MOVED

general tw for talks of programming

this is a blog run by a programmed system, for programmed experiences. this includes systems, singlets, etc, as long as it's programmed.

programming can include ramcoa/oea, but we are referring specifically to itbc/tbmc.

FAQ:

Q: "how do i know if im programmed" / "is there a diagnosis checklist"

A: you can't know for 100% certainty, it would be nice if you could; but you just can't. There is no sure-fire way to tell if you're programmed other than looking into your system function & see if there's any intense conditioning— but that looks different for everyone ! And looking into that can be very unsafe !

Q: "does [x] count as programming" / "can i be programmed from [x]"

A: possibly. I dont know all the intricacies of your experiences, so i can't give a blanket answer ! Nor do i feel comfortable saying definitively what you have or haven't experienced.

Q: "im questioning programming, can i send an ask/interact ?"

A: yes.

< mod & blog info under the cut >

(that should redirect you to not here, but if it doesn't the username itself should).

Programmed culture is one of our child parts who was a recruiter keeps fronting at work and having panic attacks over ANY mistake to the point of self harm to self punish. Girl our job doesnt even have benefits chill.

We're gonna be moving this to a new blog (same url, hopefully) just to help our privacy and safety, and to hopefully manage this blog better.

Now, i understand this may raise some concerns; the first thing that came to mind for me was all the current submissions and posts. We will be backing everything up, and reposting it onto the new blog (asks will have a specific format). But while we get the new blog up and running, and sort everything out, we will be closing the inbox here (and not posting anything else), and the blog will be functionally closed.

Thank you all for your patience with me and this blog, it means a lot to me.

🐰🎯

🐰🎯

Like... there is no way we're in the same body. No way, I cant even BEGIN to imagine how this is still "us". Same brain is usually hard to imagine anyway, but even the same body is just... genuinely unfathomable to us in the main system. None of us have any knowledge or recollection AT ALL of a side system. No alters, no awareness of amnesia, the only reason we know what theyre calling themself is because we know the username they picked for all the accounts they made and we found one picture of one of them they made in an app that doesnt have separate accounts saved under the same name. Like huh.

I mean this lightheartedly but like. Whiplash much. Has anyone else felt the separation this severely... genuine question i hope we arent alone lol because it feels WEIRDDD

[ can we claim the tag 🐇🎯? thank you ]

For my safety I don't feel comfortable commenting on posts about programming in other ways than anonymously (Could the owner of this account please comment this under the post so they see it? if you feel comfortable).

START OF ANSWER: But, to the person who asked the question, have you considered this might be pOCD (pedophilia obsessive compulsive disorder)? It is a pure O (or purely obsessional) form of OCD. I think it would help you a lot to look this up, do some research into it.

Those who were subjected to child molestation and other forms of trauma actually experience these thoughts not because they want to, or because they want it so bad, but instead precisely because they have a deep hatred for it and it goes so far against their morals.

I struggle with this personally. I don't view children as sexual objects, but my abuser did for me. So something tries to keep reminding me of that, in a very trolly way because it knows it pisses me off, can scare me, etcetera. But it does so in a way that makes it look like it's just pointing out something horrible I'm doing, feeling, etcetera.

The brain tries to cope with this by reassuring itself over and over again. Coming back to the thought, in a loop (like you described) and marinating over it and analyzing it or just continuing to be tortured by it. You may try to think of reasons that you DON'T, in fact see children that way but none are convincing or stop the obsession. it's because if you feed the trolls, they escalate it. So it's best to ignore it (I know, hard).

One thing that may seem convincing that you're a pedophile is the groinal response (please look it up). It feels like arousal. But it is really happening just because you are scared. The fear at feeling like a pedophile can cause this response very fast after seeing/ thinking about a child.

Now I know this explanation might sound a bit far fetched but please research and work with yourself on this because I really think this is not what you think it is and it would do you a world of healing to realize. I don't know your situation, but in your case, it might be that resisting the obsession "feels like death" because you were programmed to feel that way when fighting against it, the very tool you had to somewhat cope.

I know it may even feel incredibly convincing that you are attracted to them, but the "trauma trolls" (or any accompanying programming to obsess), can be very crafty. They know how to make you think something is true.

But I believe in you.

"I want to add to my answer regarding pedophilia and pOCD / pure O, that your brain may reassure you either by replaying or looping the thought (I know, it sounds counterproductive), OR by resisting the thought, which in turn feeds the loop. Sorry if that wasn't clear."

[Start] programmed culture is everyone in my life, including all of my friends, coworkers, classmates and even my current boyfriend thinking I look older, vastly older than I am, to the point where they thought I was an adult when I was underage and were surprised to hear i wasnt, to the point where I was getting liquor menus without being carded at 14.. #re-aging trafficking [End]

Thank you for sharing, and that sounds kind of freaky. I'm sorry you have to deal with that

Here's mine:

Programmed culture is thinking for a while that your abusers lied to you about your age but not being sure.

And thinking you must be younger than you are cause you didn't get your period till 15 (but to be fair that could be as a result of disordered eating), and you never really fit in with your grade but instead hung out with the grade younger than you in high school, and your sibling who is not even 2 years older than you also acting younger than their official age, and you reaching your full height at 18 or 19 instead of 15 like most girls, and having a younger sibling who seems a lot closer to you in age than the whopping 2.5 year gap you were told, and looking at pictures from when you were a child trying to do the math, and being smarter than you should be so maybe they gave you a higher age to hide the discrepancy?, and having a very conveniently placed birthday that happens to be the same day as that of the cult leader at the time, and having at least three other siblings with birthdays either conveniently planned, or at least revised, to fall on cult significant days.

And then after figuring this out just kind of not thinking about it a lot for a while, but then stumbling on this similar post on the internet, but when you search up this kind of re-aging it's still hard to find information and other personal accounts of it happening. If anybody knows of any that would be helpful.