i might be a mess sometimes (but that's ok)

if your animal is lying on the floor, furniture etc, it’s important to take a picture of them. then, if they move or shift in any way, it’s important to take another picture. with this technique, you can take many pictures of your animal

being a kid and hearing adults say stuff like "woah 2011 was 4 years ago haha" didn't really convey the fucking horror of a youtube video crossing my recommended labelled "9 years ago" and it's from 2017. that's not true. 9 years ago is 2010 or something. don't lie.

women have no idea how hard it is being a man. for example, [describes an experience that is not at all exclusive to being a man]

and the sequel [describes an experience that is more common or worse for women but isnt taken as seriously]

when i was a kid i was so mad all the time bc i thought someday i'd have to be somebody's wife i didn't know it was optional. is everybody reminding the young girls in their lives that it's optional.

How to tell a person “hey you are responding to a narrative that you’ve made up in your head rather than what’s actually happening” without sounding like a gaslighter.

Hate how much A Little Treat has infested me. Any small discomfort and I'm immediately like oooo maybe exchanging money for goods and services will fix this situation.

Remember: toe beans are the sign of a killer.

Funnily enough, I’m not 100% joking. While many animals have paw pads, the particular kind of soft, squishy beans found on housecats are an adaptation for stealth. Squishy beans mean you’re looking at an ambush predator.

These are the beans of a killer, Bella.

[True crime podcast voice] her family remember her as a mean and unpleasant person who darkened up a room. She hated going to church, despised children and the elderly, and never answered her phone

locked the fuck out. distractionmaxxing

Maybe if I just work harder, this empty cup will pour again

Maybe the cup needs a bit of time to rest and refill?

Maybe the cup needs to lock the fuck in???

sleep is stolen time. don't let them take it from you anymore. tonight. we are staying up. til one billion o clock.

listening to an album you used to love but overplayed for yourself after a really long time after the overplayedness has worn off and it sounds like it's supposed to again is the closest to being in heaven you can get during your mortal life i think

it's crazy when couples & friends & whatnot refer to themselves as "a packaged eel". like wow you two are so close that you are fusing into a long slimy fuck... & theyre putting you in a box......

trauma dumpling

🥟

dude honestly shout out to my guards i told them to seize this guy and before i could even finish my sentence they soze him. My goats

there's something stupid going inside my head