jtimu

And sometimes fanfiction is, ‘Watch me do a fucking KICK FLIP off this cool sentence!! Also here's some sex'

what he does take away from the experience is an appreciation for certain types of people. he finds his attention lingering on blonde curls and freckles and brown eyes and soft looking skin with smatterings of moles. men, women, whoever really- he begins to notice the patterns.

it’s at some league event where Cliff meets this absolute fox of a woman. yeah, okay- she reminds him of Shane which really does it for him- but she’s fucking sharp and seems to know eeeverything about hockey- which, also hot- and Cliff becomes a little obsessed with her immediately. he’s always been into older women so that’s another draw. and he keeps running into her at hockey stuff, like, way too regularly to be a coincidence so he starts thinking, yeah ya know what? I’m Cliff fucking Marleau I can ask out this sexy older woman, I fucking pull, dude I can do anything-

Ilya is in a depression low and the fact that his hockey persona is still “biggest asshole” no matter what he does has been getting to him even if he won’t admit it. So Shane posts a photo compilation titled “Every Reason Ilya Rozanov Is NHLs Biggest Asshole”

-“Bullies his teammates” with a picture of Ilya doing a celebratory fist pump next to Haas with his face in his hands, in front of a tv showing Ilya getting first in Mario Kart

-“Bullies his competitors” with a picture of Ilya laughing and Scott Hunter looking like he wants to set him on fire with his mind as he holds a birthday card labeled ‘Woah! You made it to 100!’

-“Bullies Hayden Pike” with a picture of Ilya and Jackie in the lake doing the Dirty Dancing lift while Hayden stands by with his hands on his hips and glaring

-“Stealing” with a group of pictures of Ilya wearing a Hollander 24 hoodie, wearing the Canadian Olympic fleece, and wearing one of Shane’s old jerseys

-“Dramatic” with a picture of Ilya in a feather boa at a karaoke night at a gay bar, eyes closed as he is clearly belting out some song

-“Takes jobs away from janitors” with a picture of Ilya in an arena post-game and picking up litter people dropped in the hallway

-“Bad role model to youth” with a picture of Ilya and a kid at one of the camps sticking their tongues out at each other

-“Child abuse” with a picture of Ilya playing paintball with a group of young boys

-“Animal abuse” with a picture of Ilya bathing an unhappy Anya in a kiddie pool in the backyard

-“Disturbing local wildlife” with a blurry picture of Ilya running away from a Canada goose

-“Encourages cavities” with a picture of Ilya letting trick or treaters take handfuls of candy from a bowl

-“Unfair sales tactics” with a picture of Ilya taking pictures with people at a Girl Scout cookie sale table, the table surrounded by a crowd of people waiting and holding cookie boxes

-“Trespassing” with a picture of Ilya shoveling a neighbors driveway

-“Fashion crimes” with a picture of Ilya in a pink baseball hat, a neon orange tank top, jorts, and neon green crocs

-“Not helpful at puzzles” with a picture of Ilya and David in front of a one thousand piece puzzle, both with their faces in their hands, pieces everywhere

hollanov, canon-compliant, sex montage interlude, a cocktail of jealousy and denial

Cap loves All-Stars. We all know why.

Shane ran through the acceptable things he could say. Yeah of course I like All-Stars. Because it’s hockey. Because it’s the best of the league. Which by the way doesn’t include you, Smith, you slow motherfucker.

art by misterwalnut 

Hi hi hi friends! It’s June, and if you’re anything like your very enthusiastic and impatient mods, you’re already thinking about @hd-erised!

We had a spectacular fest in 2025, and we cannot wait to see what 2026 will bring!! We hope you’re as excited as we are. The full schedule is below so you can start planning ahead for H/D Erised 2026!

2025 H/D Erised Fest Timeline: Sign-ups open: July 3 (9AM EST | 2PM BST) Sign-ups close: July 10 (6PM EST | 11PM BST) Assignments will be sent out by: July 20 Check-in #1: September 7 Check-in #2: October 5 Fic and Art due: November 2 Posting starts: December 1 Big Reveal: January 6

Hooray!! Mark your calendars now, and keep an eye out for more information. Erised is our favorite time of year, and we're beyond excited to see all the phenomenal creators, readers, and commenters this year!

<3333

Your mods,

Ilya from Alexei's POV - Dashboard by Noah Kahan

Lullaby, 4k, E Summary: When Shane develops insomnia, Ilya reminds Shane’s body how to obey.

Couldn't have done it without @jtimu, @gnocchioli, @the-invisibility-bloke, Ruth, and @angeldog5. You all fucking rock. <33

uhh…did someone tie shane to a balloon?