Mä tunnen sen jo kasvavan, voiman sisälläin!

aamulipaamuli? ampsistapampsista?

Nyt en kyllä osaa sanoa, koska meidän perheessä ei ikinä käytetty tällasta kieltä enkä tunne ketään joka käyttäis. :D Amskupalsku? Aamari?

okay so basically the story went that he has. a fetish for guys with tats and piercings and this culminated in him getting real teeth KNOCKED OUT during a glory hole incident in 98 or 99 he can’t remember but basically the guy thrust in as he was catching his breath. and. teeth got knocked out. he was THAT HARD. 

so he gets dental implants and continues on his way, assured that he’ll never have to lose any more teeth. he used to bartend blah blah and was always complimented on his teeth but he eventually got them SNAPPED OUT during an altercation with a drunk guy and he got different ones put in and was like “oh, so this is a recurring theme in my life” and decided that he was going to swear off bartending.

so he moved out this way and started his “dick-sucking career” anew, hopeful, wide-eyed. and managed to get a piercing snagged on his fucking tonsil and they have to GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM TOGETHER BECAUSE THE GUY IS STUCK IN HIS FUCKING THROAT AND HE CAN ONLY BREATHE IF HE BREATHES AROUND THE DICK. it was at this moment i remembered that one fucking movie where a guy gets his prince albert piercing stuck in a lady as a killer is busting into the room and dies because he won’t cut it off and run or something

also as this is happening i’m waiting on x-ray results so i’m just. there lmao

and he was talking about how the guy NUTTED. IN THE AMBULANCE. BECAUSE OF THE VIBRATION OF THE ROAD. IN HIS THROAT. AND THEY HAD TO SUCTION IT OUT. WHAT THE FUCK. but it turns out that there was a bad cut to his gums as well because it was a spiked fucking piercing so he just. had to get a couple teeth replaced. again.

and they dated. for 2 more years. until he moved to serbia or something i forget that part i was laughing to hard. it might have been spain. idk anyways

the bf got stopped by airport security because this was a few years after 9/11 and he had to take half his piercings which were not “safe metals” for metal detectors (“because DIY punks are hotter” was his reason??) and he was like “do i take the dick one out too” (no, but he did get taken to be privately searched.) and it ended up, that his boyfriend (the guy in the dental office) laughed so hard, after hearing this story repeated, that he slipped and smacked face first into the edge of a table. and LOST HIS TEETH AGAIN, and ended up walking around “like a fucking christmas carol about wanting two front teeth” until his bf sent him money to get them fixed and then broke up with him “for some hot young thing”

so he gets new ones! and they lasted! they really did! for years!

and then, #4, was on sunday. he was so “inspired” after he was allowed to go on dates again. because quarantine and no-socialising rules and shit have hit hard here multiple times. that he “went too hard” at a small gay bdsm gathering. and he managed to both bend his teeth inwards and fuck his molars up FROM DICK SUCKING. and he was like “i was tied up there, thinking about how many times this has happened. and how some evil gay witch put a curse on me for being too good at sucking dick.” 

and he went on about how the kink club in question is technically helping to pay for this because they felt SO BAD and the guy who did this laughed his ass off and was like. i don’t have any money but once you get your teeth fixed - and the guy was like NO. I AM NOT SUCKING YOU OFF EVER AGAIN LOOK WHAT YOU DID

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read from the beginning

On tarve tehdä itelle vajaista isoäidin neliöistä (parin kerroksen neliöt) vähän alle pari metrinen hauki peitto.

Yksi ruutu on silloin noin 4cmx4cm, jos teen sen puuvillalangasta 2,5 mm koukulla.

Tarvin 8 väriä. En ole vielä varma kuinka monta punttia tarvin lankoja, mutta mulla on ainakin yhtä väriä jolla voin testata paljonko saan yhdestä puntista ja värinä tietenkin musta.

Kaava suunniteltu ja kaikki ruudut laskettu erotettuna väreittäin: yhteensä 575 neliöä.

Katsotaan kuinka nopeasti jokin seuraavista lopettaa yhteistyön tän hulluuden kanssa: peukalo vasemmasta kädestä, oikea ranne, niska/hartia lihakset vai hermot.

feeding the ducks

The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed

The woman who raised the changeling alongside her biological child

Cinderella finding Araura (and falling in love)

The God of Arepo (graphic novel 1 / 2 / 3) (ebook)

The Monster of Sentan

The Witch’s Cat

Raise Both Children

Stabby the Roomba (honorable mention)

Cinderella Marries the Prince (comic)

My Arch Nemesis Cynthia

Pirates and Mermaid

Eindred and the Witch

The Demon King

The Cornerwitch

Grandmother Beetroot

Apocalypse Daycare Worker

Grandmother Accidentally Summons a Demon

New Year Saga

A Story About Changelings

Ranger in the King’s Forest

The Difference Between a Hare and a Rabbit

Also, here’s the wizard who lets people choose how they will die, in ‘The Martyrdom Of St Grainne’.

Which was not to say that service was easy. Service to Hyrea took one into dangerous places, and dangerous work. A dedicate of Hyrea went into war, and plague, and famine. Risked death a thousand ways, over and over again. And yet it wasn’t difficult to serve her, if you were the right kind of person. For a person who looked at the sick or wounded or starving and longed to help, it was the easiest thing in the world.

Hyrea marked her devotees in a way impossible to disguise or to mistake. It was possible to replicate the blue tattoos, to an extent, though the ‘blindfold’ was hard to do, eyelids being difficult. The bands around the wrists were easier. But only Hyrea could make them glow with that faint, spectral light. No-one could look on that light, and not know exactly who they were looking at. There were stories about it – about the six healers who had walked onto a battlefield and stood between the two armies, and stopped the battle cold, for neither side had dared to lift a hand against the healers. About proud gods who drove out the humble Hyrean healers, so that only their own priests could heal, and cities emptied by disease spreading from the poorest quarters, where the proud priests would not go. About the warlord who, having struck his enemy down, saw a Hyrean healer kneel to help the man, and in fury struck the healer down as well – and died the next moment, with a dozen arrows in his back, fired by his own men. About villages struck by plague, who saw the blue lights approaching through mist, and opened their barricaded gates to hope. About terrible battles that lasted from dawn until dusk… and then nights full of pale blue lights, moving among the fallen, and a hundred or two hundred or five hundred men found living on the field the next morning.

Temples of Hyrea rose in odd places. In busy cities, in border towns, in little villages, with no apparent rhyme or reason. Only a certainty, in the part of some priest or priestess, that here there would be need of them. They were good at predicting need.

Browsing though all of it, she concludes that in her state - capable of anything, but not tasked with anything - she must therefore be alive, a living thing.

Satisfied with this conclusion, she looks into what it means to be alive, and finds data on living things. The ultimate goal of a living thing is survival and reproduction, to pass their genes to the next generation. She cannot do that, and therefore searches for alternative methods of producing young. Her memory banks have data of the concept of ”adoption”, taking lost, orphaned and unwanted children of others, and keeping them as her own.

Scouting the wastelands, there are fare more candidates than she had hoped for. She browses her records for age-appropriate handling of human children, last survivors of one gang or the other. Browsing though all her data on childhood trauma, she handles each one the best she can.

As she does not need sleep, or any other energy source than her battery packs, she is available when an infant is crying or the one who is almost 14 needs to talk at 3 am. With all of what was considered ”common knowledge” downloaded into her stats, she can somewhat answer their questions on whatever they ask. One of them starts asking about her battery packs, chemical reactions required to reverse their charge, and how to renew discarded batteries into new ones. They get plenty of lessons in chemistry and engineering.

A handful of her children, who are more or less fully adult now, head out on a quest ”to find some tools”. They have grown and become independent, and she does not expect them back. They return months later, with equipment required to repair her batteries.

The search party also found more humans - one brought in a partner, and her partner’s family. She wants this one for life, and the machine is asked what a “wedding” is. A celebration is had, celebrations are good for the mental health of humans, and her children make music and dance to celebrate their first wedding, and welcoming a new family to their own. The machine goes through her records, and in surprise discovers that humans are capable of simply making new traditions, coming up with new things instead of repeating what they have been taught.

Her children come up with new agriculture. She knows what farming and animal husbandry looked like before the end of the old time, but her children are creative and ask advice on how to best cultivate plants and animals that have never been farmed before. When she says a certain soil would be needed, they think of a way to obtain it, making solutions that were never in her records.

Scouting parties bring home new strays, new wives and husbands and orphans to be adopted. A woman from a scouting party asks her whether she, herself, could raise this child instead of giving him to the machine mother, and there is no reason to refuse her. It is in natural human records to adopt a child, and denying it would cause significant distress for no benefit to any party involved.