velveteen bones

these hips don't lie but the truths they tell are strange and disquieting

per my last desperate howl at the heavens,

blowjob? more like nojob! #unemployed

blowjob? more like job blows! #employed

Please save and share this info where possible. This report has since been removed by Amnesty International due to legal threats of libel from JK Rowling. This information is no longer easily accessible.

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

“but if i communicate it perfectly then they will understand me” WRONG 10,000 years of suffering

partially-managed mental illness is so fucking funny i'll be sitting around doing my job and suddenly think "wow i hate myself" and immediately get confused because, like, that's not TRUE! i love myself so much. who are you to talk to me like that

best sleeping conditions: freezing fucking cold room but layers and layers of blankets 

I can't watch a television show until a demon possesses me and compels me to do it

wedding dresses are white specifically so that if the bride goes axe-crazy you can rest assured you will see the blood stains all over her and it'll be sick as fuck

it IS monday. Let's get it on cunts

@ominous-signs

Official ominous spider

in dracula there is a cowboy and the female lead lives. in nosferatu there is no cowboy and the female lead dies. ergo, the existence of a cowboy is highly important for the survival of the female lead in a gothic vampire story.

"you don't like mpreg?" i don't even like fpreg

sex position: you, sitting on your throne. me, standing behind you, resting my arm on the back of your throne and sniling so sneetly at your ministers like i have any right to be there