Hello Sweetie

Took a bunch of candles from my church’s Christmas service because I am CRIMINAL

0-12: childhood

12-22: t̷̬̳̫̜̬͙̯̝̤͌̇h̷̗̾̃̂̓̿̚̕̚ͅͅë̴̡̙̟͚͖͖̟́ ̶͙̲̱͍̝̔̔̾̾́d̴̛̫͚̳̫̈́̐̒̀̏̑̀͝ä̶̯͔͓͇̮̱̠͉́̓̋̌̈́̔̏ͅr̶̹̳̣̭̞̳̱͔͌ͅk̷̲̜͙̝̲̿̐̓ņ̷̢͔̺̤͕͕͓͋̐͆̈́̇́̆͜͠e̵͇͗̍͂̚ṣ̶̟̼̩́̍̉s̴̥̐̅ ̶̢̜͉͚͍̉̓͑̒̑͝o̵̧̠̙̐͗́̋͊̿̈́͛̉f̸̫͊̐̀̈́̕͝ͅ ̸̭̺͓̘̪́͝t̷̛̺͆̈́͘h̸͚̺̣͍̃̇̈́͑͋è̷̙͙͍͇͈͉͎̔̂̚ ̵͍̥̈́̆̆̐v̶͖̈̐̓͋̍̈́͘o̴̳͖͊͛̋i̸̙̾͂͆̈̓d̵̢̩͓̻͎̲͓̓͜

0-12: [memories redacted ‘cause trauma]

12-22: t̷̬̳̫̜̬͙̯̝̤͌̇h̷̗̾̃̂̓̿̚̕̚ͅͅë̴̡̙̟͚͖͖̟́ ̶͙̲̱͍̝̔̔̾̾́d̴̛̫͚̳̫̈́̐̒̀̏̑̀͝ä̶̯͔͓͇̮̱̠͉́̓̋̌̈́̔̏ͅr̶̹̳̣̭̞̳̱͔͌ͅk̷̲̜͙̝̲̿̐̓ņ̷̢͔̺̤͕͕͓͋̐͆̈́̇́̆͜͠e̵͇͗̍͂̚ṣ̶̟̼̩́̍̉s̴̥̐̅ ̶̢̜͉͚͍̉̓͑̒̑͝o̵̧̠̙̐͗́̋͊̿̈́͛̉f̸̫͊̐̀̈́̕͝ͅ ̸̭̺͓̘̪́͝t̷̛̺͆̈́͘h̸͚̺̣͍̃̇̈́͑͋è̷̙͙͍͇͈͉͎̔̂̚ ̵͍̥̈́̆̆̐v̶͖̈̐̓͋̍̈́͘o̴̳͖͊͛̋i̸̙̾͂͆̈̓d̵̢̩͓̻͎̲͓̓͜

“Oh, the places you’d go! If you weren’t oppressed by wage labor & class society”

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

“I don’t serve half-beers” the bartender replies

“Excuse me?” Asks mathematician #2

“What kind of bar serves half-beers?” The bartender remarks. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Oh c'mon” says mathematician #1 “do you know how hard it is to collect an infinite number of us? Just play along”

“There are very strict laws on how I can serve drinks. I couldn’t serve you half a beer even if I wanted to.”

“But that’s not a problem” mathematician #3 chimes in “at the end of the joke you serve us a whole number of beers. You see, when you take the sum of a continuously halving function-”

“I know how limits work” interjects the bartender  "Oh, alright then. I didn’t want to assume a bartender would be familiar with such advanced mathematics"

“Are you kidding me?” The bartender replies, “you learn limits in like, 9th grade! What kind of mathematician thinks limits are advanced mathematics?”

“HE’S ON TO US” mathematician #1 screeches

Simultaneously, every mathematician opens their mouth and out pours a cloud of multicolored mosquitoes. Each mathematician is bellowing insects of a different shade.  The mosquitoes form into a singular, polychromatic swarm. “FOOLS” it booms in unison, “I WILL INFECT EVERY BEING ON THIS PATHETIC PLANET WITH MALARIA”

The bartender stands fearless against the technicolor hoard. “But wait” he inturrupts, thinking fast, “if you do that, politicians will use the catastrophe as an excuse to implement free healthcare. Think of how much that will hurt the taxpayers!”

The mosquitoes fall silent for a brief moment. “My God, you’re right. We didn’t think about the economy! Very well, we will not attack this dimension. FOR THE TAXPAYERS!” and with that, they vanish.

A nearby barfly stumbles over to the bartender. “How did you know that that would work?”

Not to mention the way the money was made

Like, I get that famous actors have large amounts of money, some of them are even probably overpaid (I have complicated thoughts about how actors are paid because of the nature of acting as a career), but they are exchanging labor for money, and their salaries are an expense involved in making a movie.

But like... an actor is paid for a job. They’re a worker like the rest of us. Bezos isn’t paid for a job, he’s paid for being the person who owns Amazon and despite being obscenely wealthy, he does all sorts of shitty things and to underpay and exploit his workers, and avoid paying taxes, so that more of the money Amazon generates will be profit (worker’s salaries are not profit, they’re a business expense). 

These two mechanisms of acquiring money are fundamentally very different.