ᵀʰⁱˢ ᵗᵒᵒ ˢʰᵃˡˡ ʳᵒᵗ

Your injuries were bad. Worse than the ones you have now. You and Spinner took on Sensei together, using your quirk-canceling bullets to weaken him however you could, but you both knew it wouldn’t be enough. Sensei had too many quirks, too many ways to retaliate. He targeted you first and used Rivet Stab to put five holes in your chest and stomach. By the time Tomura got there, Sensei was already after Spinner, and you were bleeding out in the mud.

Tomura knew you could heal yourself. He gave you Overhaul so you could save both of you, but your hands stayed at your sides, your eyelids falling half-shut, then closed. You were going to die. You were choosing to die. You’re only still here because Tomura made you stay.

It’s not even the only thing that’s wrong. The first time Tomura took your clothes off after the first war ended, he couldn’t believe how many new scars you’d picked up. At first he thought the heroes had tortured you. He’s pretty sure you only told him the truth so he wouldn’t run off and start the war all over again. Why would you hide things from him? You’d be furious if Tomura hid things from you, so why do you get to do it to him? Tomura adds that question to the list of things he needs to ask you when you wake up.

He can hear the chaos in the rest of the hospital scaling up, and after a few minutes, Spinner comes back to report. “All Might’s here,” he says. “He wants to speak to you.”

“Why the fuck would I want to talk to him right now?” Tomura can’t believe Spinner’s even asking. “I’m not leaving her. And All Might can’t see her, since we’re pretending she’s dead. Tell him to fuck off.”

“Tell — All Might — to — fuck — off.” Spinner pretends he’s taking notes. “Are you sure you don’t want to tell him yourself? You’d get more out of it than I would.”

Any other day, Tomura would love the chance to insult All Might to his face. He hasn’t forgotten the way All Might treated him at USJ, belittling him and swatting him aside to protect a bunch of privileged brats. But the most privileged of those brats is on the bottom of the heap now, thanks to you and the bullets you made. The power’s not in All Might’s hands anymore. All Might didn’t do this to you, so All Might doesn’t matter right now. Tomura can deal with him later.

“You tell him,” he says to Spinner. Spinner nods. “I’m staying here.”

A few minutes after Spinner leaves, one of the doctors exits the operating room. A moment later, the door to the observation room opens. “I’m here to provide an update on Saintess’s condition,” he says. “We’ll be closing soon.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means we’ve fixed the damage we’re able to through surgical means,” the doctor says. “When Saintess awakens, she can use the quirk you gave her to repair the rest.”

“So she’s going to make it,” Tomura says, and the doctor nods. Nobody’s told him the plan yet, so Tomura has to. “The heroes are here. They brought their healing quirks. I want you and everybody else to act like she’s dead.”

“What?”

“Act like she’s dead. Like she died at the scene, or like you couldn’t save her.” Tomura’s mouth tastes like bile. “Pick what you want. Don’t let anyone know she’s alive. Tell your team.”

“Yes, Grand Commander.” The doctor looks uneasy. “If I may ask — why?”

“If they think she’s dead, they’ll stop trying to kill her.” Tomura means it, but it’s not even close to the only reason. He’s faking your death for propaganda purposes. To enrage his own side. To scare hero Japan into submission. He’s using you. It feels disgusting. “Spinner and the rest of the League know the truth. When you need to update me about her, tell them and they’ll tell me. Do you understand?”

The doctor nods and turns to leave. “Wait,” Tomura says. “If she makes it —”

“I believe she will.”

“Then I owe you,” Tomura says. “Doctors, nurses — whoever. All of you.”

The doctor inclines his head. “And Chronostasis,” he says. Tomura grimaces. “Without him, she would have died of her injuries before we could reach her.”

Tomura believes that. He’s sure enough about it that it settles into his bones. He owes Chronostasis. No way around it. At the same time, there’s no way in hell that he’s going to ask for Overhaul’s release from prison — but maybe that shouldn’t be his call. Tomura adds another question to the list of things to ask you.

He should have asked the doctor when you were going to wake up. Where did he go? Tomura tries to go back through the door the doctor left through and finds that it’s locked. Fuck that. He’s about to put his fifth finger down and Decay his way through when the other door to the observation room opens behind him. Tomura turns and finds All Might silhouetted in the doorway.

Either someone on Tomura’s side slipped up, or All Might’s rule about killing villains isn’t quite as absolute as he wants everyone to think. “What are you doing here?”

“Your friends said you didn’t want to see anyone, but —”

“They weren’t kidding. Fuck off before I put another hole in your stomach.” Tomura waits a second, then another. “I know you’re old. Are you going deaf, too? Get out.”

“This cannot wait,” All Might says, and actually takes another step into the room. “I wanted to express my condolences. I’m so sorry about —”

He says your real name, but Tomura blanks it right out of his head. “Don’t call her that,” he snaps. “You don’t get to call her that. You don’t get to start acting like she’s a person to you now that it’s too late.”

“She has always been a person to me,” All Might says. He shuts the door behind him. “I met her during her captivity. I was the one who argued for her release back to you.”

You told Tomura that. You kept a lot about what happened while the heroes had you quiet, but you told him who convinced them to let you out. “You let her out because she was useful. Because she was a tool you could use to carve Sensei out of me. That’s not the same thing.”

“No, it’s not.” All Might’s a better actor than Tomura remembers him being. “I conducted research into the two of you while she was our captive. I wanted to understand what could lead a civilian to side with you, and in the process I learned that your suffering began well before you came into All For One’s possession. That shouldn’t have happened to you.”

“No shit.” Tomura grits his teeth. “If you’re just going to stand here and tell me what I already know —”

“I’m telling you what I told her. It was my job to protect you and I failed,” All Might says. Tomura’s throat slams shut. “She protected you instead. As much as she could, for as long as she could. I’m here to return the favor. Er — Kurogiri —”

Before Tomura can ask what the fuck All Might thinks he’s doing giving commands to Tomura’s friends in Tomura’s fucking country, a warp gate opens and someone steps through. Someone small, who’s clutching a toy that looks familiar. “I’m sure you remember Eri,” All Might says. “Her quirk allows her to —”

“I know what it does.” Tomura’s stomach rolls, twists. He curls his hand into a fist so he won’t rip it out. “Why are you here?”

“You were nice to me. She was nice to me.” Eri’s red eyes are tearful. She wipes her nose on the back of her hand. “I don’t know if I can, but I want to try.”

“Try what?”

“Bringing her back,” All Might says. “If Eri rewinds the clock on Saintess’s body —”

He trails off. If you really were dead, Tomura would jump at the chance. He’d grab Eri and activate one of his speed quirks, tearing off through the hospital until he found your body so she could try to bring you back to life. But you’re alive. You’re going to live. And because you’re going to live, Tomura’s not going to hide the truth. “She doesn’t want to come back.”

It’s silent. In the operating theater, someone comes into clear the mess away. Wipe up the bloodstains. Throw away the gauze and tools. Make it so you were never here. This was your job when Tomura was getting the quirks transplanted, what the doctor made you do. What Tomura made you do, because he’s the one who wanted you to be there. Just like he made you live.

Guilt claws at him, harder than he’s ever scratched himself, but Tomura can’t be the only one who did this to you. He can’t be the only reason. The real reason is standing right here. “This is your world. The one that cares more about heroes’ feelings than villains’ lives. The one where quirks are all that matter. Your world was so fucking awful that she’d rather have died than keep living in it. I promised her I’d make her a new one, but I was too late.”

It’s All Might’s fault. All his fault, just like Sensei always said. But the kid’s still standing there, tears running down her cheeks, and she’s not the one who did this to Tomura. Or to you. Tomura wrenches his eyes away from the operating theater and crouches down to face her. “She’d be really proud of you for wanting to help people,” he says. Eri nods. “She’d want you to go help the people who can be helped. Those are the ones who need you.”

“Saintess —”

“She’d want to rest now.” Tomura knows you’re alive. Knows you’re asleep somewhere in the hospital, waiting for the anesthesia to wear off. Why’s he still fucking crying? “I love her. So I have to let her go.”

“She would never have let you go,” All Might says, and Tomura’s guilt almost swallows him whole. “That’s what love meant to her.”

“Because she’s a hero,” Tomura says. “I’m not.”

He knows you’d argue with that. You think Tomura is a hero, too. Your hero. And he really is just like a hero, because he let you down. “If you want to do something for her, go save some people. That’s what she’d be doing if she was here. Since she can’t anymore, it’s up to you. Okay?”

“Okay,” Eri whimpers. She hugs Tomura, the corgi plush that looks like Mon-chan caught between them. “I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t you,” Tomura says. He puts up with the hug for a little while, then pulls away. “Go.”

The door shuts behind them. Tomura takes a deep breath, then another, hating the way they get caught in his throat. Everything he said to them was true — but so was what All Might said to him. You’d never just let Tomura go. You’d fight for him, like you’ve always fought for him, even when all you were fighting was his certainty that there was nothing worth living for. When did Tomura change his mind? How did you make him believe?

He needs to remember. When you wake up, he’s going to do the same for you.

Spinner doesn’t come back to report, but Magne and Inada do. “The heroes are scared shitless. They don’t buy that you’re not going to retaliate.”

“I never said I wasn’t going to. What else?”

“They’re really going plus ultra, from what I can tell.” Inada makes air quotes with red-painted fingernails. “They’re terrified of patients dying on their watch. They don’t see this as just saving people here. They’re trying to save Japan.”

“Our lives only matter when saving us means saving someone else.” Dabi slunk into the room when Tomura wasn’t looking. “Same old, same old.”

Tomura wonders if you’ll see it like that. Or if you’ll just be happy that lives are being saved. “I told you to keep an eye on the heroes, too. What are they doing?”

“Shitting themselves in terror,” Dabi says. “And they’re getting a lot of angry phone calls. Apparently All Might made that offer without asking the civilian government first. Get a load of this.”

He takes out his phone and shows Tomura a video of some civilian politician bitching All Might out for assisting a hostile power, while All Might keeps trying to point out that hero Japan and Japan Nova aren’t actually at war. About forty-five seconds into the video, All Might loses his temper, and Tomura gets to watch the former Number One hero and Symbol of Peace tell a government official to shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. Magne cackles at it. “I’ve never seen him get riled up like that outside a battle. He’s committed.”

“He brought the kid here. Eri,” Tomura says, and they turn to look at him. “He thought Rewind could help.”

“Yeah, I saw her running around. She regrew somebody’s leg,” Dabi says. His gaze sharpens. “He brought her here for Saintess. To bring her back to life. What the fuck?”

“You said no, right?” Inada demands. “Tell me you said no.”

“Of course he said no. She’s out of surgery, and we’re pretending she’s dead.”

Tomura doesn’t think that’s what Inada’s talking about. Inada has a good read on you even when she’s not using her quirk, which means you wanting to hurt yourself or die didn’t come as a shock. She knows you, like Tomura does. Enough to know that you stopped wanting to live at some point. “It’s good that the kid is helping. Nobody else on the heroes’ side can do the stuff she can.”

“Agreed, but — holy fuck. They’re pulling out all the stops,” Magne says. “Saying she’s dead was the right call. They’re going crazy.”

“No, they aren’t,” Inada says. “They’re acting like her.”

Right. You healed people during the last battle. Heroes. You helped heroes during the ceasefire, too. The world thinks you died trying to help people, and because you’re dead, they’re trying to take your place. Save the people you would have saved. Prevent the war you would have argued against. Follow your example. Inada’s right, but Tomura’s with Magne. The heroes have lost their minds. Stain would be proud.

A high command meeting gets called at some point, hosted in the hospital because the hospital’s full of heroes and not even the Freedom Alliance would be dumb enough to bomb All Might on purpose. Your ex tells everyone that the Freedom Alliance expected Tomura to attack hero Japan in response to the bombing, which would have provided justification for an expansion of the war. As it is, the bombing isn’t playing well in the court of public opinion. A bunch of countries have issued condemnations, saying that bombing nonmilitary targets is never acceptable, not even if the civilians are citizens of a country full of villains. The Freedom Alliance has an answer to that, too.

“It’s a military target because Saintess was there?” Re-Destro repeats. “Is this a joke?”

“She’s a member of our leadership. They’re also saying that there’s no such thing as a civilian in Japan Nova, because we’re a rogue state and they all chose to live here,” Spinner says, scanning the statement. “Basically, they didn’t do anything wrong.”

“According to my reading of the Geneva Convention, they committed multiple war crimes,” your ex says. He looks tired. “But we’re discussing the most powerful nations in the world. International condemnation means nothing to them.”

“Neither does the Geneva Convention,” Re-Destro snaps. “What are our options for a response? Our allies —”

“What allies? No one is going to challenge them —”

Japan Nova doesn’t have any allies. It’s got some nonaggression pacts that you were able to negotiate, and some trade deals with countries that care more about their bottom line than they do about the Freedom Alliance being pissed at them, but that’s about it. There’s nobody who’s going to jump to their defense. Even hero Japan —

That’s it. Tomura and his friends might not have allies, but hero Japan doesn’t, either. The people who claim they’re helping hero Japan deliberately risked the lives of every person who lives there, just to give themselves an excuse to broaden the scope of the war. Hero Japan just learned the same lesson Tomura and his friends learned a long time ago: Their lives don’t matter. The people with power can just throw them away.

When Tomura realized that, he was furious. His friends were furious, too. And he saw that same fury on someone else today. Tomura gets up and leaves the meeting. Once he’s in the hall, he calls Kurogiri. “Can you get me Present Mic?”

“Hizashi?” Kurogiri’s expression shifts. “Why?”

Last Tomura heard, Present Mic is in charge of the new Heroes’ Public Safety Commission, which still makes up most of the government. “I have a plan.”

“Zashi makes good plans,” Kurogiri says. It still weirds Tomura out to hear Kurogiri talk about heroes like they’re his friends. “One moment.”

Tomura’s never talked to Present Mic one on one. Sometimes when he’s bored he daydreams about torturing Present Mic, since that’s what Present Mic wanted to do to you. Right now he’s got something else on his mind, and once Kurogiri sets Mic down in front of Tomura, and Tomura gets right to the point. “They want us dead, and they don’t care if they get all of you killed to make it happen. That means we’re on the same side.”

“No, it just means we’re fucked,” Mic snaps. “They’re going to go through us to get to you. There’s nothing we can do about it. If we do nothing, they’ll wipe us out. If we attack you, you’ll wipe us out. If we help them, they’ll still wipe us out. There’s no way we come out of this alive.”

“There’s one way,” Tomura says. “Help us instead of them.”

Mic’s jaw drops. His mouth is fucking huge. “Help you?”

“We helped you before,” Tomura says. “You couldn’t have beaten Sensei alone.”

“You stole half the country and ran away, and now you want our help?” Mic laughs. “You’re out of your mind. She really was the brains of the operation, huh?”

“I should kill you for that,” Tomura says. He probably would, if you were really dead. As it is, he sort of appreciates it. At least Mic is being honest, instead of pretending that you matter to him as anything more than the reason why Tomura didn’t murder everyone in hero Japan. “Sometime today, the Freedom Alliance is going to ask you to send heroes to help them. I want you to tell them no.”

“Why would I do that?”

“They fucked you over pretty hard. Did they even warn you about this strike ahead of time?” Tomura sees Mic’s eyes flash behind his stupid sunglasses. “If I’d retaliated right away, you wouldn’t have even had time to grab your support gear. Why would you want to help them after that?”

“That doesn’t mean I want to help you.”

“I’m not asking you to fucking help me,” Tomura snaps. “I’m asking you to stand down. Our ceasefire is still in place. Do you really want to be the ones to break it?”

Mic doesn’t answer. Tomura’s not as good at reading people as you are, but that doesn’t mean he’s bad at it, and he can see Mic thinking things over. “What are you planning to do to them?”

“Why would I tell you that?”

“Because it’ll change my answer,” Mic says. “Are you attacking or retaliating?”

Tomura rolls his eyes. “What’s the difference?”

“What you’re hitting. Are you fighting a war or punishing them for killing your girlfriend?” Mic asks. “I thought for sure you’d be the vengeance guy. You ripped Japan apart the last time you thought she was dead, and now that she’s actually dead, you’re –”

Mic interrupts himself. A slow smile crosses his face, one that Tomura would deck him over if he didn’t need someone to carry his message back to hero Japan. “You know, maybe she’s not the only brains of the operation after all.”

Shit. Tomura keeps his expression blank. He’s not giving Mic a hint one way or the other. “This is what she fought for. Somewhere people like us could be free of people like you. I’m not burning down the world she wanted just so I can have revenge.”

Tomura wonders how he’d feel if you were really dead. If you’d been stiff and pulseless and cold when he found you in the wreckage. Thinking about it makes him want to claw open his throat.  “The Freedom Alliance is going to ask you for help. Turn them down. Or I’m coming for you when I’m done with them.”

“So that’s what this is,” Mic says. “If we don’t help them, you’ll leave us alone.”

“Right now I don’t have a reason to kill you. You can decide if you’re going to give me one.” Tomura stares Mic down. Mic stares back. “Your choice. Kurogiri?”

Kurogiri doesn’t even have to show up to create a warp gate, but he does anyway. “Hizashi –”

“I’ll tell Shou hi from you.” Mic steps through the warp gate, but not before firing back at Tomura one last time. “Oh, by the way. My condolences. If you need them.”

The warp gate closes, and Kurogiri looks to Tomura. “Did you tell him?”

“He might have guessed. I didn’t tell him.” Tomura’s limbs are starting to hum with anticipation. “Stick around. I’m going to need you.”

He heads back to the conference room, Kurogiri behind him, and gets right in the middle of the argument between Re-Destro, Skeptic, Spinner, Magne, and your ex. Your ex is the one he needs, but if you wake up and find out that Tomura’s forced him to overload his quirk, you’re going to be pissed. “How many more searches can you handle today?”

“It depends on the size of the search. For a large search, three.”

Which means one. Tomura only needs one. One and a half. “Find out what they’d use for a first strike,” he says, and your ex nods. “Then find out exactly where it is.”

Your ex raises his hand to his temple right away. At least you didn’t date an idiot before you dated Tomura. Tomura’s friends aren’t idiots, either. They pick up on his plan without having to ask stupid questions. “How are we going to do that?” Spinner asks. “Kurogiri and Toga for transport, obviously, but we don’t have anybody else on your power scale.”

“We still have Nomu, don’t we?” Re-Destro doesn’t wait for an answer. “I’ll gather additional forces. Strike teams of eight to twelve should do, depending on the target. How many targets can we –”

Your ex shakes his head sharply, interrupting the question. He’s writing things down. Tomura sees at least two sets of coordinates. “What about the heroes?” Skeptic asks. “If we send our best to attack the Freedom Alliance, we’ll be vulnerable to hero Japan.”

“Shigaraki spoke to Present Mic,” Kurogiri says. “I believe they will stand down.”

“Even if they don’t, we’re not exactly defenseless.” Magne cracks her knuckles. “You’ve been hogging all the glory, Shigaraki. It’s our turn to get some.”

“He’s going after the Alliance’s nuclear installations. He’s still going to get most of it,” Spinner says. His eyes narrow. “You’re really going to go? What about Saintess? If you get hurt –”

Tomura’s stomach twists. “I won’t.”

You’re in recovery right now. Every doctor who’s worth anything is keeping an eye on you. Tomura can leave instructions with somebody – Toga, maybe – to go grab the Rewind kid if it looks like you’re starting to go downhill. And this can’t wait. The Freedom Alliance thinks they can do whatever they want. They think Tomura’s going to pick the easy target, not the right one, but Tomura’s done playing their game. He wants you to wake up to a world where you have a second or two to breathe. Where Tomura’s hands aren’t tied by the threat of getting fucking nuked. This has to happen now.

Your ex’s hand falls from his temple. “There are fewer sites than I expected. The countries with first-strike capability are still reserving most of that capability to use against one another, and it will take time to reorient. In order to remove the enemy’s first-strike capability against Japan Nova, you will need to target two aircraft carriers, two silos in the nearest allied countries, and three nuclear submarines.”

Seven targets. It could be worse. Tomura looks at Re-Destro. “How fast can you mobilize?”

“Within the hour.”

“Make it half an hour.” Your ex’s nose is bleeding. “If they’re made aware of a shift in our strategy, it won’t take long to respond.”

Tomura hands over planning the attack to the others. He’ll show up where they tell him to and destroy what he’s supposed to destroy. Between now and then, he wants to spend as much time as possible with you.

The doctors have closed off one room on every floor to use as a makeshift morgue, and they’ve banned the heroes from entering them. You’ve been hidden in the one on the maternity floor instead of the ICU, in case any of the heroes ignore the rules and go looking for your body. Tomura picks his way through a sea of nurses and balloons and flowers and crying babies until he finds the fake morgue, already dreading what he’ll see inside. He steels himself and opens the door.

It’s not as bad as he thought. You’re still hooked up to a lot of machines, but there’s not a tube down your throat any longer – just one under your nose, linked to an oxygen tank. One of your hands is visible, lying at your side with an IV sticking out of the back of it. The other’s under the blanket, out of sight. Tenko lifts the blankets and sees that your hand is resting on your bare stomach between multiple rows of stitches. He wonders if you’re healing yourself.

Your face isn’t bloody any longer. Someone’s wiped it away, although Tenko can see specks of it drying in your hair. Your face is ashen and you’re lying still. But you’re breathing on your own. If it wasn’t for the bandages and the heart monitor and the IVs, Tenko could convince himself that you were only asleep.

He wants to climb on the bed with you, but now he gets why you were always so hesitant about it when he was the one having surgery. There’s not that much room. He doesn’t want to damage anything you need. Tenko settles for pulling up a chair instead, picking up the hand outside the blankets and holding it carefully. Your fingers are limp, but your hand’s warm. When Tenko presses his fingers against the underside of your wrist, he can feel your pulse.

“I told everybody you were dead,” he starts. “They’re all losing their minds. Especially the heroes. They’re so scared I’m going to kill them that they started acting more like you.”

Tenko imagines you laughing. He’ll hear you laugh again soon. Maybe even by the time he gets back from this mission. “The thing is, nobody needed to scare you. Saving people no matter who they are is just what you do. You’re a better hero than the rest of them will ever be. You were even before you had quirks.”

Getting quirks just made it easier for you to be a hero. Tenko knows you would have kept doing it anyway, no matter how hard it was. He didn’t think you were scared of hard things, but maybe he doesn’t understand what’s hard for you. “We have to talk about some stuff once you’re awake,” he says. “We can save some of it for when you’re better, but we have to talk about it.”

You’d be looking away. Changing the subject. “None of it is bad stuff. Just not easy stuff. I mean, some of it might be easy.” Tenko sounds like a moron, even to himself. “Some girl this morning asked if we were getting married. That part should be really easy to talk about.”

For a moment, Tenko thinks he feels your fingers tighten around his. But your eyes aren’t open. You don’t speak or even turn your head. “I promised we could play a new game, but I have to finish this one first. When I get back, we can do anything you want. Even if you want us to be farmers.”

The door opens slightly. Twice squeezes through, followed by Compress – followed by Chronostasis. Tomura’s temper flares. “What is he doing here?”

“Contingency,” Compress says. “If Saintess’s condition takes a turn for the worse, he’ll slow her down again –”

“And Mister will Compress her, too. That way she’ll be easy to move, and nothing worse will happen until the doctors can get here,” Twice says brightly. “Don’t worry, boss! She’s safe with us!”

Tomura trusts them. He doesn’t trust Chronostasis. “She’s the only one who can give Overhaul back his arms,” Chronostasis says. “I need her alive.”

“Tomura-kun?” Toga’s in the doorway, dressed in her mission gear. She’s holding Tomura’s, too. “We need to go. Kiyohara says it’s time. Like, now.”

Tomura wants to say something else to you. Anything. He wants to kiss you, even though there are people watching. But there’s so much he wants to say to you that there’s no way for him to sort through it all in time. He’ll have all the time he needs after he ends the war. Tomura pries himself up from the chair at your side, squeezes your hand once, and lets go.

He thinks he feels your grip tighten around his hand as he pulls away, but there’s no time to turn around and check. All he has to go by, as he gears up for the mission and finds out where his first target is, is the phantom sensation of you slipping through his fingers.

<- Chapter 34

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