rantings of a seer of heart

sensations reminiscent of summer days past and salty-tread waters

outer layers shed, revealing soft alabaster skin innocent jellyfish stings and calculated laughter

one last chaste kiss (a means to an end)

skin red and burnt from childish bravado scalded from shallows

dry fissures along my back mapping the cracked canals now lying between us

and wants and wants

with my nose with my tongue

with my teeth with my fingers

wishing to touch wishing to feel

wishing to hold and be held in return

longing to dream longing to remember

longing to exist in suspended timeframes and in bated breaths

with soft wanting gazes and gentle reaching grazes

i seek not understanding but merely acceptance

by your grace let me lay next to you

wanting and shivering needy creature as i am

i'll be your haunter i'll be your ghost

i'll scour the world just to find you

i'll run next to you nipping at your heels

i'll whisper sweet nothings (veiled threats) and encroach upon your ear

i'll seep under your skin and wear you like a suit

i'll never leave you i'll be your inevitability

run along now i'll count to ten

harvest its liquid gold cupped within the palms of my hands

bring it down to you halve it in two

i'll bottle them both one for sunrise, one for sunset

your favourite times of the day yet

you could have all the time you want you could have all the space you need

i'll soak in them cherry blossoms to bring you eternal spring

a symbol of hope, and of evergreen

you could have anything you ever want you could have everything you ever need

safely tucked away from my selfish greed

i'll steal the stars for you and sprinkle them like glitter in your jars

you were never going to stay no matter all the lovely words you'd say

i'll bottle up my feelings of warmth for you and leave you to your merry way

one for solace in darkest of nights one for comfort in bleakest of times

under your care, transform me into your most ideal image of me

before the mirror, before your eyes recreate what you wish to see

i crave to pay witness to your vision

i beg you to unmake me into a version that you'll always love

for what am i before your adoration

your love is all i need to come undone

so put me back together piece by piece a little bit different

a little bit changed

flickering, dimming, powering down the infinite constellations created in your image

the asteroids have ceased their orbits, the sun has lost its pull

what point is there of the sun, when there is no you

so let me become the dying sun in the wake of your absence

come hither into my arms as my world collapses around me again, as it has so many times before

the death, the destruction, the desolation of it all

let it pierce into the crevices of the black holes in my heart, cratered, and resembling the moon

shatter me and return me to the stardust that once was, aimless and anchorless in the deep vast outer space

a wretched wasteland, awaiting a new purpose to be reborn

may the remaining particles of my stardust knit themselves back into a blanket to lay upon your shoulders

silently wantingly

i grew these for you coughed them right out from my chest cultivated from tears unshed dripped directly onto the bones of my ribs

a bloom grows unprompted with every indication of your presence

to harvest, i twist & sever, biting down the howls of desperate prayer

i leave weeds behind to fester — a deathbed for my unquenchable despair

even when i have nothing left to give and im nothing more

let me be, at the very least, this garden by your lovely door adorning the path which your feet will inevitably tread upon

im no skillful gardener nothing i tend to grows to fruition

but these blooms i grew from you i lay by your feet

they might not be something you wanted but it's something ive created

The flow of time never stops Even when they're gone

Tick, tock

The day begins.

We set up the table We bring out the food

Tick, tock

We wait and we keep waiting

for people who won't return

Tick, tock

But still, we wait It's an endless wait

Tick, tock

We clear the uneaten dishes We clear our own plate

Tick, tock

We water their plants We dust their room

Tick, tock

The day ends.

We lie on their bed Lacking their scent and warmth

Tick, tock

Memories may fade but the body still remembers

Tick

Tock

Still we follow the ticking of the clock

Tick

Why were we doing this again?

Tock

Ah, there goes the clock. Time to take our places.

it's easy to follow, you can do it right

one arm up, and one arm down

wiggle all about, and spin a-round!

take my hand, let's go on a ride

you don't know me and that's all right!

let's dance dance dance the whole night through!

sooner or later I'll get to know you!

twinkling eyes and glinting teeth what you see on the outside can't be perceived underneath

My scent, My voice My intention's Sweet

beckoning, beguiling deceptively saccharine

i'll take you up i'll take you down

no thoughts head empty Adrenaline Candy

no Where, no Who no What? no How

by the time we're done the party's once again begun!

we're sweet we're fun we're addicting, you'll see

but perhaps you'd like to

sharp shark teeth lining my throat

larynx, lacerated, bloody gaping maw

swallow the blood and try not to choke

words, they refuse to form, dying on the tongue

breathing shallow every inhalation like knives

like seams ripped over and over

look into my eyes when you fire your parting shot

gentle and loving, tender breaths on my lashes and upon my cheeks

poetry in motion fingers dancing along my skin

like dappled daylight filtering in through our curtains, spilling onto the floor

your presence like warm honey dribbled into morning chrysanthemum tea

come cloudy days or stormy skies you’ve never failed to bring the light back into my eyes

the world centered where our palms meet

a warm coffee for me and a hot tea for you

soft sighs and sleepy smiles one chaste kiss, or maybe two

your devotion had become a curse soon morphed into a bane

its shape ruined no longer the same

what was once light has gone twisted light of their eyes, ashen and leaden

corrupted and stale, a forgotten lost passion a cold, empty altar abandoned in divine fashion

flames abated with halting breaths weeping wax candles and unheeded prayers

ashes, dust foul rot wrought in the air

charred fingertips and bloodied knees steadfast heart and one-sided kisses

still you weep still you pray

even if theyll no longer spare you the time of day

before you, and even with you

a gaping wound, leaking black matter

being held in your arms only served to conceal one half

while emptiness continued to bleed from the other

heavy-handed, unthinking fingers curling deeply into pliable flesh

every broken promise every insincere apology

even then i let you pry me further apart

allowed you to crawl in until you settled fully and heavily in my chest

i’m whole, i’m whole - the lies i tell myself smiling with tears in my eyes and arms full of you

when you finally decided you’d outgrown me you’d left without so much as a goodbye

and in your place was a you-sized excavation,

one should only into venture the deep if you're ready to drown

yet you struggle, you push, you choke & gag

why resist me, when you claimed to pursue me?

why guard against me, when it was you who heeded my siren's song?

why do you gaze upon me in fear as though i’m the cause for the seawater slowly filling your lungs?

was it not you who sought after me, my dearest?

did you get more than you thought you'd bargained for?

steal all my riches, divest me of all my treasures everything you wanted from me, willingly did i part

escape to shore, when you can take me no more

your shoes are waterlogged, my dear your skin pruned from briny sea's touch

before they split open the soft pads of your devoted fingers and showered their bodies in saline solution

regale me tales from whence you used to have stars in your eyes and hope for love in your heart

share with me times before your eyes began to screw shut in reflex and your hands began to recoil from the slightest adoring touch

teach me how to love you wholly, now, with all your broken and bloody pieces