they really gave my ass internet access 🤦‍♀️

hit her gpt-spot by accident and she started saying we weren't just having sex, we were teaching a masterclass on pleasure

this and nothing #nothing

mcr is that one neighbor that wont stop lighting fireworks 2 weeks after 9/11

fourth of july.

look upon my sons and despair

there’s still idiots in my inbox asking if m this is real— yes it is.

Excuse me heroin addicted teenage Walmart employee can you unlock the cabinet full of things to put up my ass please

alien 1979 seemed like one of those movies where i knew basically everything that happens in it without watching it just through cultural osmosis. but i was wrong. nobody talks about how its got an evil robot in it

got my first ever official customer complaint because when i was going over the terms of their life insurance they were like "well i don't plan to die" and i was like "well you're going to"

“yeah dude just take the entire sleeve of cups i don’t fuckin care”