FairAndCruel

everyday i mourn that my parents did not make me study five languages during my critical window of language acquisition (2 to 7 years)

eda is 5 this year :)

There’s a gimmick blog right behind me with a gun to my head

The masculine connotation of a bow tie and the feminine connotation of a bow on the top of the head implies a nonbinary bow style placed directly over the nose

Why are you doing that? What the fuck is wrong with you??

it's uncanny how easy it is

Sound designing a vampire being hit in the face with a shovel is... challenging. Who would've guessed.

[Audio transcript: Ben Galpin voicing Jonathan Harker from Dracula by Bram Stoker. He says, "There was no lethal weapon at hand, but I seized a shovel which the workmen had been using to fill the cases, and lifting it high, struck, with the edge downward, at the hateful face," followed by a cartoon "bonk" and the Wilhelm scream. End transcript]

Schism? Schism today?

Wow, I didn't have "catholic schism" on my 2026 bingo card

It used to be cold. There used to be all these bugs.

Maybe he understood for the first time that to the boy he was himself an alien. A being from a planet that no longer existed. The tales of which were suspect. He could not construct for the child’s pleasure the world he’d lost without constructing the loss as well and he thought perhaps the child has known this better than he.

The grass used to be green in the summer not brown

In autumn, puddles would freeze overnight, and give the sharpest, sweetest snap when you stepped on them. All gone by late morning, but reappearing the next day with sharp crinkles and chimes.

mayflies used to coat the road so thoroughly in spring that their corpses made the road more slippery than black ice.

I hate it when you’re reading smut and you can’t figure out what position they’re in.

ITS BACK

lord 

Y’ALL NEED JESUS

Please stop reblogging this post

This post made my water break

In honor of my daughter’s first birthday next week, I’m sharing the post that made me laugh so hard that it broke my water.

WHAT

God, I love this accursed website.

Hey internet, the girl that was born from this post is 4 years old today (July 2 2021) also, the gif still makes me laugh. Happy Birthday, Marceline!!

Happy 5th Birthday Marceline!!!!!

Everyone calling 1yo posts, tumblr heritage posts. THIS is a tumblr heritage post. This post is roughly 10 years old now. This post was still making the rounds 5 years later making people laugh and breaking waters.

important reminder that most people you follow online are significantly lamer than you think they are including me. and if you feel insecure comparing yourself to someone online: DON'T. theyre probably also lame and weird. most people on the internet are

reblog if you're also lame and weird.