Pluppelina

like, titlecard: spring 2019.

opening shot: ilya and shane in the car, driving, sunglasses on, ep 1.06 callback, ilya lifts shane's hand to kiss it and shane's lip trembles, but they're silent and there's no music, just the muted sounds of the road. shane parks them in a parking lot. more silence. camera pans down to ilya's hand on shane's hand on the stickshift. ilya's hand is white knuckled, gripping too hard. shane swallows, looks away. flatline_II.mp3 starts playing. shane takes a breath, starts to say something. ilya takes his hand away, mouth tight, looking away from shane. micro-shane-hudson-face-journey.

"okay," shane says instead.

"okay," ilya says, and gets out of the car. low music.

"okay," shane says again, as the door closes, sounding scared. ilya's hand rests on the car door a beat too long.

we follow ilya from behind, inside a low-rise office building. into the elevator. sunglasses still on. down a hall. into an office. he sits down, opposite a woman, who says, "hello ilya," "hello," followed by a muted, distorted exchange, pulsing high music growing louder. ilya tapping his sunglasses on his thigh. the music builds and snaps. cuts out.

into the silence, ilya says, "last week you asked if i was thinking about killing myself."

the woman folds her hands, looks at ilya with a mild, concerned expression, "i did."

"i said no."

"you did."

"i lied," ilya says.

-- end scene.

“this isn’t true because the ex-friendship that traumatized me ended explosively after they were mad at me and never told me why” that’s not good. they shouldn’t be doing that

“i don’t think this is true because my current friend group is constantly icing me out until i figure out what ive done to upset them and properly apologized without being told” hey thats not good. they should not be doing that

Ilya not telling him that, of course, because it’s really not Shane’s business to know, but that’s what he plans.

Them driving to the cottage the first day they’re free of their hockey obligations, and maybe they’re so hungry for each other that they have a quickie right in the entryway, Shane getting to his knees and then Ilya returning the favour afterwards. And it’s good, because all their sex is good, but it’s such a appetiser of an orgasm for Shane,(an amuse bouche, if you will 😏) something to take the edge off, because of course Ilya is only letting him come when they see each other during the season, and the playoffs have been loooong.

And usually, this is the way their reunions go, they have sex the second they are physically able to, and then they actually relax for a bit, and then they fuck again, and then they have dinner, and then they’ll go another round before bed, etc etc. And this is what happens, it’s just that Ilya is the only getting off after that, and Shane is left needy and wanting and so horny he could tear his own hair out.

And maybe he eventually gets his body to calm down enough for his erection to go soft, and they go to bed, and he thinks “well it’s okay, I’ll get to cum tomorrow, right?” Only tomorrow comes (ha) and he still doesn’t, Ilya is still teasing him, edging him, getting him as close as possible and then backing off. And Shane is pissed, he waited all season for them to get to spend time together, to fuck to their hearts content and all he gets is one barely satisfying hallway blowjob?? While Ilya is using him multiple times a day and getting off as much as he wants?

(Of course this unfairness also makes him so horny that he can’t think straight lol)

This stretches for a week or so, and then Shane is breaking, sobbing and begging at Ilya’s feet that he can’t keep doing this, “please Ilya, please let me cum, I can’t, I need to cum, please, every time you fuck me I worry I’m gonna go over the edge, please please let me cum.”

And Ilya is petting him, shushing him, telling it’s okay, you need me to help you out, da?

And Shane is nodding and going “yes please, thank you thank you,” shaking with the relief that he’s gonna get to cum, that Ilya is finally gonna stop teasing him.

And then Ilya is busting out a cock cage for him and Shane is going 😧 frozen in disbelief as Ilya is putting it on him, crushing his erection down so he’ll fit inside, locking the little padlock and then taking off his mother’s necklace so he can thread the key onto the chain.

“See, there you go, baby, this means you don’t need to worry about cumming anymore, the cage will stop you, isn’t that kind of me?”

And Shane is seething about the injustice but also he would have cum already if it was possible for him to through sheer force of will in the face of how horny this symbol of ownership makes him.

And the summer passes, and slowly Shane starts to get used to the denial, starts forgetting what a full orgasm even feels like, getting by with Ilya milking his prostate every few days. He stops begging to cum, doesn’t bother to even ask for permission anymore because he knows he’ll be denied, and every time he manages not to ask while they have sex Ilya is so so sweet to him afterwards.

(And every time he catches a glimpse of that key on Ilya’s chain, right there in the open at the hollow of his throat for everyone to see, he feels a bit like he’s losing his mind)

Eventually, the summer must end, and it’s their last night in the cottage. Shane is on his hands and knees while Ilya fucks him, the cage swinging with the force of his thrusts. He’s used to the frustration now, the ache between his legs as his cock tries to get hard while the unyielding bars of the cage dig into the sensitive flesh, the pleasure that builds but has nowhere to go, the fuzzy feeling of submission that comes from serving Ilya with no reciprocation.

And then there’s a hand between his legs, the key slotting into the lock, the cage being removed. He doesn’t dare to hope- Ilya had done this a few times near the beginning, opening the cage up to tease him and then locking him back up again, laughing at Shane’s sweaty, red face after he’d been denied yet again - but this time Ilya works him with his hand as he fucks into him, getting to the edge.

Shane is panicking a little, the threat of an orgasm sneaking up on him quickly. “I’m close, Ilya, please, if you don’t stop I’m gonna cum, please, Sir, please. ”

And Ilya is plastered against his back, in his ear going “it’s okay, sweetheart, you’re allowed, you can cum, that’s it, let go”

And then Shane is cumming so hard he blacks out 🙂

Shane Hollander, however, does not have that reaction. He tries to stay silent as much as he can but he can't help the occasional moan, whimper, or gasp that's pulled from him. He's entirely relaxed on the table, not pulling away, not tensing, just letting it happen, his brows a little scrunched up. He's the only Centaur who doesn't call an end to the massage. What brings his time on the table to an end is Ilya striding up to him, red-faced and flustered, saying, "okay, enough, you're done."

And I do think it's a discomfort with the meanness inside all of us. As in, the part of ourselves that wants to make someone uncomfortable, if not downright suffer, or experience fear. The desire to inflict pain is there when someone pisses you off, and you have the impulse to yell at them or smack them or put them in their place. It's there when you want to show your friend something disgusting. It's there when you celebrate a politician's death.

And whether or not you go through with the impulse, the desire itself is mean. Perhaps the memory of being on the other side of meanness repulses you from the desire you see within yourself. Perhaps you see meanness for indulgence's sake as a flaw or a sin, but if it can be used for something that feels like justice - if we can catch the bad guy and bring him to his knees - then maybe it can be justified. Maybe we can revel in it, a little bit. As a treat.

Ilya doesn't want to harm. (Not really. And never anyone he cares about or anyone who doesn't deserve it.)

But it often serves him to cause discomfort, and he sees no problem in this, whether the discomfort be as a distraction, for his own amusement, to test someone, to get their attention, etc.

And causing non-harmful pain gets him going. Because it proves he can be himself, be a little rough, not be 100% gentle, and not harm. He can be himself, be a little rough, etc. and still be wanted. It proves that he is trusted, even when he isn't being gentle, to be good.

But desire does not always equal action. It *shouldnt* always equal action. We should be able to discern a desire - however brief or confusing or not in alignment with our higher values - with the actions we take because we are thoughtful about how we impact the people and world around us.

The problem I think is actually that a lot of people are deeply uncomfortable with desire, in all the grotesque forms it can take. This is something people talk a lot about with Shane’s character but not as much with Ilya’s.