Fool

i hate holiday music so much "giddyup jinglehorse pick up your feet" has the mouthfeel of somethign my homophobic high school coach would yell at me on track day

its that time again

everybody wanna be the most groomable palest lolita chokeable sexxxxy baby in the world ….who gonna be the Grown Women with agency?

you don't need to write a dark deconstruction of Peter Pan where he's willing to kill people and his state of eternal childhood makes him morally ambiguous, JM Barrie already wrote one and it's called Peter Pan

My version of "doomscrolling" nowadays is just going to iNaturalist, browsing pictures of animals and fantasizing about where I would introduce them outside of their natural range if I was some kind of ecology-focused evil scientist. I do this when I'm depressed. I don't know if it helps.

Bring hyena to Texas put Texas in hyena paws humans can trust Texas to hyena pack yesss

How could I disagree with such a trustworthy source

"I want molly" "I want percs" well you're getting leeches

this is not my beautiful circus

these are not my beautiful monkeys

MY NAME, IS FRICKIN MOON MOON. I’D BE THE MOST IDIOTIC WOLF. ‘OH SHIT WHO BROUGHT FUCKING MOON MOON ALONG?’

one million moon moon approaches

i think substack kind of reveals the problem with a lot of young writers and it's that they have nothing to talk about beyond writing and weepy little bits of introspection about "the unbearable fragility of young adulthood" or their failed relationships or living in new york that all say the same things. idk maybe training just to Write doesn't give you much to say

Part of the problem is there's too much culture in New York, paradoxically leading to its residents to only talk about New York. We should ship all the writers to Ohio, so Ohioanites finally have something to talk about and we can get some good substacks about corn fields.

Or, hey, instead of Ohio, how about Iowa? I bet we would get really great non-homogenous culture if a bunch of talented young writers were just shipped off to Iowa to interact with each other and do Iowa stuff. We wouldn't have to get rid of the NYC scene, it could be a competing power center. I think this is the solution to all our problems.

what is like… the most on brand, stereotypical zodiac sign trait is true for you?

The biggest “your experiences are not universal” thing I feel is whenever anyone talks about the universality of girls planning their weddings since childhood because. Well. Not me. God bless

take me to snurch (snail church)

happy 10 years to snurch

oh do not do this to me

when people talk about watching veggie tales like it was a universal childhood experience it's like oh interesting i can't relate as i wasn't raised christian