AD MELIORA, BITCH

one time I went over to a friend's house and their housemate was making paper in the living room, and we saw this big tub full of water they were using to dissolve old scrap paper into a slurry, and everyone was immediately like "oh, you need scrap paper?" and started turning out their jacket pockets and producing expired coupons and bus tickets and crumpled receipts and old shopping lists and whatever else they'd been carrying round with them for no good reason, and passing it all to the paper-making housemate to make sure it was suitable before it got torn up and dropped into the tub, while people took turns stirring the slurry with a big wooden stick. it was strangely ritualistic, like presenting an offering to some kind of temple elder for inspection before placing it in a watery shrine to be devoured and reformed. pulp for the pulp god.

80s misogyny saved the Star Wars galaxy because Darth Vader wasted all his time and effort trying to convince his starry-eyed gayboy empath son to become an evil space fascist when if anyone had any point asked his daughter “hey do you ever just want to KILL these people” she would’ve been shooing lightning out of her hands to prove a point in like 10 minutes

Does anyone know how to be a human being

I’M RIGHT BEHIND YOU

Thank you Evil Wizard, it’s good to know someone has our backs

IN A SCARY WAY

Thank you Evil Wizard, finally someone to scare away the creeps!

I FEEL LIKE WE NEED TO WORK ON OUR COMMUNICATION

think i got music poisoning

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

Alas, sometimes you just have to walk it off

And you have to keep going with your back straight even though it would be easier to limp

A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.

OH MY GOD MY CATS HAVE FANART

they're trying to get me to do something called ""my job"" instead of reading about medieval english poaching laws

also afterwards everyone who was talking about their cool bunker fantasies were like "Damn, Devin's right, we should also be considering helping people around us." which is the only recorded instance of a retail shift making people better human beings.

you should get a second evening for reading fan fiction. And you should get an extra day in the week to do arts and crafts.