Hello!!!! This blog is for asking questions regarding the whole LGBTQ+ community! Hate will not be tolerated. Whether you're in or out of the community, this is a safe space to ask questions and learn :] colourblind friendly flag from here: https://www.reddit.com/r/vexillology/comments/v2luae/the_6colour_pride_flag_but_colourblindfriendly
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This is the "official" gay and queer question and answer blog!!! The point of this is to learn and expand your experiences!!! If you have any burning questions, just send in an ask or submission
If you want to answer some questions or common misconceptions, feel free to do that as well!!! I, of course, am not a part of every community, so also feel free to add on!
My name is Basalt, and I run this blog! I am an adult.
Resources:
abortion resources masterpost
abortion resources
Safer Spaces (Ontario)
The Euphoria Fund (FREE gender affirming items such as binders, pride flags, etc!)
Practical Audacity (counselling and therapy)
The Trevor Project (lifelines and resources)
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
mass.gov (state and national resources for LGBTQ+ people) taken down
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your definition of xenogender is incorrect. it is not just a gender that isnt strictly male/female. that term would be nonbinary. a xenogender is a gender that falls outside of all traditionally human gender alignments (cannot be described as masculine, feminine, androgynous, male, female, etc.) they are described with concepts that dont have to do with human gender, such as the concept of plants or the concept of darkness.
thanks for the correction! admittedly i struggled a bit writing it.
Everybody talking about how diy hrt is so haaaard and dangerousssss is lying btw it's literally fine. Yes even for testosterone. Do you know how many cis dudes are taking grey market steroids? Nobody gives a shit unless you're going through customs or already getting pulled over for something else
Also the whole "taking t is dangerous for your health" thing like. It's not going to turn your blood into pudding and kill you. Do you know how much higher than the suggested max/cis male dosage you have to go for anything weird to start happening? You are not going to accidentally overdose on a sex hormone your body already naturally produces. Your body will start converting it to estrogen (which still isn't ideal, sure) Long before it reaches that point. It's Literally Fine. Do your actual research on this don't let detrans grifters scare you out of at least Reading About It as a possibility
You can also get bitcoin via cashapp in like two seconds, yknow, if you don't want to email some dubious website your banking information. None of this is as hard as they want you to think it is
It's true that the risks aren't as scary as the detransers say, but some risks (like being allergic to the injection oil) do exist and getting your dosis right is better for your health. So if you can: gather information, get blood tests, transition safely on your own terms.
What does xenogender mean? Google is confusing me.
A xenogender is typically a gender that falls somewhere outside the strict, "male," and, "female," boxes. Beyond that, it is usually an "atypical" gender that may have a very specific label!
You might have some luck looking for the term MOGAI- Marginalized Orientations, Gender Alignment, and Intersex. The MOGAI community formed way back in the day here on Tumblr (here's a video about it)
Nowadays, they usually make very specific genders or orientations for those who find it helpful :)
Hi. I've been thinking about this for a long time, and I really don't know to whom I could spill the beans.
So you see. As a child, I always knew my parents wanted a boy. I got treated as a boy all my life until there was no possibility of denying I wasn't (puberty) and my sudden jarring realization I was actually female also got me in a lot of hot water (sexual abuse, mostly)
Right now, I know I am a woman. But that feels weird to me. I have no particular feelings about my body parts. The only dysphoria I have stems from my fear of heterosexual sex and pregnancy, but that's an easy thing to side-step as I am only attracted to women these days.
Still, every time I dress according to my gender, I feel weird. If I dress high femme even, it's fun to me, I see no issue with it, but I feel like I am "not supposed" to be doing that. The closest I can describe it with is "I feel like I am doing drag"
I do not have any particular wish to transition, but every time I have to consciously remind myself, I am actually a woman. Because hell, I don't think of that. In my head I am... no one, really. I don't think I particularly experience gender at all. And I have no desire to change my body at all. It's just that when it comes up, I always have to think about it for a bit and say to myself "well, I have xyz parts, so I am that"
I've been wondering for almost two decades, what the fuck am I, really. Is there really a need to gender myself? If I don't experience nor understand gender and I have a complicated history of various trauma... can I just... opt out? Sure, I have certain parts, but that's between me and my doctor. Or me and my sexual partners.
I feel like "agender" is still recognizing there's gender to opt out of. But in my head... there's none. And I really don't understand what gender really means, how it's experienced and such. It's like a thing that almost everyone has is just missing in my head. A line drop-off.
For clarification: I present however the fuck I want on any particular day, a lot of people are confused by it and assume things, but I do not mind at all. I also use any pronouns at all. I am comfortable with using "wlw" for myself, because well. That is expected and doesn't need much clarification and backstory.
This is very old now, but I figured I would still answer in case it can still help you or someone else :)
To answer your question: yes you absolutely CAN opt out of gender!!! You don't have to identify with any labels, while still being genderless.
Labels are for the self. If they don't seem helpful to you, don't use 'em!
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Not sure if you still answer these sorts of things, but would it be ok for an aroace person to call themself butch? I see a lot about bi women being able to use the term, but I have no idea what the general consensus is on aroaces, especially with the weird gender stuff I have going on. Sorry for the ramble, thanks!
Anyone can identify with the "butch" label, as long as they feel it fits them!
Hi! I was born female and still wanna be completely feminine but I wanna be that in a male body. I wanna be a (and I use this term because I know no other terms for it) femboy. I wanna dress “slutty” and be an extremely feminine person but I wanna do it as a male
The problem is, I’m dating a cis straight man who knows I’m bisexual but has openly told me he’s 10000% straight and male. I’m not sure of his views on trans people.
Should I come out? Should I risk breaking up with the man I love just because of this silly feeling?
This is pretty old now, but I really wanted to answer this one.
They're never worth it. If they react poorly and you break up, you dodged a bullet! If they accept you, you now have so much more room for fulfillment in your life.
You only get one shot at life. Transitioning will ALWAYS be worth it. This feeling isn't silly at all, expressing yourself the way you feel is an important and healthy part of living as a human!!!
Demi, Enby, & Poly, Dating for the 1st time in forever:
My partner and I have been together for nearly 15 years 🖤 and we're solo-dating rn exploring ENM.
It wasn't until many years into our relationship when I started to realize I was demisexual, and more years after that when I came out as non-binary.
I just got back from my first date in that many years and it was fun! I'm taking things slow with the goals of finding more of myself, meeting lots of people, and curating closer community. Goals are very non-sexual and more explorative + low-key romantic.
However, I'm realizing that I don't really know my own "getting to know this new person" feelings as my current set of identities. Last time I was dating, I didnt think I was queer, just very neurodivergent.
SO question I'd love your thoughts on, how would you explain this to your potential paramors and friends? Right away after a 1st date or..? I've always been very transparent about my feelings as an adult, so I want to be up front with folx in that "idk what this is exactly but I'm cool with finding out with you together."
Maybe that answers my question, but I'd love any constructive thoughts anyway ✨️
This is pretty old now, but i thought i would answer in case this can still help you or someone else!
First off, obligatory, please make sure coming out is a safe option for you before you do it!
Secondly, I think it's awesome to be open about it! Setting some rough "expectations" about what someone can... Well, expect, during any relationship is super healthy. Whenever you feel comfortable bringing it up, you should!
So yes, the first date would be fine if you wanted. If you wanna get to know the person a little before, though, I wouldn't blame you!
TL;DR, you should come out with it whenever feels "right" for you :)
The 13th annual international gender census, collecting information about the language we use to refer to ourselves and each other, is now open until 13th August 2026.
It’s short and easy, for most participants it takes 5 minutes or less.
After the survey is closed I’ll process the results and publish a spreadsheet of the data and a report summarising the main findings. Then anyone can use them for academic or business purposes, self-advocacy, tracking the popularity of language over time, and just feeling like we’re part of a huge and diverse community.
If you think you might have friends and followers who’d be interested, please do reblog this blog post, and share the survey URL by email or at AFK social groups or on other social networks. Every share is extremely helpful!
Survey URL: https://survey.gendercensus.com
The survey is open to anyone anywhere who speaks English and feels that the gender binary doesn’t fully describe their experience of themselves and their gender(s) or lack thereof.
Thank you so much!
[ Link to survey ]
PS: You can see some regularly-updated statistics about incoming data here, with lots of demography and graphs to peruse!
Hey, you, cis girl that's very (correctly) vocal about women being allowed to talk about their periods, do you include trans women in that?
I ask because every single time I've tried to talk about it to anyone that isn't a trans woman they get fucking angry. Which has caused me to have to just suffer in silence every single month. So I really relate to cis women when they talk about literally the exact same thing; being shamed by everyone around them their whole lives for talking about their periods, so they just suffer in silence every month as it negatively impacts their work and social lives. But I don't even feel like I can voice that I am literally dealing with the same exact thing because most of y'all react like you want to throw me in front of a bus for saying it, even those of you who act like your such big great transfem allies.
I guess I'll take this opportunity to talk about trans women periods.
The first thing any tme person thinks when they hear this is always "how can trans women have periods? They don't have uteruses!"
The answer is: the uterus isn't what causes your period, it is effected by your period. What causes your period and what causes trans women's periods is the same thing: the endocrine system.
HRT changes the sex of your endocrine system. Feminizing HRT makes it a female endocrine system, giving us a 28-day hormone cycle just like cis women. At the end of that cycle, the hypothalamus floods the body with prostaglandins. Those are what cause all but one of the period symptoms, because they make muscles inflame and contract. They are what make the uterus shed its lining, they are what cause intestinal cramps, they are what cause body aches, they are what cause headaches and migraines. The only period symptom not causes by the release of prostaglandins throughout the body is depression, and that is caused by your endocrine system simply not processing as much estrogen and from simply feeling like shit.
So, the only symptoms trans women don't get every 28 days is menstrual cramps, because yes we do not menstruate since we don't have uteruses. But migraines, depression, body aches, intestinal cramps, and the infamous "period shits" don't exactly add up to us having any better of a time. Except we have to pretend that we're fine and nothing is different because no one believes that we get periods, not even cis women.
"But you can't call it a period then because that refers to MENSTRUATION!" is another one I hear all the time. This is incorrect. You use the word "period" instead of just "menstruation" because it doesn't just refer to menstruation. It refers to a period at the end of the hormone cycle where we experience a host of symptoms. And not all cis women experience all of the symptoms that encompass the period. Not all cis women get migraines, or body aches, or have severe depression. If a cis woman gets a hysterectomy she doesn't menstruate either! In that instance she experiences an identical period to what trans women experience. Yet, I doubt you'd insist that cis women who've had hysterectomies don't have periods.
Oh, another thing that I personally discovered after bottom surgery: vaginal odor changes for trans women during our periods too. I was not expecting that because I always thought it was just from menstruation. But nope, the ph levels of a trans woman's vagina are the same of as a cis woman's vagina, and it changes during our periods just the same.
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Please call your representatives: VOTE NO on the FEDERAL BOOK BANNING BILLS HR 2616, HR 8705, and HR 7661!
Transcript below the cut.
Page 1:
There are currently THREE FEDERAL BOOK BAN BILLS aiming to ban all TRANS BOOKS from U.S. public schools! HR 2616, HR 8705, HR 7661
June 2026 / Maia Kobabe (a trans author, for three years in a row the most challenged author in the U.S.)
Page 2:
HR 2616 threatens to cut federal funding from public schools if they “teach or advance concepts related to gender ideology,” as defined by an Executive Order signed by Trump in Jan 2025. It would also cut funding from schools unless they require “parental consent before changing a minor's gender markers, pronouns, or preferred name on any school form.” HR 2616 HAS ALREADY PASSED IN THE HOUSE! Please call your Senators to say NO ON HR 2616!
Page 3:
HR 8705 threatens to cut federal funding from public schools which teach “discriminatory equity ideology or gender ideology,” as defined by two Executive Orders aimed at suppressing “critical race theory” and trans representation. This bill is named after the late far-right activist Charlie Kirk, “The Charlie Act.” HR 8705 has passed out of committee, but has not yet been introduced in the House. Please call your House Reps to say NO ON HR 8705!
Page 4:
HR 7661 threatens to cut federal funding from public schools which offer material deemed “sexually oriented," treating any LGBTQIA+ identity as sexual content. It specifically forbids “gender dysphoria or transgenderism,” and “lascivious dancing” (drag). This bill, titled “Stop the Sexualization of Children Act,” has 22 co-sponsors and has passed out of committee but has not yet been introduced to the House. Please call your House Reps to say NO ON HR 7661!
Page 5:
CALL SCRIPTS
“My name is [name] and I’m calling from [city, state, zip code]. I’m asking [Senator] to vote no on HR 2616. I oppose HR 2616 because it would restrict student’s access to books and it would specifically harm trans, nonbinary, and intersex students. Please stand against book bans and protect queer students!”
“My name is [name] and I’m calling from [city, state, zip code]. I’m asking [Rep] to vote no on HR 8705 and HR 7661. I oppose these bills because they would restrict student’s access to books and accurate history, and would especially harm BIPOC, trans, nonbinary, and intersex students. Please stand against book bans and support public education funding!”
Page 6:
Author Maia Kobabe: If HR 2616, HR 8705, or HR 7661 pass, it would be almost impossible for any public school in the U.S. to offer or teach my books, unless they’re willing to risk their federal funding. Students would be even less likely to learn about trans stories or accurate U.S. history.
Page 7:
Please call your representatives: VOTE NO on the FEDERAL BOOK BANNING BILLS HR 2616, HR 8705, and HR 7661!
Follow AUTHORS AGAINST BOOK BANS on insta & bluesky for updates on these bills!
insta / patreon / portfolio / etsy / my books / print store / bluesky
Maia always makes these actions clear and accessible and I so appreciate eir work.
If you don't know who your Senators or Representatives are, you can use Ballotpedia's Who Represents Me tool! (Note: there's a field for you to input your email address on their page, but it's not necessary to get your results. They just need a mailing address to confirm who your reps are.)
Once you've got names, you can look up and save your Reps' phone numbers in your phone. I find this makes it easier when I'm wavering about feeling brave enough to place a call. Just pressing a button instead of going and looking up the phone number all over again makes it just a liiiiittle easier, and sometimes that makes the difference between calling and not calling!
Why the tiger has become a transgender symbol in Japan
Gay Breakfast Pin Club writes:
Recently we learned about how some trans folks in Japan like to use tigers as a symbol for the trans community. It's a pun: Tora [虎] is the Japanese word for tiger, and when you sound out "trans" in katakana it basically starts with "tora." To-ra-n-su [トランス].
Toransu is clearly a loan word from English ("trans") that has been adapted to Japanese pronunciation (adding vowels/vowel epenthesis helps you avoid unpronounceable consonant clusters).
anyway trans women please learn from the mistake i make literally every single month without fail: if you get these random bouts of feeling really fucking hopeless about everything and they're basically monthly it might be the fact that you are on your period at the moment and you've missed it because you don't bleed and (if you're anything like me) the physical symptoms start AFTER the emotional ones by like three or four days
you will be alright. eat something sugary and go play a board or video game with someone. consider magnesium and b complex supplements please. for me
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i know people say "dont transition until uve dealt with all ur mental health issues, transitioning wont help with that its primary purpose is to treat gender dysphoria it wont cure you of your other shit" and its like well yeah but it did help a lot
Sometimes you've gotta worry about doing something that isn't fixing your mental health issues like transitioning or moving out of your parents house or finding a new friend group before you start trying to work on your mental health because it'll be a lot easier to find happiness once you have a stable foundation to be happy
This handout promotes the idea that transitioning singers undergo a voice change that is experientially equivalent to cis male voice change
New addition to the Trans Guy Archive!
As I've been on testosterone for over 6 years now, I've certainly seen changes in my voice. I went from a 'medium' alto to a low tenor. This brief handout is a collection of different case studies of different transmasculine singers and their journeys while taking testosterone.
Q&A for the LGBTQ+ Community! @qandgay - Tumblr Blog | Tumlook
