Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen were at my house party and all they did was stand in the corner and blink in sync with each other. At one point I saw Mary-Kate put a cigarette to her mouth and take a long drag, then Ashley blew out the smoke.

cell phone doesn't like water because it is a combination of the other three elements. it is a rock (earth) that we fill with lightning (fire) that can control radio waves (air). if it contained water too, it would be too perfect; it would be like a god. to prevent this, the universe kills the would be uniter-of-the-elements. it's basic science.

Hey op google what LCD stands for

i took an oath in third grade to never do drugs

Who the fuck is that thing tolling for

i know the way people talk about their pets now is probably how we’ve been doing it for all of history. a cat owner in ancient rome saw their cat lounging on the dining pillows and commented “he thinks himself to be the senator claudius 🤣”

not feeling very hundred emoji flame emoji today

well I am so 💯🔥💯🔥

🧯💨

0️⃣🌫0️⃣🌫

got me good with this whole email address thing. you make email account as child for one purpose neopets.com and now all this. bait and switch. not nice.

This is a worm? Or perhaps some sort of slug?

And it's gonna getcha

i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges

a baby at work the other day gave me the meanest look i've ever seen as it got lifted out of a cesarean. 1 second old and already hating. you can't teach that.

I appreciate the way hitting the word "cesarean" forces me to go back and reevaluate the earlier phrase "at work"

reblog to feed her notes

How is she doing this