Body? What Body?

Beautiful Woman: Oh no!

Luo Binghe: The good news is I know a cure, but the other bad news is the cure is you have to fuck my dad.

Tianlang Jun: *waves, the arm falls off*

Beautiful Woman: Oh. Uh, can't I fuck you?

Luo Binghe: What??? No of course not!! I'm married!!! It's weird corpse guy or die.

Tianlang Jun: I am mostly mushroom actually.

Like if any peak lords or Cang Qiong sect members found him he would have been dragged back at record speed regardless of he's disguised as a human or not.

LBH is not ready he's freaking out, he has no plan. He just got out he has no idea what to do.

SQQ is freaking the fuck out this is to early Binghe how did you speed run the abyss??

Just these 2 staring at each other both internally screaming and freaking out both completely wrong footed while everyone else around them is just breathing a sigh of relief. Finally oh thank gods SQQ is fixed now no more widow mode.

Just both with no plans and no idea what to say or do.

Neither can run away or get out of this.

Peak lords and disciples just shoving LBH at SQQ like 'Fix'

Even Meng Mo is kicking LBH like talk to him stop moping!

Scum Villain fandom turns the characters into everything from adorable pets to majestic dragons to skin creatures and yet still more or less just smacking them together to kiss like barbies. Shen Qingqiu would have strong opinions on being depicted as a kind of lactating hairless cat with a human face, and also on all the gratuitous smut, and they would probably not be flattering opinions.

MDZS fandom has so much discourse hell and intense debates that often devolve into accusing some character or other of being completely morally indefensible, just the worst person who is secretly responsible for all the bad things in the story. Wei Wuxian would hate it, canonically that shit just flashes him back to the worst moments in his own life, so I think MDZS fandom would give him hives.

nothing.

And like, he definitely hated Madam Yu just as much as he hated Shen Qingqiu on first read, but whereas Shen Yuan found Yue Qingyuan to be a reasonably cool guy, he thinks Jiang Fengmian is a major loser. With Yue Qingyuan there was some ambiguity as to why he let Shen Qingqiu run roughshod over him, plus he was a legendarily cool Sword Guy who famously sealed away the last demon emperor, even if PIDW never really gave him a chance to show off his skills in the story itself. But with Jiang Fengmian, he's just letting his wife terrorize everyone out of guilt over an old flame? Like not even a major transgression? Just that he liked someone else before he married her? And he's not even a strong cultivator!

Shen Yuan doesn't hate him or anything, but he's not interested in mending fences when he transmigrates either. He's perfectly happy to live in Madam Yu's separate house in the same compound, and immediately focus efforts on trying not to fuck those kids up so bad and also prevent his character's horrifying death. His chief annoyance is that he didn't transmigrate in sooner -- Wei Wuxian has already been brought into the family! And mistreated by the madam for a few years! Plus, Shen Yuan has to break the stupid OOC lock before he can stop outwardly treating that kid like trash.

But eventually he gets a mission to take the kids on a night hunt. He takes both boys plus Yanli along, because his system doesn't specify which kids, and having been a chronically ill kid in his past life he feels like it would just be mean to exclude Yanli if she's not having an actual flare up.

The skinner demon quest is actually pretty much the same as in PIDW. There's a rash of mysterious murders, and the cause turns out to be a malevolent ghost that has been possessing young women and wearing out their bodies with resentful energy until they literally fall apart. The main difference is that the skinner demon doesn't monologue, and the end confrontation is a lot more harrowing, and nobody gets tied up in fanservice ropes. Wei Wuxian helps Yu Ziyuan rescue Jiang Yanli, and Shen Yuan unlocks OOC mode and is finally able to start being nice to the protagonist.

He's also able to start doing things like change the training regimes for the Jiang sect disciples, offer constructive criticism (instead of just berating them), throw out all of the disciple whips, and dole out head pats and even the occasional hug (these kids are seriously touch-starved).

Further thoughts:

-He's gonna accidentally mess Jiang Cheng up worse in some respects, I think. Like in canon Jiang Cheng could at least console himself that even if his father didn't like him, his mother definitely preferred him to Wei Wuxian. Shen "blatantly picks favorites" Yuan is not going to offer that anymore, even if he is still going to be nice to and fond of Jiang Cheng.

-SY's internalized homophobia will manifest in whatever way is funniest, as per the laws governing his existence. I think he'd decide that he was going to be a helpful and tolerant Responsible Authority Figure about Wei Wuxian's unavoidable gayness. Thinking to himself, well, at least Lan Wangji's a respectable young man and pretty enough to be a woman. But given his own bad experiences with his sister's hardcore yaoi, plus wangxian's canonical cnc kink, he'd probably make it his mission to protect Wei Wuxian's dignity as the protagonist and health & safety as his own precious disciple by trying to encourage him to be a top. But like. Without ever actually mentioning sex either.

-Lots of metaphors that only convince Wei Wuxian that Madam Yu is worried he'll let himself get stabbed for some reason? Meanwhile everyone else in the sect is increasingly convinced that part of the continuing marital discord between the sect leader and his wife is due to Jiang Fengmian sucking in bed.

-The plot gets further derailed when Shen Yuan interferes in the death of Sect Leader Nie (Mingjue and Huaisang's dad). I'm not sure if we have a concrete chronological time for that death, but if we do I'm changing it to happen around when Wei Wuxian is like 13/14. Shen Yuan attends the event where Wen Ruohan provokes Sect Leader Nie into a qi deviation by accident, and kind of considers it a tactical blunder on his part (Sect Leader Nie's death is part of what pushes the Nie sect immediately into the confrontation with the Wen -- if it doesn't happen, will they hold off longer? Will the sunshot campaign be more difficult to organize?), but he can't just sit there and watch this guy qi deviate to death either. He's been planning to try and do something about the Nie sabres anyway, so he decides to consider it a test run and intervenes.

-Nie Mingjue's dad is basically Liu Qingge. Nie Qingge? Anyway, Team Steal Madam Yu From Her Loser Husband gains its first active member!

By the Holy Mausoleum arc, he clearly sees that Shen Qingqiu has knowledge beyond what a human cultivator should be capable of, and by the end of the Bing-mei vs Bing-Ge extra, he knows where Shizun got that knowledge.

It's not a huge stretch to deduce that Bing-Ge is the man Shizun was running from in Jin Lan; a violent conqueror with a harem full of every woman his well-meaning teacher has ever tried to encourage him to romance. Once Shen Qingqiu confirms that he's met Bingge before, that inference would be all but confirmed. even without any knowledge of the system, he has gotten like 85% of the story straight.

SY, experiencing cute aggression with the power of 1,000 suns (internally): OHHHHH MY GOD THAT IS THE CUTEST THING IVE EVER HEARD OF, THE GAP MOE IS TOO POWERFUL!!!!!! RAGHGGGG IM GONNA DIE FROM CUTE OVERLOAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

SY (out loud): Pinkie is a great horse name, I’d love to see it sometime. Reminds me of the stuffed cat I used to sleep with, named Kitty. :)

LMY (internally): Damnit…

1- I don't wanna doxx us so I'm not telling you where we live, but suffice to say, neither of us are American, and gay marriage has been legal here for less than five years. For both of us, this is the first relationship we've had where marriage was even an OPTION, and I think that's where we've been getting some of that whole 'this has to be a REAL proposal with EVERYTHING' idea.

2- I gotta figure out how to explain this properly. So, I'm pretty used to being the GUY guy in relationships? I was always the one who did the nice gestures, not the one they got done for. Before I met my dream guy, I didn't really notice or care that it was such a thing, I just assumed that's how shit worked. Also, I promised I wouldn't talk a lot about his stuff here, but his last boyfriend before me SUCKED. Anyway point here is, it turns out we both REALLY like feeling swept off our feet sometimes, and a big part of finding each other has been getting to feel special for once? That's a stupid sappy way of putting it the point here is I think all that's what morphed into "I need to be the one getting proposed to, also it has to be completely perfect", and then our Petty & Extra genes got involved.

So I'm sitting in bed thinking about all that up there, and watching all the comments coming in basically being like "Dude, you are BLOWING this" on repeat, and telling me to compromise, and I look up and see him flossing in the bathroom and making all these doofy faces at the mirror, and it's like a switch just flips in my brain, and I'm like "Oh, I'd rather he gets to have his perfect proposal than we both have an okay one". I'm gonna do it.

Morning rolls around, and while I'm 'out for my jog like normal' I hit up a pawn shop for a temp ring (the ring pop thing is cute but NOT HIM). I found one I was at least confident wouldn't get ruined the first time he got his hands greasy (he fixes old machines as a hobby it's hot as hell), got back home, and hid the box in the toe of my nasty ass workout shoes in the bedroom closet, since I figured he'd check there last.

He was still asleep, because he stays up late no matter what and then is SHOCKED he's tired the next day, so I called and booked a table at our usual anniversary spot. (Side note about the 'he picks bad restaurants' thing. This isn't an 'I like Greek, you like Chinese' situation, dude's just BAD at finding places. He either assumes pricey is tasty and I get to eat some overrated gourmet bullshit, or he'll try and find something hip and underground and risk giving us food poisoning again, and he REFUSES to give up and pick somewhere we've been before when it's his turn to plan date night. I'm obsessed with him <3.) Date was set, I'd propose on the 21st.

Some of you might have noticed this, but fun fact! It's currently the 16th.

Last night I'm doing dishes and he's been sent to our room for mug collection duty, and he's taking FOREVER, so I go check just in case he found the ring, because the man's a gift tracking BLOODHOUND. Turns out he hasn't, he's found my Angry Box.

I assume other people have an Angry Box? Basically, we had this huge messy fight right when we first moved in together, and I never wanna let it get that bad again, so I have this shoebox where I keep a bunch of our stuff I can look at if we're fighting and hopefully cool off. There's one of those photo booth roll things, letters we wrote when he moved back with his parents for COVID, the wine cork from our first date, shit like that. Anyway, he's just sitting on the floor staring at it, and I explain about the Angry Box, and then he! Proposes!!! Kind of.

He definitely didn't have anything prepared, because by 'propose' I mean 'ugly cried & rambled at me for several minutes before I figured out it WAS a proposal', but once I got on the same page it was amazing. I said yes, and he had to admit he didn't have a ring for me because he was CONVINCED he'd win and I'd do it, so I grabbed mine because, yeah, he was right. He was like "this is the ugliest ring I've ever seen" and I was like yeah well the plan is to replace it later and he went "No. You can pry this off my cold dead fingers. After I'm buried with it." So I guess it's not a temporary ring anymore.

I'm just gonna go ahead and skip to this morning. I pointed out we still have the reservation, and he said I should propose there anyway because "We can get a free dessert. They have those creme brulee shot glasses you like. And for love, or something" and I said ok deal, but that means you gotta get me a ring to keep it fair, and his eyes LIT UP. When I swung by his work for lunch he was still on the phone with a jeweler and he had a whole page of notes on three other ones. Pray for me.

OH PS: I was RIGHT that he'd been the one behind the cat biting me, but it wasn't about the proposal stuff, it's because I paid my baby sister three dollars to shout 'fuck you' every single time he enters a room she's in for (if you ask me, he should be madder at my sister for charging so little), and he did it by giving her a bunch of treats for biting his hands too, so now neither of us can pet our baby girl without oven mitts on. HOLY SHIT I love this man.

Oh my goddddddd I love everything about this <333 I awwww'd out loud on a voice call, like, six times while reading. You two are friggin perfect for each other and so obviously smitten with each other and I wish y'all all the happiness in the world

PS Are y'all planning to have a big wedding? If so oh boy I can't WAIT to get that one in the inbox