Drache

Dick: Bitch you literally did????Like three times????

“CAW”

Like a giant crow or flock of crows if there’s more than one ghost. Danny being able to gather all of Gotham’s crows, as a giant army because he sounds like them.

Crows: Who tf are you

Danny: CAW

Crows: Say less homie

He’s named every last one of them and has trained them all to pick locks and steal. He’s respected by the crows because he’s the only one with dexterous hands. If they can’t open something they call in the big guns (AKA Danny) Like imagine being a Gothamite and watching a enormous flock of crows seemingly summoning a scrawny child out nowhere to unlock a dumpster? Like they’re crowding around him like he’s the messiah, a god even and they all just squawk in unison when the kid pulls out a bobby pin and picks the padlock. They’re dropping, coins, bottle caps, earrings, bullet shells, anything vaguely shiny and the occasional paper money into his hands.

The kid has a necklace of soda tabs and bottle cap earrings. He also just walks around collecting beer bottles and later sells little glass statues that have a bioluminescent glow (HC that Danny can melt and shape glass with weaker ecto blasts) Glowing glass jewelry is weaved into his hair that is seemingly a identity confirmation for the crows.

Nobody knows the kids name he just showed up one day with his massive army of crows and started to wander. After around a month of the kid wandering around without a care in the world and not dying the locals decide “Huh, I guess crow prince is here to stay,” Like, they accept him as a local cryptid.

Like “Yeah, crow king just kind of vibes but if you give him food, he’ll bash in a pedophiles kneecaps,”

The geese are like his ultimate weapons, incredibly angry and incredibly powerful like an atomic bomb with feathers! He puts glass bells on them so people know when they’re coming and can panic accordingly.

*Bell jingles*

Gothamite criminal: *whispers* oh god oh fuck lord save us they’re here

Cat: Meow

Gothamite sighing in relief: It’s a false alarm guys don’t worry

The goose army: Surprise bitch the cat snitched

*Various screams of terror followed by loud honking noises*

It’s perfect! I imagine you can hear danny cackling in the background of every attack so you absolutely know he’s the one who sent them and this isn’t just a regular case of natural goose violence.

INCORRECT.

He has STOLEN YOUR DEAD BIRB PEOPLE.

They send the Talons. Laughing. Because, ha! It's JUST geese and crows right? They'll eat a goose dinner, etc etc, fill in jokes here. But? The Talons they send? Do Not come back.

They send more.

THOSE do not come back.

Talon storage gets RAIDED. The sky above awash with black birds. Mocking. Laughing. Caw Caw Caw~

That horrid little gremlin shows up AGAIN... followed by birds... and Talons in CROW masks.

What. Their Talons are being AMBUSHED by OTHER Talons. "Crows". Which are THEMSELVES followed by legions of ACTUAL crows. Now NO ONE knows which flock of birds is going to be That Horrid Gremlin and which will be one of his Crows.

What do they even WANT!? (Mostly? Bird seed for their avian friends. Bread and fruit as treats. Shiny things. And whatever Special Interests their feeble, underdeveloped little Cores are starting to develop. The Crow Child is helping them learn to be PEOPLE again.)

(They do not LIKE Owls.)

And? You know what the court of Owls are without Talons? Mostly just Rich, entitled, assholes. Used to fighting human fights against people following mostly human rules.

Geese? Will shit in your pool. Will RE-shit in your pool after you have payed to have it cleaned. Birds can and WILL kill you with the death by a thousand petty, minor, COSTLY inconveniences. And Crows?

Fuck your skylight! *drops moderate rock from a decent distance up* *CRASH!*

There is a REASON the Harpies are avian. NO ONE harries a man to his Doom like the BIRDS. Dive in, bite and claw, peck and scrape, the flick back before their swing can strike you. Batter them with wings and wind! Caw! CAW! C A W!!!

Take TURNS. All hours of the day and Night. Caw! CAW! C A W!!!

Rip up their gardens! Swoop at their guests! Scratch and destroy anything left outside! Flick stones at their windows! Bring trash to the land and drop it! Break them, break them, break them! Caw! CAW! C A W!!!

What is Batman supposed to do? Capture thousands of birds and put them down? You really think he WOULD? The best HE can do is try to find the... and let's be real here, probably some sort of Fae? Demon? Child that has Roosted in Gotham (because OF COURSE he did. Why does EVERY weird and disturbing bit of bullshit have to come to our city? We know we're cursed... but Come ON! This feels PETTY!) and maybe? Ask him to stop.

But HONESTLY? Most of them don't even MIND the probably DEEPLY cursed Supernatural Crow Child. If you feed him, he protects the area better then the cops! Plus he's nice to kids. Has yet to eat anyone or attack the general public.

It's like waking up to discover a sleep paralysis demon has moved in to the linen closet and just sort of... lives there now. Is the little nightmare CREEPY? Oh yes, deeply. But he's generally harmless and will pass you the bedsheets if you ask politely. We adapt. Gotham just has a Creepy Crow Child and Bat Cryptids, now.

They don't get along. Territory disputes, probably. Look, you want this sub here or to go?

It's GREAT :D

Red Hood and Red Robin start finding folders. Just full of incredibly useful blackmail material. The Crow Child and his army of birds and undeharrying harrying the bad guys. Drain their money bit by bit. Gives them time to set up a solid case.

He's pretty sure this was ripped bare handed from a ficus. And that one's... fuck he's gonna have to Moogle it. He just wanted his breakfast takeout.

At least they're no longer breaking the dishes trying to help.

And the little Crow Bastard is no better! Jason tries to chase him down to feed him and make sure he has his shots and shit? And WHAT does he get for his sacrifice? Bite marks! Yowling like a deranged cat! Children need to BATHE you unholy Cryptid fuck! *gleefully spiteful Birb hissing from Danny, who rolls in mud to mock him*

Oh? Oh you think he won't GO? Let's GO! Bath time you little shit! He's getting THE HOSE!

Alfred: Ah, just like Master Dick when he was younger.

Rub your arms in anti-bite spray. You'll taste bad.

*betrayed Caws from the trees!*

Look, they're sorry! But they have to agree! Hygiene is important for every animals health!

He 100% has a shop in the city and tree house mansion where he and his birds hang, and he 100% takes care of Gothams swans and pigeons too. (The swans because they also like the semi-feral cryptid fea boy, and they have beef with the geese and want to prove themselves the superior attack bird brigade. And the pigeons because they often struggle with things and have bad lungs because they keep flying too high into the Gotham smog zone)

The talons love their new smol Crow Monarch, the new masks he has given them.

When a wild swan arrives, it hits one of them with its wing, throws it into the water and a group of swans manage to drown it in the water.

…all while the other person shouts "well done Fred, finish off that cheater"

…yep, another citizen takes his unfaithful partner to be hunted by the lake's swans…

They also peck unsuspecting visiting heros and are a very effective deterrent to uninvited guests, so Constantin, attacked, on sight!

One day for whatever reason they have to go to Gotham, Batman uses anti-bite spray and they all laugh in his face, then someone yells CAW CAW and everything they see gets blacked out in a murder of crows.

After a few seconds all their suits are ripped and torn, Batman lowers down his cloak which was covering him and therefore the only thing ripped. He smirks at the absolutely shooken group of heros and reveals that he still has his wallet and various other trinkets, they all realise they have been mugged. By crows. Batman was right. To be scared of crows.

“YOUR SHINYS WILL BE TAKEN BACK TO THE ROOST…” rattles the voice of an assassin wearing a crow mask, the six collective assassins look at you with grins ranging from smug to mischievous to sh!t eating and they disappear when a boy with white hair who is floating caws again and they disappear in a cloud of crows.

Batman gives them a look and they know they are never going to live this down.

Jason Todd with halo hair, instead of his white stripe.

It fits with the fact that he went to heaven (this is canon, ppl, believe it or not) after dying the first time, and well, I'd like to imagine that heaven had a hard time giving him up, so they decided to send him back with a little reminder.

Hence, the angel halo that's basically imprinted on his head.

Tim spends a lot of time watching Kon

Red Hood: How would you even read a fic in jail?

Nearby thug: If there’s a screen, ao3 will be seen

Red Hood: You know what, User is NotTheRedHood2167. Caps after every word, no space in between.

Nearby thug: Thanks hood

Cop: Man that Red Hood guy is really making a name for himself. It’s pretty impressive how quickly he’s risen to power, actually.

Dick: (already annoyed at Jason because he won’t return Dick’s favorite hoodie) Don’t even give him that kind of credit. A crime lord deserves no praise.

Another cop: Yeah, I’m just glad the crazy bastard isn’t here. That piece of shit should be locked up forever.

Dick: (getting defensive now because that IS his little brother) He’s still a person, Jerry! Even if he is a criminal you shouldn’t talk about him like that! He’s trying his best!

The rest of the precinct: ????

The infamous Red Hood has been brought in to the Bludhaven Police Department for questioning after being found running operations in their city. Surprisingly, Officer Grayson insisted that he be the one to question him. (Jason let himself get caught on purpose)

Dick: Alright, you low life piece of trash! You’re gonna answer my questions quickly so we can both get on with our days! (They both agreed to be at family dinner at the manor tonight)

Jason: Sorry, I don’t speak swine.

Dick: YOU KNOW WHAT- (leaps over the table)

-

Tim: me and Damian- me and Damian have come a long way. we have to at least publically admit that. he loves me now.

Damian: *non-committal hum*

Tim, bargaining: favourite brother.

Damian: Akhi.

Tim: favourite brother that you met in Gotham.

Damian: Duke.

Tim, under his breath: fuck, forgot about him. he is cool.

Dick, holding up a hand: i'm slightly offended i haven't shown up on the list yet?

Tim, waving him off: oh shut up, you were basically a father figure. you're expelled from the rankings. Day, am i at least your favourite white boy?

Damian: ...Akhi.

Tim: HE CAN'T HAVE TWO CATAGORIES.

Damian, storming out the room: FUCK YOU- HE SUNG ME TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT!

Tim, chasing Damian out of the room: i can sing- I CAN FUCKING SING- auh-maaazinng grAAACE-

Dick, watching after them:

Dick: those two will do great things one day. *turns to see Jason staring into space with narrowed eyes*

Dick:

Dick: ...you uh- you ok there littlewing?

Jason:

Jason, slowly: Dick. do you think.... am i white?

Dick:

Dick:

Dick, carefully: are you- are you not?

Jason: well i mean. i never really- Willis was white, right? like. american and a bit scottish i think. and Catherine was white, so i didn't think about it. like. next to you or Day or Duke i look like buff momo. so.

Dick, supportively: uh-huh,

Jason: but then, like. Catherine wasn't my biological mom. Sheila was. and i tracked Sheila down to Ethiopia.

Dick: yeah,

Jason: and i didn't- like i didn't think about it at the time, so i didn't ask like. why the fuck are you in Ethiopia? like, do we got family here? are you- are you ethiopian? just a day trip? dart at a map?

Jason: and then we both kinda died. so.

Dick, slower: yeah...

Jason, completely genuine: and also, like. i accidentially drank a lot of the lazarus water when i was in there; i opened my mouth i guess. and that shit still affects my biology. so does that mean i accidentially swallowed arabic? am i- *quieter* ...am i that now?

Dick:

Dick:

Dick, putting all his effort into keeping a straight face, covering his mouth stoically: i... see.

Jason, oblivious, slightly worried: yeah,

Dick: it's uh- it's um. those are very valid hypothesis's.

Jason:

Jason, softly: you're laughing at me.

Dick, instant, equally soft: i would- i would never. this is.... *blinks purposefully* this. is. not funny. because race is never funny. and i love you, Jason. so if this bothers you, i- *throat clear* i want to help.

Jason:

Dick: ....should we do a DNA test? so we can find out if you're ethiopian? or... *bites lip* arabic?

Jason: ...*worried sigh* i don't know if we should? like, everybody assumes im pure american white right now? maybe that's for the better?

Dick, closing his eyes momentarily: *face flickers in amusement* *coughs quickly* mhm, mhm. um, why- whys that, Jay?

Jason, softly, still completely serious: well... i do a lot of criminal stuff. and right now if i do that stuff as a white person then who cares, right? but if i'm not white... then me being a crime lord just makes me a statistic. a stereotype.

Dick: *presses lips together, shaking slightly*

Jason, whispering: i don't want to add to that kind of propaganda by being Red Hood, Dick...

Dick:

Dick:

Dick, trying his best not to whimper: a- *clears throat* and that is, so very thoughtful of you, Jason. so thoughtful. i'm sure the mixed community would be lucky to have you, and they would be so appreciative of your care,

Dick, putting a hand on Jason's shoulder sweetly: but i don't think you have to worry because you do wear a face covering helmet and nobody knows Red Hood's skin colour or race. so lets just-

Dick: *turns away abruptly, face cracking, shoulders shaking*

Jason:

Dick: *takes a deep breath* *turns back with his face completely ernest and supportive* lets go and get you a DNA test to calm you down, and then you can stop wondering, ok kiddo?

Jason:

Jason, nodding softly: ok...

Jason: *leaves the room*

Dick, hanging back:

Dick: man, it's gonna be so funny when i hack the results and make him think he's 45% african american.

*Dick leaves the room*

Alfred, on the other side of the room, staring across from where he's been cleaning:

Alfred:

Did another Puca Animation test! I wanted to combine the single-suspension gallop of a horse with the double-suspension gallop of a dog to make something really Uncanny.

Dpxdc

One of the many perks that came with being crowned Ghost King was the ability to remember his past lives. At first, he hadn’t thought much of it. Sure, it was interesting, but in the end, those were different people who had lived different lives. He was someone new now — with some leftover abilities, knowledge, and instincts, but nothing more.

Or so he thought.

He hadn’t taken into account his most recent past life. The one where he’d been the biological parent of Bruce Wayne. And no matter how young he looked now, that love hadn’t faded. If anything, it only made things stranger.

Because now, his son was his boss.

And, somehow, that wasn’t even the worst part.

Insert past lifes grandchild, multiple are wanting him: flirt

Danny : *inexplicable unsettling feeling* sir/ma'am, I am currently busy can you not.

Insert plgmawh, :okay, see you later *insert flirtatious nickname* *as they start to walk off*

Danny : I need find a magic user they trust so I can tell them. *Danny mutters under his breath*

Camera, caught all of that

- - ,-

Bruce, calling someone: come on John pick up, Zatanna is busy, dr fate refused to help me, so pick up th-

John picks up on the 7th attempt: what is it bats,

Bruce,: well one of my employees said they needed a magic user we could trust, I was informed by hr who was notified by a third party who saw an incident and they sent me numerous videos of well - anyway I want to know what he has to say to me.

John: your talking so much more than usual bats, why is that, doesn't matter, I'll be at your manor in a dau or so, currently busy with a pest problem.

….

“-I get that I’m attractive but do they really have to flirt with me-“

…

“-Marth-Sa-SaMartha is off hunting down the ghosts of everyone who messed with Bruce, just to kick their asses.-“

…

“-And why does Alfred have to be such a silver fox! I mean I’ve heard of aging like wine but Damn!-

…

“-Does this mean Dan is Bruce’s bonus dad or brother or uncle? Oh god what about Ellie-“

….

“I mean they smells like they’ve been rolling around in ghost booze and or sewage, but they are still my grandsons-“

…

“-and what exactly am I supposed to say to him ‘hi Bruce I’m the reincarnation of your father and want to spend time with you and the kids’ without being dragged to Arkham-“

…

“-when I heard he built a space station, I cried-“

…

It has been four hours and the kid, er, not-kid? Young king? Timeless Eldritch being that looked like he was in his mid twenties was still babbling on and on and on.

The… whatever he identified as, had started repeating himself on the three hour mark and showed no signs of slowing down.

Damian: Eli has very stange sleeping patterns. Half the night she watched me sleep and when I asked why she said she liked the sound of my breathing and heartbeat.

Bruce: And the other half?

Damian: She sleeped like a bat hanging off the bed. Her brother said it was nromal.

Bruce: Sorry then, you don't have to go next time.

"Jesus!" Dick cursed, jumping back and falling into a fighting stance, looking around for his attacker.

He gazesed up, assuming the attacker was hiding in the vents because of the trajectory of the Batarang, and froze.

"Baby Bat... and friend..." Dick said slowly, taking in the scene in front of him and slowly getting out of his fighting stance, "What are you doing?"

Damian and his friend were standing upside down on the ceiling of the Batcave. How they got up there and how they weren't falling, Dick doesn't know. But they were wrapped in what looks like sleeping bags, with Damian having an arm out, aiming another Batarang.

"Do not strip in front of Nightingale. This is your only warning." Damian threatened.

Dick... Dick decided he could change at Tim's Nest instead. It's been awhile since he seen the Baby Bird anyway.

Dick assumes Nightingale is Eli’s hero name, and that she is a new teen vigilante.

In his defense when he was Damian’s age all his friends were Capes or Cape-Adjacent.

*not my gifs*

“Peralta!” Holt yelled, his voice echoing across the bull pen. 

Jake spun around in his chair, his dorky smile never leaving his face. Recently Jake was being punished by Captain Holt for disobeying direct orders on a certain case. In Jake’s defense, he did solve the case while recreating a scene from “Die Hard”. He hated desk duty with a passion, but Amy helped him to realize that there were consequences to his actions. 

“Yeah,” he yelled back in response as Holt made his way to Jake’s desk. 

“The percinct in Queens is overworked at the moment, so they are sending some of their cases here. The uniform officers are busy with people downstairs from both Brooklyn and Queens, so I will need you to do police reports on a couple of people who violated the law,” Holt informed. 

Jake leaned back in his chair and threw back his head, letting out a loud groan that caused everybody around him to turn around. 

“Sir,” Jake replied. “Please let me go out. I think I learned my lesson.”

“That is the thing Peralta,” Holt interjected. “You always claim that you learn your lesson, but you turn around and do the same thing over again. I am done with it. Your first person is waiting for you.”

Jake groaned once more as he turned to get the police report that Holt put on his desk. He sensed the person walk to his desk and sat down in the nearby chair. He quickly read through the police report that was filed by one of the uniform officers in Queens. As he was going through it, it was either Jake was making up some of the stuff listed in his head to make it more interesting, or this stuff was straight out unbelievable. 

Jake leaned forward on his desk, and looked at the person sitting by him at his desk. He wasn’t a man, but rather a teenager. Jake looked back at the police report and then at the kid. 

“So let me get this straight,” Jake said. “You climbed on the side of a building, no ladders or fire escapes just a brick wall with no ropes or suction cups, and broke into an apartment.”

“Well I supposedly did that,” the kid corrected. “And it was my apartment that I broke into. I just didn’t have the key.”

“A woman said it wasn’t your apartment,” Jake replied, showing the kid the woman’s testimony. 

The kid leaned over and quickly scanned his eyes over the testimony. 

“Ms. Ellison has been after me for years,” the kid said, almost like a whine. “You have to believe me. How could a kid climb up the side of a building with nothing?”

Jake leaned back in his chair. The kid had a point. 

“Yeah, maybe she’s just going crazy,” Jake said at last. “It’s either that or you’re Spider-Man.”

Jake laughed, and watched as the kid let out a couple of nervous laughs as well. When Jake makes those kinds of jokes, other people usually laugh and say things like ‘I wish.’ This kid pretty much stayed silent. Jake leaned forward again, eyeing up the kid with curiosity. 

“Are you Spider-Man,” Jake asked in a hush whisper, traced with a little excitement. He looked down at the police report, reading the kid’s name real quick in order to give his question more emphasis. “Peter Parker?”

Peter pursed his lips, and shook his head. 

“Nope,” he said, popping out the ‘p.’ “Can I go? I have to get to my Stark Internship.”

“Yeah, get out of here,” Jake said, making a quick gesture to the door. “Just when I thought things were going to get interesting around here.”

Peter pulled on his backpack, looking at Jake one more time. He had his head propped up on his hand, and was staring at the computer screen. Peter didn’t know why, but he felt sorry for the detective.

“Thanks, Mr. Peralta,” Peter said. “And if you need help with any crimes or something, feel free to let me know. I’m pretty close to Spider-Man.”

“Really?” Jake asked, looking up but not seeing the kid anywhere in the room. “Wow! That kid is fast.” 

Jake got up, and walked over to close the window near his desk. Weird, he thought. Who would open the window in March?

In the distance, Jake saw a figure clad in blue and red swinging around the buildings of New York. 

- superglue heats up when in contact with fiber, your craft can start smoking or even catch on fire

- you can wash clothing painted with acrylic paint in the washing machine if you turn it inside out and use the lowest temperature

- don't put painted clothes in the dryer.

- you can wash clothes with metal bits in the washing machine but use the handwashing setting, dry the metal bits with a paper towel before hanging them to dry, and know that it WILL be loud

- synthetic dye is needed to dye synthetic fibers and requires a long time simmering in a boiling pot. This WILL stink up the house and you NEVER want to make food in that pot again

- faux leather is vinyl not leather. Get vinyl paint to paint on it

- don't use your teeth as tools, they don't regenerate. Reconstructing enamel costs a small fortune (ask me how I know.)

- when handsewing a lot through thick fabric get thin needles, it will require less force and be less taxing on your wrists. When machine sewing get a higher grade needle (~130 for jean)

- embroidery floss is overpriced and not as strong as it looks. For sewing on heavy stuff get denim thread, it will last forever

- don't feed a 60$ home sewing machine ten layers of denim before you learn how much a servicing fee costs, these things are dellicate

- spray paint is best applied from 30-40cm away, in swift movements. Putting too much or applying from too close will cause drips. You can sand them down and apply a new layer of paint AFTER they dry. Wipe the can nozzle after painting if it's messy, you don't want it to clog and become unusable

- water based markers on fabric will bleed, if not instantly then with time, alcohol markers will fade with time

- most fabric glues are machine washable up to a certain temperature. modgepodge is not waterproof, hitack is handwash only. Check the instructions

- the flatter the surface the easier hot glue will peel off. Faux leather stands no chance, fibers like yarn will hold it best, but is impossible to remove the glue from them in the future

- rivets are a thing that exists, only require a hammer to install and can be used as permanent fabric attachment

- studs, gromets and other metal junk at small fabric stores are laughably overspriced

- acetone (found in nail polish remover) will remove acrylic stains out of furniture, flooring and faux leather, if used in excess can damage the laquer. Can also be used to remove prints and glue off of plastic (do a small test before commiting, might melt the plastic it it's grade is low)

- residue from stickers (and k-tape) can be removed with oil

- acrylic stains cannot be removed out of clothing or carpet so protect your area before painting and don't wear clothes you care about

- if your thread keeps getting tangled or snagging while handsewing try waxing it

- you can lock in screw-in spikes with screw lock glue if you're scared of them falling off because they unscrew

- you can add washers to screw-in spikes if you're scared of them falling through flimsy fabric or too big of a hole

- if you're making anything out of soda cans have a metal file on hand, they are deceptively sharp and will hurt you and rip through fabric you're installing them in

- bleach can be found in mold killing spray (don't touch that shit with bare hands. chemical burn.)

- fabric paints are no different from slightly dilluted acrylic. You can make it yourself by adding a bit of fabric softener to acrylic or honestly even water

- if you are setting anything with an iron use parchment paper or a pressing cloth to pervent your stuff from sticking to your iron and ruining it

- if you want a safety pin somewhere permanently pinch it shut with pliers

- as much as you can, avoid putting glue on clothing, it makes it really hard to change your decisions later on and upcycle the project in the future

"1312"

"Dead men don't rape"

"Trans rights"

"Nazi punks fuck off"

"Someone on tumblr told me to write this"