#kms fr

flickering, dimming, powering down the infinite constellations created in your image

the asteroids have ceased their orbits, the sun has lost its pull

what point is there of the sun, when there is no you

so let me become the dying sun in the wake of your absence

come hither into my arms as my world collapses around me again, as it has so many times before

the death, the destruction, the desolation of it all

let it pierce into the crevices of the black holes in my heart, cratered, and resembling the moon

shatter me and return me to the stardust that once was, aimless and anchorless in the deep vast outer space

a wretched wasteland, awaiting a new purpose to be reborn

may the remaining particles of my stardust knit themselves back into a blanket to lay upon your shoulders

and what really gets me is how my mom doesn’t understand why i struggle socially when i missed years of normal interaction because i was in the hospital dealing with a chronic illness. like… yeah, that kind of messes with your development! shocking, i know! i wasn’t out making friends or learning how to exist in group settings, i was just trying to make it through another day of being sick and pretending everything was fine.

now she’s confused why i get overwhelmed in social settings or don’t know how to just “put myself out there.” maybe because i spent so long just trying to survive, not thrive?? and now i’m supposed to be a fully functioning adult with flawless social skills and no anxiety?? be serious.

this seems to be accentuated by how off he keeps being about things (offering of war/dennis being shot being "awesome"/being unable to read subtext both with dennis ["figure of speech"] and donald) and how much he's looking for a sense of meaning that he used to find in his identity until s15 made him realize how pointless it was (in a way that reminds me of his crisis in goes to hell 2...), but legacy, history, money and prizes are worth nothing if your heart is not in it.

and in a way I think dennis is coming to the same conclusion which is why he's the only one who can understand mac.

dennis "you're just being honest about how you feel" reynolds, so concerned with authenticity and upset by the perceived lies when it's just his own denial making it that way. that's building the biggest lie of all.

if we're looking for the Point, then the point is to have fun and embrace feelings. Big Mo already showed this.

it's interesting to me how it seems that mac and dennis are working off of each other in the way sunny works as a whole. because if mac is the structure and the text, and dennis is the subtext and the jokes (it's how he's trying to communicate in inflates but it's also the whole reason he comes with mac in madbu), they kinda NEED to be working together for the show to work... they need to find their harmonies, they can't just one or the other lead, they gotta have each other's back.

and also like, a small coda. this season deals so much with nostalgia vs how the past really was, there's so many flashbacks.

becoming aware of denial and reality can feel really upsetting but ultimately it's a positive development.

if "the hair is a lie" chopping off the head isn't the answer, that was the old way of doing things (in times of war... murder, betrayal, beheadings... "we figured out what works a long time ago"), but now we're looking for peace. basically, death isn't the answer. building your legacy doesn't have to be like pulling teeth. "this doesn't have to be a scam"

it's a good thing if we start seeing things for what they actually are, because it means less denial.