#yearncore

to turn it into something sharp and pointed

for you to run yourself into

should you come back unfaithful

and that wasn't fair

so when you returned I had to quickly flip the stake

let you grasp onto the handle

while I hid its pointed shaft in my stomach

pained by my own lack of trust

and your goodness

I should've known

that we were made from the same kind of pine

that we both saw the moon and anchored ourselves to it

that you wrote to me every night

and missed me as I missed you

I should've known that we were special

that you felt for me

and hoped just as much as I hoped for you

I'll swallow my sword

let the heat of my shame melt it back into bluntness

and a million dreams

a handful of stars

and a mississippi moon

that night we had a warm fire too

and I had enough bravery

and you enough compassion

for me to show you some of my wounds

and that night I had your arms around me

and you had my head against your chest

and we had just enough warmth for one of us

and I was lucky enough for it to be me

for a night we had an island

a sleeping dog at our feet

and a dream of a life we could share

a life with dogman and a van and each other

especially each other

and in a lot of ways,

like naming a star

so I'll treasure every pixel of you

until you return

accepting that you'll only exist

in grainy videos

singing, dancing, and laughing

a light as small as a star

but just as bright and unwavering

a source of hope

and a sense of direction

I know I'll end up at home

with their hands in their pocket

who tripped and fell on the rocks

sweet boy, silly child

too casual for caution

so much to learn, but learn you will

darling child who doesn't quite fit in with the boyscouts

homeschooled and purehearted

how easy it is to see

that you will grow into someone I love

and one day I'll meet you

and we will walk along the lake

your cold hands exposed

and it will be me who trips

and even though I don't fall

hoping it would be warm enough

and soft enough

to where you wouldn't want to wander

and for a while you didn't

and it was nice and sweet

special and rare

I loved the time we spent together

so now when I look at my empty hand

like a moth misses the first time it saw light

piercing through the punctured hole

of its chewed through cocoon

and now I find myself

a silly moth

drumming against florescent light

knowing it will never hit as hard as the first time

my hand pressed against your beating chest

and I'll be unable to stop my frantic fluttering

until I find my way into the safety of your closet

to nestle in your worn out sweaters

and sneakily gnaw some holes in them

so the next time you wear one

I can catch a glorious glimpse