im

it’s getting so real in the bedtime story community

Last night I had a dream I woke up to find that my house had been turned into a Smart House with every wall being a digital screen including the roof so I could see it even laying on bed and the Siri voice said “Don’t worry. You are perfectly safe in your Apple Smart Home™️” knowing I have a BIG phobia of intruders especially at night and it continued with “Let’s explore the neighborhood from the comfort of your home” so it opened google maps and accidentally zoomed past a shitty jpeg of the girl from The Ring standing outside my house and it said “ignore that”. woke up laughing

hate how this 1) manages to make fun of Belgium without bothering to mention us 2) every single person in the notes knows this 3) it's true

🥲

Bro I fucking love the DB Cooper case nothing about this whole situation sounds real. None of the passengers on the plane realized they were being hijacked until the plane landed two hours after it was supposed to and the fbi showed up with suitcases full of money. The note about the bomb almost went unnoticed because the flight attendant thought she was being sexually harassed so she didn't read it. One of the main suspects was the first trans woman in Washington to have a sex change operation. A reporter who was so dead set on his suspect that he brought him to court was so upset about being wrong that he went catatonic and was treated with electroshock therapy and it WORKED. There's been multiple "I'm DB Cooper" death confessions. He never even SAID his name was DB Cooper. Either he got away with a million bucks in today's money and the most iconic and harmless crime American history or he impaled himself on a pine tree while falling a zillion miles an hour in the dark while clutching duffel bags full of cash and either option is equally hilarious. He wore a clip on tie. He committed an act of sky piracy. What in the fucking looney toons

We are full of so many fuckign guys

@ the ppl who claim Light had a long and tumultuous downfall to insanity caused by the “power of the notebook”…. he’s literally calling himself God and screaming at a TV halfway into the second episode? I mean, relatable, but hardly a journey…

Dude saw the slippery slope and decided to grab a sled

Normies talking about getting whiplash from recipe blogs. You know nothing

freshman year of college I (a simple lesbian) met a gay dude and we instantly clicked and started talking about our childhoods and stuff and discovered we were born in the same hospital on the same day so we became each other's beards and watched hentai together every weekend

That sentence started and ended in very different places

wallace gromited so that chicken run. is this something

i’m in spain rn and i said wallace gromited so that chicken run to my friend on the bus and the woman in front of us looked back at us then pulled out english duolingo

if shes your girl then why have i slowly been replacing her parts until there’s nothing left of her original body? is she then still your girl?

tumblrites can have a little intertextuality as a treat

*me shoving transitive properties into my purse* sorry, I have to go

spring