ng aking ginawa sa mga klase kong Filipino, takdang aralin man ito, proyekto, o pagsasanay, hindi maaaring hindi ako humingi ng tulong. Kahit sa pag gawa ng talumpating ito ay kinailangan ko ng tulong. Isinulat ko ito sa wikang Ingles at ang aking kaibigan ay tinulungan akong isalin ito sa Filipino. Ito'y aking lakas loob na sinasabi sainyo sapagkat ako ma'y nabigyan ng konsiderasyon, nais kong maging tapat sa aking mga gawa at hindi kailanman aangkinin ang puri na para sa mga taong walang sawang tumutulong sa akin. Isa lang ang alam ko, aking nalagpasan ang kahinaan kong ito dahil sa tulong nila. Kaya ako'y lubos na nagpapasalamat mula sa aking puso. Maraming salamat po.
May 17, 2015 - 10:20 am
How did I not see the signs clearly back then though? I mean, I did have some doubts and I did see some hints pointing to what I just found out. Everyone told me me to watch out. They told me they too saw something that made them question as well but I didn't listen 'cause I somehow believed otherwise. At the moment of this composition, I'm in a state of shock, confusion, and a bit of hurt all at the same time. Shock because this is all unbecoming of that person. I never thought this is what I would come to find out because this was not what I knew of that person. I mean, this was a person worth respecting though I'm not saying I've lost my respect for that person. I guess that's what I'm saying for now? Idk. Confusion because, I didn't know that person felt the way they did. I didn't know they had a different perspective in life or that they would come to reveal themselves as like that. Now I'm not trying to shame anyone here. This is all just too much of a revelation for me and I can't seem to process all of them properly. Hurt because I, because I kind of fell at some point for that person for who they were then and to find out who they are now and how I found out and the fact that they just told me now is hurtful in my part because I already made up a mental image/standard/model of that person in my mind. And whatever it is in my life, change should never have to intervene. Change has always been hard for me and for this big part of my life to change so drastically is really making me feel like shit. Hurt because listening to that person talk about their different affairs makes me wish it was me. Talk about irony. Now I'm just silent while sitting in the same room with that person because I don't know how to initiate a conversation and knowing me, I always initiate a conversation. I'm at a loss for words and I'm feeling maybe they're picking up that I'm so quiet all of a sudden but I also feel that they're oblivious to it. So many questions to ask that person that I want answered but at the same time don't. When, what, why, who, where, when, but no, I don't want to Why now though. Why am I finding out about this now? Now that I'm so vulnerable. Is this the world's way of making fun of me? Ha! Maybe so. Make me miserable why don't you? I don't know why I'm making a big deal out of all this. I mean, I'm not against the whole change in perspective or anything. I guess it's the person's change that's making me feel like this. I just want to leave their house right now and just go home and waddle in my own sorrow and misery but if I leave too abrupt, that would be rude. But somehow, that's what I want to be at the moment; rude. This is all too much. I gotta get some air. My brain is generating so many questions, my heart is palpitating like crazy, my arms and legs are weak and my whole entire being feels like it's been cut in half, minced to pieces and then fed to the dogs. Let them have a taste of my pain 'cause I sure don't want to. I don't know whom to talk to about this as this seems to be a delicate issue. I wouldn't want to put the person's reputation in jeopardy. But my feelings are affected too right? Am I not allowed to speak of this to anyone? Is that what they would want? But should I sacrifice my sanity for their protection? Aren't my feelings as important as well? I've sacrificed a lot in my life and I'm not about to sacrifice more because of this. I've made up my mind. I'm going to talk about this to someone. This is just going to eat me up until nothing's left of me.
May 17, 2015 - 2:15 am
Itâs times like these when I envy the people around me. Having a significant other means never having to worry about not having someone in your life. Well, here I am possibly on the verge of hopelesness. Iâm practically listening to the love escapades of the person I might actually have feelings for. And the saddest part is, whatâs being shared to me is of that person liking someone else. How messed up and pathetic is that? Iâm forced to listen while I pretend I feel nothing.
Sometimes I worry that I may always suffer from unrequited love; that Iâll always fall in love with a person without the person returning the feelings. Call it a âone-sided relationshipâ if you must. This worry has become evident in my life as everyone Iâve ever deeply invested my feelings in has never come to love me the way I did them.
Iâm afraid that someday I might live a life, may be it a life filled with success, failure or somewhere in between, and still not have someone by my side. If Iâm lucky, I might have the worldâs love and attention but not the love and attention of the person I love. On the other hand, life may hand me disappointments and lead me to a life filled with failure and I still wonât have someone to run home to to console me. Either way, Iâm miserable.
Itâs 2:20 in the morning of May 17th 2015 and Iâm laughing at the irony of my situation. I may have to face the fact that I might die alone. Ha! That kind of seems unfortunate but I guess thatâs how life wants it for me. Itâs necessary that I be miserable for the order of things to stay in check. Funny.

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Oh yeah! :) #champions #vocapella #gvabreshuns #etc #solarentertainment #blessed
Yes. Please.
"Why?" Seriously?
Some don't get why I hold and inhabit so much hate and angst or why my Facebook wall posts consists of negative forms energy getting released. I don't even know why myself. "Why" is the perfect question.
Some also don't get why I put so much energy on my problems or even yet why my problems are so confusing to them. To them it's like I have very odd problems; problems that really don't need any fussing about. Even if I try to explain it to them, the reactions and replies don't really change.
This is one of many reasons why I don't open up to anyone. Because besides that they can't help, they don't even understand me to begin with. I guess no one will. I'm always gonna be that person who has "weird problems that don't seem important enough to worry about but still does."
I got the idea to write this blog after a night out with a friend. We were chatting about personal matters. One thing led to another and it seemed that in the middle of our conversation, one of the problems I've been dealing with for awhile suddenly was added onto the conversation. Or maybe it was I who added it by accident. The moment it was out there though, this reaction was suddenly voiced out: "Until now I still don't get why you're doing that..." (referring to what I did to solve my problem). I didn't react right then on out. I mean I didn't think about it until I was on my way home.
What bothered me about this reaction was that even after countless times of confiding on that person on that particular problem, they still didn't get why I was doing what I was doing to get rid of that problem or why there was even a problem to begin with.
Am I really that hard to understand. Are my problems really not that big of a deal? Don't I make myself clear enough? Are my problems really not worth anyone's time? These are questions that suddenly flooded into my mind's core.
This is why I don't like opening up to people despite encouragement from friends when they know I need someone to talk to. It's because of this. It's reactions like these that inhibit me from talking about it because no one seems to understand. I can't help but question everything. No one really understands what I'm going through nor will one ever. Even if they tried, they'd still end up wondering why I've got a problem like this or that. I guess it's my own fault I guess for having these problems to begin with.
Everyone's got their own problems in life. I'm there for yours. Can you be there for mine?
Funny Twist, Serious Turn.
I've been thinking and that sometimes isn't good. But I've realized something. In line with my previous blog about the person I've come to show a big amount of resentment, I realized that I don't hate them after all. I mean if I did, I would have already cut them out of my life. But you see, no matter how hard I try even if I wanted to, I just can't seem to. It's not because I'm weak or afraid to lose them even though it already looks like I already have, but it's because I don't have it in me to be a bad friend. I just don't. I mean, even after all this I still have it in me to support them in their current endeavors. And that's not me being plastic and fake. No. I'm actually being genuine about it. I even stayed up all night just to find out about a certain friend's situation in a national competition one time. So you see, it's not hate that fueled my anger towards this person. I guess I was just resentful towards them. That still doesn't change the way I feel about them though. Like I said, I may resent the person but that doesn't mean I can't continue to be a good friend without asking anything in return. I guess I should just move on and just carry on supporting. This time though I'm not going to expect anything from them anymore.
What made me realize all of this was this post I read off a friend's Facebook page. It said the following:
"The happiest part of being a friend is when you see them happy and successful with other people and the saddest part is when they already forgot the things that you have done for them. But a true friend is someone who stayed and who is willing to still accept them no matter how painful it was for him/her to be forgotten. A friend, "even not in need", is a friend indeed."
S.G.
That indeed, is true. I've always been happy with any of my friend's success and accomplishments. And about them forgetting the things you do for them is also true. But I love the next line though. I know I'm not their only supporter but I would like think that I matter, that's why I still support them. I just don't have it in me to be a bad friend and just leave them hanging. And I've been complaining about how bad of a friend this person's been. How would I be any better if I did the same thing to them? How would I be any better if I did what they did to me? Pretty much as bad as them. I've tried countless times to forget about them so that it would just be easy for me. I promised myself to be a true friend to everyone and I'm not about to stop right about now.
I don't care if I don't get anything in return this time. Because this time I know I won't expect anything from them. I won't expect anymore, from them at least. But one thing's for sure, that they can rest assured that I'm gonna be there no matter what. Cause if I continue on the path I am at right now, I might end up having someone who's in my situation who hates me because I did the same thing to the person I'm having my current situation with now. It just might as well bite me in the behind right? But no. I won't let that happen. I won't let hate, bitterness and disappointment get in the way of how I treat other people. Especially those who really deserve my time and energy.
Cause when it comes down to it, I would like to be remembered as "The friend who was always there no matter what."
Toxic
A recent blog happened to appear on my news feed on Facebook and I found the title of the blog intriguing so I clicked it and read it. Numbers 1 & 5 spoke to me a lot. The reason it caught my attention was because I am in a toxic friendship with a certain person right now and it took me until now to finally realize that. All this time I felt there was something off between us and I never really couldnât quite understand what it was but I knew something was wrong. I guess I didnât want to face the harsh reality that this person wasnât really a friend. If they were, then I guess Iâd call them âToxicâ.
What is the meaning of âToxicâ? According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, it is defined as: extremely harsh, malicious, or harmful. What does that have to with anything you ask? Well if youâre in a toxic relationship with anyone, whether it be platonic or romantic, then the words âextremely harsh, malicious, and harmfulâ totally fit the description. Why? Because if youâre not entirely happy with whatâs going on between you and your friend and somehow it becomes a one sided relationship where youâre always the giver and you get nothing in return then thatâs toxic. Because the more you continue to be friends with that toxic person, youâre only hurting yourself in ways you cannot even imagine. God forbid you physically abuse yourself but thatâs beyond the point. Youâre constantly wanting more out of this person but this person never really dishes out. You keep expecting for better treatment only to end up with disappointment. Youâre constantly bothered by the fact that you canât seem to break free of them because you know how important they are to you and yet they treat you like scum. Youâre then confronted by these decisions like âshould I give up and end it?â or âforgive them. Theyâll make it up to meâ. Youâre blinded with optimism and false hopes that you hold on tight to the ropes that they drag you along with hoping that theyâll stop and notice how theyâre treating you. Let me tell you, if your friendâs sensitive to your feelings, theyâll notice it and do everything they can to make it up to you but if your friendâs as insensitive as mine is, then you can just hope and dream that theyâll do something about it.
This friend of mine has no idea that Iâm ranting about them. And even if they did, Iâm not sorry that theyâre reading this nor am I sorry for even writing this. Youâre probably all thinking: âWhy not just confront them and tell them this?â. I already did. I tried to tell them only to get shot down. Iâm immature and need to grow up they say. Ha! At least I know the value of friendship and know it enough to make a statement when i know Iâm not treated right. You can have all the achievements and awards in the world but thereâs no greater award than being a good friend and having someone to share youâre life with. Whatâs the point of having recognition when all you can do is bask in it by yourself?
Now Iâm haunted by the decision if whether I should really end this friendship or not. Yes Iâm that stupid to even make this kind of decision when the answerâs pretty obvious.
To everyone out there, if youâre the kind of person my friend is, then I urge you to fix things with those friends youâve mistreated and taken for granted. Do not wait for them to give up on you and hate you in the process. You might have looked past the numerous "second chances" theyâve given you.
Do not let it come to this...

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This. This. This. #1 #5
Kris Aquino has a lot of shit floating around her life, mostly coming from her own stupid mouth. But amidst all the publicly-open relationship dramas sheâs had, amidst all the shit sheâs done recently, and amidst her brother actually being the President of the damn country. Kris Aquino...
[106] workcycle
Mood Swings: A Phase or Permanent?
Am I depressed? Sometimes I donât know anymore. Iâve been experiencing a lot of weird things lately. Like a loss and gain of appetite. Toss and turnings whenever I go to sleep. Sudden mood swings. Feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. There are times when I just want to cry. Yes I said it like a man. I cry. Are these symptoms of mine directly related to depression? Should I self diagnose myself as clinically depressed? I have had suicidal thoughts before but never acted upon it. Iâm not really that kind of person to even consider committing suicide. I guess Iâm just not there yet.
Lonely and confused might be the right term to describe the state Iâm currently in. Why? I donât know. Hence the âconfusedâ part of my current state.
Stupid. I feel so stupid lately. Stupid for thinking that I could actually amount to anything other than just an average student who can sing well and teach harmonies. No matter what I do, I always feel that it isnât enough. Just like a great song I know with lyrics that go, âGuess Iâm still not good enoughâ, I actually feel worthless. Stupid because I actually still believe in a certain person. Stupid because I asked the wrong person for help. Stupid because I didnât get any advice from it other than âkaya mo yanâ (âyou can do it.â). Well I guess something good came out of it like I got to vent a lot of things that were bothering me. But despite that, I still canât help but wonder if I was really being listened to or just being endured for the sake of just âwanting to helpâ. I felt so stupid afterwards because I didnât get what I wanted which was advice from a person I actually thought would help. If I sound mean, well Iâm sorry. I really am. You really didnât even try to help me aside from listen which makes me question why I came to you in the first place. I still canât believe I thought youâd actually be able to help me. Maybe because I looked up to you that I thought maybe you would have some good advice to give me. But no. When a person tells you that they donât have anyone to turn to, itâs assumed that youâre supposed to be concerned and actually give advice. Listening is one thing, helping is another. You keep saying that youâre there. But are you really? Will you even âtryâ to make it up to me? These are questions I already have the answer to. I am still grateful though for at least listening to me. I just hope it wasnât enduring me.
Foolish. Was I foolish to think that this would be a good year for me? Pressure, stress, and a lot of things on my mind just donât seem to want to leave my side. Itâs a part of life but I wish I would just be free of all these things for once.
Unhappy. I think Iâm finally getting down to whatâs really bothering me. Iâm unhappy. Really, really unhappy. Unhappy to the point that sitcoms that usually crack me up, just donât work anymore. Iâm unhappy because I have no one I can fully trust who wonât give me a hard time, to confide to. Iâm unhappy because the one person I thought would be able help, actually canât. Unhappy because Iâm not so sure what I want to do with my life. Unhappy because my friends donât seem to look past my smiles and laughs to see how miserable Iâve been feeling. And even if they did, theyâd still give me a hard time. Unhappy because I donât see any genuine acts happening to me. Unhappy because I feel Iâm not worthy of anything special being done for me. Unhappy because I feel like a total plastic bag. Just drifting through the wind. And no Iâm not trying to reference a Katy Perry song.
Disappointed. Iâm disappointed in a lot of things especially with people. I expect too much only to get blown down off course with all my expectancy. Itâs because I expect too much from people that they tend to let me down, sometimes on purpose but sometimes not. I tried to lessen my expectancy with people. I try not to set the bar too high. But that never worked for me. Something you should know about me is that when I care deeply about a person, may it be a friend or a special girl, I expect a lot from them the same way that I put it in my head that they expect a lot from me too. That way, I know that I should do my best to be a good friend for them. But what happens is, I give and I give only to get nothing in return. But let me make it clear that Iâm not that kind of person who only does things because he knows they might get something out of it. No. That isnât me at all. All Iâm trying to say is that, after everything I do, I should be at least be treated as such. When will it be me who people took care of? When will it be me who people put effort to into? When will it be me?
I ask a lot. I contemplate a lot. I pessimize a lot. I dramatize my life a lot. But I know in my heart that I deserve that much. I wish my friends would open their eyes and actually see that Iâm hurting and actually take it into notice and caution, and not think ânagddrama nanaman si Raitoâ (âHere we go again with Raitoâs dramaâ). There are times when I overact. There are times when I overreact. But I get sad too. I have feelings. I make it seem that everything's fine so that I'm still there for my friends but deep inside, I'm miserable.
Book Analysis on "Leche"
Leche
R. Zamora Linmark, Coffee House Press, Minneapolis, April 2011, 376 pages
I. Authorâs Bio
R. Zamora Linmark, born in Manila, is a Filipino American poet, novelist, and playwright. He is educated in Honolulu, and, he has lived in Madrid and Tokyo. The recipient of a U.S.-Japan Friendship Commission and NEA fellowships and twice from the Fulbright Foundation, he has taught, as a Distinguished Visiting Professor in Creative Writing, at the University of Hawaii and University of Miami.
His first, a novel, Rolling the R's was released by Kaya Press in 1995. Linmark then went on to adapt it for the stage, receiving a world premiere production from Kumu Kahua in 2008.
Hanging Loose Press published two of Linmark's poetry collections: Prime Time Apparitions (2005) and The Evolution of a Sigh (2008). Of his first collection of poems, Prime Time Apparitions, poet Mark Doty wrote: "...witty and disenchanted, sexy and touched, jangled with longing and the crazed changes the wild new world works." Both of his collections of poetry are available from Hanging Loose Press.
 II. Novel Summary
This novel focuses on Vicente âVinceâ de Los Reyesâ return to the Philippines after he was brought to Hawaii as a kid to be raised there with his parents and 2 siblings for 13 years.
 As he ventures through the jungle, which is Manila, he tries to figure himself out, as a Filipino, or an American. Him being somewhat confused on his citizenship due to all the memories that were brought back once he stepped on Philippine soil. Vince, being the grandson of a Bataan death March survivor, this novel also talks about the Philippines when it was under the ruling of the Japanese and Americans.  This novel reminds us of what Filipinos had to go through when under colonization.
But aside from History, the novel also focuses on Vinceâs personal life; like his different sexual relationships and partners, his relationship with his parents, his siblings and more importantly, with his Grandfather Lolo Al. And with that we are given a deeper understanding of Vinceâs nature and psyche.
Leche, brings us to a time where corruption, economic crisis, and many other different problems of the country were at its highest. Leche, whether it be fictional or not, brings us to different places and destinations in the Philippines where events not taught to us in school were revealed.
 III. Analysis
The author of this novel uses poetry and prose as well as charts, and lists, to vary and enrich the essence of Leche, but this can also distract the reader from the topic at hand. This novel isnât the usual kind of novel wherein you go chapter by chapter. And with every chapter, brings you closer to the ending. No, this novel is written in a diary form type where the author skips from topic to topic and giving the topic a title then discussing it further. Itâs somehow confusing and I admit I was dizzy when I first started reading the novel. It felt like I was in a roller coaster ride because the novel went from topic to topic which werenât always connected to each other; from real life situations when suddenly we find out that Vince is asleep then awake again resuming the initial situation. Or sometimes we are taken back in time for a momentary period because somehow itâs related to the situation the character is in. And this somehow helps the character in the current situation. So the time frame really wasnât made clear to me. But despite the wild goose chase kind of writing, somehow, the novel still manages to piece it all together to form one solid story.
Through the numerous times Vince recalls his past, the more we get to know how and why he is what he is. It is through narratives of history that we are reminded of the suffering our ancestors went through before our country became independent. This we come to know because we find out the Vinceâs grandfather was part of the Bataan death march.
The novel also clearly points out the many discriminations and stereotypical notions we get from foreigners especially in the time where the novel takes place where the country is at an all time low, still recovering from Marcosâs regime after Cory Aquino took over.
The characters in the novel, although I still have no idea if this novel was based on a real life story or what, seem to be numerous and quite famous I may add. From Vinceâs long lost relatives to the local celebrities he runs into like Kris Aquino and Bino Boca. They seem to just pop up out of nowhere apparently. The conversations he has with these characters make you feel like it actually happened so you begin to have this urge to look it up online to look for facts to prove if it really happened. This is what made the book interesting. The characters felt real. It felt like you were the one they were having a conversation with. It somehow makes you feel what they feel.
The different settings where some parts of the novel took place were really intriguing. The fact whether the gay bar Leche was real doesnât matter because it really felt real plus the fact that the history behind the beginnings of that establishment seemed to revolve around the politics of that era making it even more surreal. Itâs actually funny that wherever the character goes, he seems to learn more about the Philippines despite the fact that, thatâs not what he came back for.
As the story continues and we actually catch up with Vince and his escapades, we are revealed to a lot of things; beginnings of all sorts of things. We also find out the reason he returned to the Philippines: him winning 1st runner up in a competition back in Hawaii thus him getting a prize of travelling to the Philippines. We also find out why he left the Philippines and his Lolo Al when he was a kid to go live in Hawaii: his parents took him and his siblings to go live there. Also in the beginning of the story, we are told that Vince is an open proud gay and proudly shares his first and present sexual encounters to us. Not in vivid detail of course. Just enough detail to make it feel interesting but weird at the same time.
We are also shown a side of Vince that loathes the country so much. But the irony of that is, the longer he stays and ventures into the morass of Manila, we see him beginning to take a subtle liking to the country; mainly because he meets men of his taste and these men teach him some things about the country that eventually fascinates him. And the more we read on, we notice that during his escapades, he is reminded of many practices, cultures, & traditions he used to practice as a kid or was reminded to as a kid such as the visiting the wake of a dead person even if they arenât related to you. He is also lectured on âbangungutsâ or nightmares by his housekeeper Bernadette. It was said that Vince kept having recurring nightmares of his grandfather and somehow it meant something and it did mean something according to Bernadette. And it is because of his nightmares that he finally visits his Grandfatherâs grave back in his hometown of San Vicente, Ilocos Sur.
The novel, although written in a form in which young readers can relate and understand, has genres that not many young people might find interesting such as politics and history. Contrary to that, the novel also has genres that most young people take into liking such as drama, romance and comedy all of which are present in the novel. This catches the attention of the reader instantly making the novel a lot more interesting. I was really fascinated on how the author managed to incorporate a lot of genres into one single novel. The novel made me laugh, made me angry, got me confused on some parts, got enlightened in some parts, & felt a feeling of sadness when Vince came home to an empty house because his grandfather left nothing for him. His memories gone forever.
Overall, this novel is such an interesting read and really, really fascinating. From the book cover, to the quality of the paper used in the printing, the comedy in the tourist tips describing a true Filipino in their natural habitat & the true nature of the Philippines. One particular tourist tip I just canât seem to shake off my mind and still makes me laugh is âFilipinos cannot live without making noise, hearing noise, and being noiseâ. Why I find that so hilarious is because I can relate to that statement. Especially coming from a guy who spent his whole life not from the Philippines, I can attest to that statement.
This novel, has given me something I never thought Iâd get from a novel, that is better understanding for Filipinos who werenât raised in the motherland. I have better respect for myself because I know what it feels like to have grown in a country where the culture is so different that when you finally visit your motherland, you get an instant culture shock. I am also reminded of the importance of forgiveness. No matter how big of a fault a person has done to you, especially a person close to your heart, you must have it in you to forgive them because one day when theyâre gone, you wonât be able to forgive them and youâll be left with regret. Another thing I respect so much is our country. That no matter how much weâve faced over the years, the different problems we had to deal with to become a solid nation, we still manage to rise up on our feet to start a new day; to start all over again. This is the Filipino nature. This is what it is to be a Filipino. Whether born here, raised abroad or werenât born here at all. A Filipino will always go back to his roots and it's the responsibility of the parents to remind their child of their roots so they donât forget.

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One of the best things anyone's ever said to/about me. :) "Akala ko nung una foreigner haha hindi ko trinay kausapin kasi baka magnosebleed ako, kasi sabi nila taga-kuwait daw... tas nung unang dinig ko ng song nya hindi ko nagustuhan yung someone like you nya parang hindi bagay sakanya tas nung narinig ko na sya kumanta nung variety show 2012 natuwa ako sobra.. sabe ko p***** ***? (napamura ako) ito yun? putik akala ko hindi marunong kumanta jusko naabot nya yung kanta ni usher!! sabe ko sa sarili ko kelangan ko makilala tong tao na toh idol ko sya. hindi ko nga akalain non na naging crush kita non nung kumakanta ka HHAHA Mark Nasra! akala ko noon hindi kita makakaclose kasi parang ang sungit mo raito haha tas yun pala hindi ang saya saya mo kasama tas lagi akong tumatawa sayo tas lahat ng pakantahin ko sayo kaya mo, samantala yung ibang lalaki mapapahawak na sa itlog nila bago nila maabot yung ginagawa mo HAHAAHAHAHHAHA! XD kahit mamimiss kita kasama on stage kasi lilipat ka na, pero at least nakasama kita ngayon variety show. Tsaka si raito yung kala mo walang alam sa buhay pero there's more to him, nagulat ako nung nagopen ako sayo at umiiyak ako yung mga sinabi mo tumatak sa puso at isipan ko tapos niyakap moko saka todo protekta ka saken. I LOVE YOU RAITO HEHE!"
MBLTÂ (2013)
Time Check:
Time check: 4:20 am.
It's September 9, 2013 and here I am at an outing with friends. All of them are asleep yet I still sit awake.
Being sleep deprived isn't the best feeling in the world. It's one of those things I hate having to experience. The feeling of just wanting to drift to sleep but can't due to certain circumstances. I just find it irritating.
Note to self: next time bring a sleeping bag. Where do you buy something like that here in the Philippines. Is there such a place that sells this? Please let me know as I am in dire need of it.
All 10 of us including myself are in our cottage room here at Loreland Resort, Antipolo City. Most of them are asleep while I remain typing this for whoever is reading is right now. Lucky them that they get to make themselves comfortable on a bed while I sit here on the floor and try make myself feel comfortable. How is this fair? I paid my share of the rent. I don't get to complain so please bear with me. It isn't everyday that I get to complain in detail of my life.
My eyelids are slowly starting to close as I try to keep them from closing totally. They wanna give in. They're telling me to put my laptop down, put on my earphones, lay down and sleep. How the heck am I supposed to do that on a wooden floor with nothing like a pillow or blanket?
As this outing comes to near close, I can honestly admit I had fun despite certain nuances caused by certain people and certain circumstances that I won't jump into detail to. I would give this an 8/10.Â
Time check: 4:32 am and I am still awake. How long can I keep this up?
Sleep, please attack me now.