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@pikmlm
the best piece of relationship advice i ever got was “a relationship isn’t 50/50, it’s 60/40 with each party excited to be the 60”. which to me means that you should be with someone who makes you want to do more, be more, open your heart even wider. why WOULDNT you like making life easier for your loved one(s)?
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the thing about "trans guys have it easier" is that when you look into it its really more of a folk myth than anything. people come up with all sorts of stories to explain this "fact." people will tell you that people seen as men are gender-policed much more harshly than people seen as women and every little deviation towards femininity is noticed and punished, and that's why trans guys have it easier. but you'll also hear people tell you that people seen as men have so much more wiggle room, men can be all kinds of sizes and shapes meanwhile people seen as women have to fit into this tiny little box, and that's why trans guys have it easier.
these are two entirely contradictory lines of logic, but they lead to the same conclusion. because the conclusion is the point. its a backformed theory of gender. people believe, for whatever reason, that "trans guys have it easier" is an objective fact, and then storytell an explanation for why that is that sounds right to them. and this isn't necessarily something that's done maliciously, which is key. its not about people twiddling their fingers and thinking about how to contribute to a massive conspiracy against transmascs. its about people just feeling, on a gut level, that trans guys must have it easier, by which they really mean, transmasculine suffering isn't socially visible, and it isn't natural for me to imagine it, therefore it must not exist; yet, trans suffering in general clearly exists, so there must be some reason that transmasculine suffering feels so abstract and immaterial to me and others.
this is why anti-transmasculinity theory is so important. all kinds of people come to this conclusion, and the best explanation for why this strange thing happens and why no one talks about it is anti-transmasculinity & erasure as a social force which people internalize.
also note that both lines of logic above come from trying to use traditional cisfeminist thinking to make sense of transmasculine experiences.
even though the explanations are entirely flipped (one relies on male gender performance being highly policed and that affecting trans people assigned male more than those assigned female, the other relies on female gender performance being highly policed and that affecting trans people transitioning towards femininity more than those transitioning towards masculinity), they are both trying to take the model of "women suffer because they are women and men benefit because they are men" and contort it to explain transmasculine experiences.
this is why these explanations make very little sense when you really look at them. when you only have a hammer, everything looks like a nail; when you can only analyze gender through a cissexist lens, everything looks fundamentally cis.
cisfeminism struggles greatly to actually deal with social hatred for androgyny and intersexuality and transness, because you can make feminist arguments and feminist theory that can explain many (though clearly not all) women's experiences without ever questioning the binary.
but you fundamentally cannot do that for trans (especially nonbinary) people or intersex people, and so the framework has to bend and break itself into a contradictory and often reactionary mess in order to try and explain our experiences without giving up the binary. once again, y'all are always on that damn exorsexism and it makes your feminism shitty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
gonna add my definition of cissexism from the notes here:
"cissexism it is the ideology which promotes the beliefs of:
gender being an oppositional binary between men and women,
gender being inherent/objective/unchanging,
people of certain genders having certain innate traits,
gender (identity/performance) should/must be socially and institutionally policed, and
cis people's experiences of gender are the most real and important and that trans experiences of gender must be able to be put into the boxes used by cis people in order to be real or meaningful.
"trans men have it easier than trans women because [cis] men of other marginalized groups have it easier than [cis] women" is an example of cissexism as it assumes that, amongst other things, trans men are an intersection of some vague "transness" and "manhood" as defined by cis men's experience with manhood, as opposed to being a socially unique gender position under patriarchy."
(note: I mostly left out intersex people from this definition because there exists the term "intersexism" for a reason. while both forms of sexism build off each other, & fundamentally cissexism is intersexist and intersexism is cissexist, i don't think its actually helpful, as an intersex person, to use any term (cissexism or exorsexism) that is primarily used by trans people to describe non-intersex-related trans issues, to describe intersex issues. intersexism is far more than one or two lone bullet points in a definition otherwise focused on gender and trans people as a group (including the majority of perisex trans people) and everyone should learn more about intersex activism and intersex terminology rather than simply trying to make intersex people a small part of terms and concepts that are not centering us when we desperately need that. sex and gender are constructs defined by each other but it is still useful to understand how they differ, especially when intersex people are constantly made into a side note on trans issues and people think that being a good trans ally automatically means you are a good intersex ally. tl;dr cissexism is inherently intersexist but that doesn't mean cissexism should be used to describe intersexism; instead we should talk about both and the inherent connective tissue that links them.)
the thing about misogyny is that nothing makes apparent how prevalent it is faster than just pointing out misogyny, which will have people scuttering out of the damn sewers like ninja turtles to accuse you of being an overly sensitive shit-stirring know-nothing who's making up things to be offended about. which is actually also pretty misogynistic, but if you point it out people will come scuttering out of the damn sewers—
Not to be a bitch but sometimes people engage with fiction in the most boring way possible, and nowhere is this clearer than in videogames. Like what you mean you hate a character just because they were kind of abrasive when speaking to the player character? "They were mean to me" and it didn't occur to you to wonder why? Like, what might their attitude toward you reveal about the world? About the social dynamics within it? About their own perspectives and backgrounds and personalities? Does it even occur you to ask? Would you only have liked them if they bowed to your presence and talked about how great you are? Like I'm sorry but you're so boring. How boring fiction would be if it cathered to you
[ID: Tumblr post by @ ballgame: Video games are simultaneously the best mediums for morally complex narratives because it's harder for the player to distance themselves from the situation and come to a smug outsider's conclusion than it would be with other mediums but also the worst option because most gamers are fucking idiots. /End ID]
Listening to The Garages without having seen the thing they’re from or played baseball is sometimes just listening to a normal band, but then occasionally it’s like picking up the fifth tape recording in a series in an rpg without having heard the other four or even played the game they’re from.
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no one cares that you shave your legs because of sensory issues shut the fuck up forever
really galling amount of people misinterpreting this post so i'd like to clarify. i'm saying that when discussions about patriarchal beauty standards and the way women are heavily shamed and coerced into eschewing their own natural state of being (hairy) are occurring, it is unhelpful (AT BEST) to interrupt and say that the reason YOU remove the hair from your body is because of sensory issues. that's not what we're talking about. stop asking for validation for doing something that society at large wants you to do. stop derailing the conversation because you feel uncomfortable about being made aware that you, for whatever reason it is, adhere to harmful, unfair and ridiculous beauty standards. you're stepping into the middle of an important conversation that needs to be had and making it all about you. shut the fuck up forever.
also quite frankly i think a lot less people would experience sensory issues if they let their hair grow out so that it isn't bristly and rough and irritating. and i cannot help but wonder why these sensory issues aren't as predominant in men. maybe you're uncomfortable with the hair on your body because you've been taught to be uncomfortable with it. just a thought.
This is what burgers look like in your mind when all the places to get food near you have already closed
Talking to my traumatized friends like “take your time responding and don’t feel any need to cater to my opinion in this matter just tell me the truth about what you feel. Your feelings are valid. ” and it’s about like choosing where to go to lunch.
Y'all do not know how long it took for me to finally realize "telling other people what I think they want to hear" is not the nicest kindest choice for me to always make. And neither do I, because I'm still learning it, but as soon as I do I'll be sure to tell you How Long It Took.
Because, haha, it turns out? Most people actually don't need to be constantly right, always in control, and perpetually being reassured. And they'll feel funny (negative) when you treat them like they do. Because people mostly assume that how you treat them is a direct reflection of how you perceive them, and they will never assume you're treating them that way because of someone who literally isn't currently in the room.
Wild, I know.
In actuality, people already know you have a preference because that is a very normal thing to have. And because you're never as slick as you think you are, you definitely won't fool anyone by pretending you don't. So the actual kindest choice to make is to just be honest about what you want, because most people will feel most comfortable when they know for sure that the decision you've both made is truly a mutual agreement.
Genuinely? Mind-blowing concept. But a very helpful thing to remember.
nobody knows how i write bc i dont share my writing. but rest assured: its 99% fluff (as in verbal fluff, not soft-cute-cuddle fluff) and 0% plot. i dont write things with plot. theres never an end point or a middle point or even a starting point it is just straight up Words.
reverse parasocial relationship: your idol knows everything about you
actually I need to elaborate that this is inspired by my friend telling me about how the contestants on love island are cut off from the outside world but the show keeps inviting famous guest hosts who have kept up with it so from their perspective megan Thee stallion shows up and already knows who they are and is aware of stuff they said in private asides like 24 hours ago
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28 year old tumblr users will look at you and say do you remember thwomp day of 2013 when everyone was posting thwomp from mario 64 in different audio
"tumblr hates trans women and loves banning them for no reason" is a very strong statement but its both difficult to prove definitively and easy to lose credibility if you cant prove it.
"tumblr does not care enough about trans women to bother checking if theyre genuinely breaking rules or just being mass reported as part of a harassment campaigns" is likely more accurate and no less damning.
it definitely makes some inherent sense to think that people that hurt you out of malevolence are worse or more dangerous than people who hurt you out of simple indifference or incompetence, but often that is not the case. hanlon's razor is an observation, not an absolution
it is not actually hard to see that a trans girl is going to be a girl in a story if you dont hate or actively avoid thinking about women. you too can develop this skill by caring about them in real life and not just when they are characters. and talking to them even
'how did you know this' every single girl ive been friends with for the last four years has looked at both of those characters and went god shes so me and i was like interesting. tell me more. instead of telling them they were seeing faces in tree bark. because i remember what it was like to be transgender and have no one listen to or care about me so why the fuck would i do that to them
washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes
Tbh there is an overabundance of media about a nonhuman creature's deep desire and journey to become human, and so very few of the opposite
Many of those movies/shows are very good and I like them but the whole time I'm feeling like it's tragic in a way. The thought of a creature giving up its otherness to assimilate into humanity is really fuckin sad to me. Or a human getting the chance to be something else freaking out and rejecting it.
Just makes me feel all the more alienated, y'know. Like "damn why don't I relate to this allegedly universal enthusiasm for being human" and "why is the desire to be anything else always wrong"
I want more stuff where a human chooses to stop being human, and this is portrayed as a reasonable choice, and the person is happy as a result.
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What if a living weapon whumpee remained a weapon but in a reclamatory way. You made me into this, but now I will use it to fight against you. You made me into this, but now I will use it to protect those who are better to me than you were. You made me into this, but I decide what happens with it from here.
it's actually so crazy how much the simpsons would fucking suck if it didn't have any of the simpsons characters. just a bunch of shots of empty houses and streets for half an hour while nothing happens. that would be so badddd lol
yeah that tends to happen when you remove characters from media. without characters its all just background. i guess movies set in scenic locations would still land as kinda nature docs but even then
it only happens with the simpsons
this same criticism could be applied to nearly any media ever.
it's just the simpsons. are you a troll?
Dragon's right, if you remove all the Simpsons characters from Death Note it hardly changes anything
