#tw csa

If anyone actually gave a flying fuck about the well-being of children, our impulse wouldn't be to ARREST THEM for either being sexually active with peers OR BEING EXPLOITED BY ADULTS! I remember that in all the internet safety talks that I was given as a kid, the illegality of sending explicit pictures was what was emphasized the most. I remember being a confused middle-schooler who was taken advantage of by grown men and having to reckon with the fact that I couldn't tell ANYONE that I'd been exploited because there was a non-zero chance that I could end up on the sex offender registry. To this day I do not tell people about it (well, except now) because of how much I still fear the consequences of being a victim.

neevrmind he’s not getting in but my moms super eager for me to get in she might touch me

I'm sorry that I spent years of my childhood being sexually assaulted by authority figures and now how an intense fear of authority? I'm sorry that I can't just get over that?

i had a childhood friend. my dad was one of my dad's first friends when we first moved to where i currently reside in, so naturally, as they would hang out, we met each other. we were just little kids and we would hang out often.

we stopped hanging out as often because i moved schools. he then came to my middle school. this is when we started talking more again.

before i could even process it, the sweet, funny friend i once had turned into a malicious pervert. it started with simple things. he would compliment me. he would start touching me more. i didn't understand what was happening.

he started saying weird things about my legs. he told me about explicit material he watched. this started to become normal. he'd ask me to sit on his lap. he'd try touching me more and more in worse and worse ways. i was frozen. i didn't say anything because i felt like i couldn't.

he invited me to his house. he made me lay down and basically forced himself on me even though we were both still wearing clothes.

to cope, i began thinking he was in love with me, even though i had no feelings for him. i straight up asked him one day.

he said no, i was just "the only person who would let him do this."

i felt so ashamed. i realized i was just a body to him.

i started getting more closed off after that. my mom asked me why i didn't hug anyone anymore.

i vividly remember this one time where she asked me why i refused to wear shorts. i started to break down. she said that "people don't usually act like that" and asked if something had happened. i said no and continued to deny it for years.

when i told her about it, i think i was in the doctors office waiting for my doctor to come in. i said "i think [name] was kind of weird with me." we talked about it.

now, i've finally told my therapist. he told me i had been assaulted. i agreed. i am still trying to understand fully what happened and regain my autonomy day by day.