forward guard.

Hey man, I saw your living weapon staring at its reflection. You might wanna get that looked at

Yeah, your emotionless tool of destruction is beginning to develop a sense of self. Probably nothing to worry ‘bout though

all yall make jokes about couples and their nonromantic third wheel having fun together, but im the one getting treated to food tonight by the couple im nonromantically third wheeling. you wish you were me

I'm sorry I read this as "necromantic third wheel" and went on a very rapid powerful imagination adventure. hello lovebirds I'm the skeleton here for breadsticks

National Weather Service just said to watch for grave and ghostly apparitions of omen, misery and suspense between noon and 12:05 PM tomorrow

GO GIRL!!!! GIVE US ROT!!! GIVE US DECAY! RETURN TO THE EARTH

got my lab results back turns out i’m full of rage because i am full of grief

Nah dude don’t worry about it, she’s always saying shit like “I am bound to oaths I no longer believe in…” and trying to die in pointless battles. I wouldn’t pay it much mind

the last guy's blood didn't splatter across my face and shirt sexily or aesthetically enough so i have to kill again. sorry.

could be just me but i think more girls should be casting pitch black magic that reads like a smear of ink across the eyelids and drips with evil intent?

truly some people have no genre savviness whatsoever. A girl came back from the dead the other day and fresh out of the grave she laughed and laughed and lay down on the grass nearby to watch the sky, dirt still under her nails. I asked her if she’s sad about anything and she asked me why she should be. I asked her if she’s perhaps worried she’s a shadow of who she used to be and she said that if she is a shadow she is a joyous one, and anyway whoever she was she is her, now, and that’s enough. I inquired about revenge, about unfinished business, about what had filled her with the incessant need to claw her way out from beneath but she just said she’s here to live. I told her about ghosts, about zombies, tried to explain to her how her options lie between horror and tragedy but she just said if those are the stories meant for her then she’ll make another one. I said “isn’t it terribly lonely how in your triumph over death nobody was here to greet you?” and she just looked at me funny and said “what do you mean? The whole world was here, waiting”. Some people, I tell you.