Reading Tolkien's writings, both fiction and personal, he is definitely a gender essentialist, and he definitely believes that being a woman meant inherently having certain traits. This was detrimental, both in how he wrote women and saw women (because yes, even being considered more inherently nurturing/compassionate/gentle is still not good for women). That said, I don't get the sense that when a woman diverged from gender roles, this was inherently a bad thing. Certain traits, particularly in terms of sexuality, yeah, for women to transgress would be bad. But when a woman showed abilities not considered masculine, when a woman defied his expectations in terms of capabilities or priorities, there is no sense they should be discouraged.
We know, even while thinking women were limited intellectually, he encouraged female scholars and admired the ones who did accomplish things, and while Galadriel and Eowyn's role as gnc women has been debated as to how much their non-conformity was celebrated, and how much of their character development was necessary for them as women, or as people, there are clear cut characters like Nerdanel, who rejected her husband's orders, who did not travel with Feanor and their children, prioritising her principles over her "wifely" and "maternal" duties/instincts, who wasn't very beautiful but was extremely gifted in sculpting (a traditionally male elven skill), and Haleth who never married, never had kids, but who was a ruler and a warrior, you do see that there is space in Tolkien's works for GNC women to be celebrated.
I think attitudes like Tolkien's in regards to women is less a case of "this is how all women should be"; (in fact, while Tolkien certainly celebrated and glorified some traditionally feminine traits, he also criticised others, or at least portrayed them as limiting blinkered), and more a case of "this is how nearly all women are".
(I admit, I actually feel more comfortable with Tolkien's more critical stance, which, while less flattering than "Women possess these traits and they're all divine angels, and femininity is an unquestionable good", at least Tolkien's stance acknowledges the limitations and downsides of the traditional woman's role and existence, even if he sees that as more a problem with us, than with the role put on us. At least then, in acknowledging there are flaws in that role, then it can also be acknowledged that there are benefits to women defying that role).
The problem then is, while women according to this mindset should therefore be allowed to pursue traditionally male skills and enter traditionally male spheres, if women do not attain those skills, or do not enter those spheres, it is seen as a natural biological/spiritual consequence, and the effects of social conditioning, of societal pressure, of hostility and discouragement, the lack of resources and opportunities, the burdens and expectations put on women, are overlooked.
We see this in the Laws of the Arda, where it's made clear that female elves can, if they desire, do anything the male elves do, they can fight, they can craft, but most of them simply choose not to do so.
