the number 1 rule of fanfic is have fun and be yourself. the number 2 rule is the average healthy adult male can lose roughly 2 liters of blood before dying.

I thought you threw a Playstation 2 controller into the sea

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

saw someone including "Mandate of Heaven" as one of those christian terms tumblr likes to use to sound profound. which i get where you're coming from but t☝️hat one is chinese

Everyone say thank you sanitation workers we owe you our lives sanitation workers

if you've ever pet more than a few dogs you'd Know what dog residue is

Why the fuck are dads just like *grunts* *sniffs* *sigh* *cough* *sniff* *grunts* like sir can I help you

How could I forget the classic Most Frightening God Damn Sneeze You've Heard In Your Life

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

Blue Lois

can i help you

Red Marge

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

World Heritage Post

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

I’m sorry but this is the funniest thing I have ever seen ever in my fucking life her PEETS are STICKING OUT

customers the same in all universes

this is it. this is the best response i’ve ever received on this post. everyone pack up, go home, we’re done here

Do you ever see a complicated meme that expresses a very specific feeling, and while you wouldn’t have said it that way, it instantly resonates with you?

did anything happen with this

i heard they got involved with human trafficking?