Fuck! Sup?

Aries: Tries to act cool, but basically thrives off attention and love. Spends most of their time in the attic. They respond well to sudden tackle hugs and flurries of kisses. Can become surprisingly loving once they feel comfortable enough to show affection. Barbed feet like a bird of prey. 

Taurus: Shy as all hell. They can be quite clingy but will give you space if you ask. Be clear with what you need, a Taurus can tend to overthink things. Constantly shape shifting in small ways to please you. Embarrassed that they have no face of their own. 

Gemini: Kind of a busybody. The ideal breeding ground for lichens. A micro-manager, but in a very caring way. They keep track of lots of details to offset their impulsive and adventurous spirit. Asymmetrical wings covered in unblinking eyes. Prepare for lots of day trips. Knows exactly how you like your coffee, knows your order at every restaurant you visit together.

Cancer: They’re the comfortable sort of partner, perfect to snuggle up with. Wants nothing more than to spend the day in jammies watching movies and eating junk food. Constantly wrapped in big sweaters and blankets to hide the colossal second mouth on their belly. Nervous around other people but fiercely protective. 

Leo: Outgoing almost to a fault. It seems like nothing ever goes as planned but things always end up fun. Reject from a soviet supersoldeier program. Loves to show you off to other people. Made of spare parts from the other rejects. Brash, sarcastic sense of humor. 

Virgo: Empathetic and loving, absolutely obsessed with you. Loves to drape themselves on you like a blanket. Teases you constantly. No legs, but instead has a long prehensile tail that they wrap around you like a belt. Needlelike teeth for boning fish. 

Libra: Charming and talkative, bit of a rambler. Loves to go on dates but wants to make sure they're “special”. Sometimes they feel like they don’t deserve you. Keep that affection coming. Silence makes them uncomfortable, this can be remedied with a nice hand holding. Sometimes you find them outside at night staring up at the stars, producing what sounds like radio static. 

Scorpio: A huge dork. Cute to a T. Memes and too-big-hoodies. The sort of person you’ve been friends with forever. Knows a lot about guns. Sometimes you kick yourself for not noticing them earlier. Vanishes for several months at a time and returns covered in scars. 

Ophiuchus: Quiet, seemingly shy. Deeply thoughtful with a gift for making plans. Lost their left arm years ago. Constantly watched over by a spectral crane. A top.

Sagittarius: Cool beyond their years. The sort of person who makes anxiety and worries melt with their presence. No idea how attractive they are. You feel like this isn’t the first time you’ve met them. You still remember their name.

Capricorn: Well traveled. Likes all the same things you do, constantly introducing you to new art and artists. Anachronistic clothing choices. Witty and loves to tease you. Welcomes criticism, very fair and even-headed. Protective of the ceremonial harpe they keep with them at all times. It glows blue in the night.

Aquarius: Deeply artistic and intellectual. Could listen to you talk about your projects for hours. No concept of linear time. Always has a new perspective on your thoughts. The sort of person you could lose days talking to. Only pretends to sleep to make you feel better. 

Asexual stories need to be told, so when BBC3 got in touch and told me that they wanted to cover the UK Asexuality Conference 2018 as part of a documentary on asexuality, I was excited to say the least. I would be speaking on two panels at the conference, providing some representation for Black aromantic asexual women. After coming out publicly as asexual last year, I have tried to use the platform I gained through fashion modelling to raise awareness for asexuality, so this opportunity was a perfect fit.

BBC3 were there from start to finish, filming the diverse display of asexual people I’ve ever seen. There were people from all walks of life – there were married asexuals, asexuals with children, transgender asexuals, Muslim asexuals, asexual people with disabilities, polyamorous asexuals, homoromantic asexuals, aromantic asexuals, teenage asexuals, and older asexuals. You name it, they were welcome and included.

We were filmed as we told our stories, such a powerful array of stories – some rocky, some smooth, but all equally empowering. BBC3 took a group of us aside for an in-depth group interview. The group was predominantly young and white, but it represented different types of asexuality and asexual experiences. But I soon realised that BBC weren’t interested in diverse experiences… They wanted the ‘lonely asexual’ trope.

When we sounded too positive, they were quick to put us in our place. They turned away from those of us who were happily aromantic, or happily in relationships, and drilled the singles for details about how it felt to be an unloved asexual who couldn’t find a partner. It seemed to displease them that some of us had even – god forbid – had sex and not hated every second of it. Quickly, they turned away from a guy who fit that category, rotated the camera to me, and asked, “If you had to have sex, how would that feel?”

“I wouldn’t have sex,” I answered.

“But if you had to, how would it feel?”

How would it feel if I was forced to have sex? Would a hypothetical rape make an aromantic asexual more interesting?

From then on, I sensed that BBC3 had an angle that they were sticking to, but I couldn’t have anticipated the patronising, whitewashed, exclusionary mess that they aired. They intelligently called the documentary, ‘I Don’t Want Sex,’ but what we actually got was, ‘The Undateables: Asexual Edition,’ and I was horrified.

I cringed as the cameras zoomed in on the presence of stuffed toys and action figures in one of the participant’s bedrooms, as if attempting to make her seem child-like. However, that was nothing in comparison to how I felt as an asexual guy was guided into a sex shop to test his levels of discomfort (which was obvious), or as they quizzed a girl on masturbation and vibrators in a room conveniently decorated with sexual images. I rolled my eyes as one of the participants eased an asexual guy through the art of texting a potential romantic interest, like teaching a child to read, and how an asexual girl not speaking to guys in a bar was treated as a cause for concern.  

Asexuality is not synonymous with innocence and a lack of social skills, but it seemed like BBC3 didn’t want the public to know that. They also missed the detail that asking asexual people about what they do with their genitals is as inappropriate and invasive as asking as transgender woman whether she still has a penis. It’s an obvious, needless attempt to try and gauge how seriously someone should take another’s asexuality.

I was running out of hope by the time the conference was included in the last five minutes of the show, but I was curious to see what BBC3 had deemed important enough to show. Out of the hours and hours of footage they had of me, they decided to show me wiping my eyes, as if crying at the brief and uninspiring conversation about asexual clothing choices that they decided to air. Only, they knew that I had eyeliner in my eye. We had laughed about it on the day, they had supposedly paused the filming while I had been given a tissue to solve the problem. If I needed any more reason to suspect that the portrayal of asexual happiness was too much to ask for, that was it.

The closing statements of the documentary added insult to injury. “Cute asexuals do exist.” That’s the message that was taken from the conference? When we sat together for over an hour and opened up to BBC3’s cameras like it was some kind of group therapy meeting, I didn’t realise that we were being observed to see which was us were ‘cute’ enough to date. Well, the boys were, at least. It was time to add the old ‘asexual people aren’t good looking’ stereotype to the growing list featured in this documentary.

I am not just upset because BBC3 took an empowering, celebratory experience like the UK Asexuality Conference and tried to turn it into dating show. What bothers me the most about this documentary is the narrow, stereotypical portrayal of asexual people and asexuality – and just in time for Asexual Awareness Week. I know that BBC3 had the opportunity to do better, but they decided not to, even though this documentary could be the first and only time that people see real asexual people on a mainstream platform.

For the nervousness about it, what helped me when I started capoeira (and started aikido) was focussing on doing the moves correctly, and not worrying about what I looked like doing them. I basically said “fuck how I look, the most important thing is to do the move correctly” then several months later more experienced students were telling me that I looked beautiful doing the capoeira moves. This hasn’t happened in aikido yet, but I know if I keep at it and keep focussed on doing it correctly the same thing will happen. 

@thenonbinarywarrior​ also says that they take several deep breaths and just clear their head and focus more on what they are about to do than about any of their stresses or anything that could go wrong and to just do it once you reach that mental point of not worrying any more. 

Also, you don’t have to be naked in a locker room. I go to Martial Arts training wearing exercise clothes, and you can also change in a toilet stall. 

—

— “Laziness Does Not Exist” by E Price on Medium

So the thing with chickens are, they are adaptable and frankly, do not care.

you

can

use

just

about

anything

Here are some more that I like: