Soft tissue smiley boy.

rolling snake eyes is a bad thing. being a snake in the grass is a bad thing. being cold-blooded is a bad thing. the english language is so fucking hostile for snakes why do you hate us so bad

NOT TO MENTION snake oil salesmen are famously sketchy. why do you hate our oils

really funny character concept i will definitely be using some day: oil salesman who is a snake. introduced as a snake oil salesman

he's a painfully honest and sincere oil salesman. he's not selling miracle cures he's telling you exactly what it is. and what it is, is oil. he's got olive oil coconut oil corn oil. every kind of oil you can think of

Ouuhh I see the water it’s right there on the post,, I’m so thirsty ouyghhhhhw just one sip for me ooouuuuuu

oh that gap in my resume? i was imprisoned by the lizard king for a few years, it was a whole thing. big misunderstanding, completely exonerated. but that ties into the next item on the list, 2 years as consort to the lizard king. that was actually a volunteer situation

on the subject of it often being out of character for characters to be having carefully negotiated bdsm sex in smut fics: 90% of metal gear ships are insane toxic yaoi and would definitely be having sex that is neither safe nor sane and only borderline consensual HOWEVER otacon and snavid would be thoroughly negotiating kinks before during and after sex like theyre doing mission briefings on a codec call

we've been doing this thing called "hitting the nosferatu" where you hunch your shoulders and walk towards things while pointing with a long creepy finger

girl it’s just a 3 day trip, you do not need to bring your terracotta warriors 🙄

Velociraptors are scary but really they aren't that scary because they can't change speed. They always move at exactly the same rate, so they're predictable and you can avoid them. The real one to look out for is the acceleraptor

it's called a museum because me 'n' u see 'em

Tubby at da vet he is in hell

my doctor told me i have to do PT this fucking sucks

these exercises are sooo monotonous like i keep walking down the same hallway over and over 🙄

who was that.

the fucking fetus in the sink won't accept my insurance

this is a terrible time to be alive *remembers the latter half of the 14th century* this is a not so good time to be alive

hey op how do you remember the latter half of the 14th century

not fondly. I do not recall it fondly.