"i am not even hoping for success. i just don't want to be miserable." this is a sentiment hwang dong man keeps repeating. this is also the sentiment that hwang jin man cannot seem to voice out loud. the faint routine of attempt-rescue-survival, the lights out, the paced out silence, the dimmed light from the corner of the bathroom door, the dawning recognition on dong man's face, the instinct to look up, to support the hanging body, his body knowing where the stool has been kicked.
and jin man is used to his brother coming in to save him. he knows what time his brother comes back. he leaves the door slightly ajar for the light to peak out. and in episode six, we don't even see it coming. we see jin man smile for the first time ever. he leaves out a handful of peanuts for the birds hovering in his area. we're set up towards the feeling of hope and then instantly taken to the attempt scene. this is indeed the most accurate representation of depression i have seen in a while. life can feel better, it can feel hopeful, you can look around and find so many reasons to live but there comes a moment when it's still difficult to overcome the weight of worthlessness, nothing else matters. your entire life feels caged in that one intense feeling. it's a feeling that makes you want to end it all while also silently screaming "help me".
jing man and dong man are similar in these ways. they are two faces of the same coin. they are equally depressed. except dong man has other ways to cope with his feeling of "worthlessness". he voices it out. he manifests the ugliness of it all into words. jin man lost his reason and his words when he lost his daughter. he barely speaks or eats. he barely lives at all. he doesn't know how to. he attempts because he doesn't know how to deal with not knowing how to live. he works incessantly because of the same. labour is an equally self destructive routine for jin man.
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