Hello! :3

there’s a japanese radish just below this post but you can’t reach it

the second radish is 29 feet away

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*

Is this what you make while im asleep

yeah and i had the washing machine running and everything so it was like defusing a bomb

Fuck. Fuuuuck. Kamala Harris paid me to endorse her and I toooootally forgot & spent all the money on various cheeses 🧀 and Smirnoff 💦 do you think she will be mad

Ye swindled her good, me bucko! I'd be proud to have ye as a member o' me crew

dude fleabeard you always you always have my back. i love you man

its required that every day you think about women kissing

I will NEVER see an anomalocaris. I will NEVER hold a trilobite. I will NEVER see a dimetrodon or an eight foot long millipede. and I will NEVER see a pterosaur

I don’t like being referred to as a boy

Woah mama I'll give anyone who misgenders you the Elvis Special (a bullet)

This account likely makes the list of “the last accounts I’d ever expect to be anywhere near my blog” but I appreciate it

Woah mama I'm one of your mutuals

WHAT

Walmart is out here charging 5 dollars for a pool noodle.