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old man in the library got a phone call, someone on the other end says loud as fuck “hey pittsburgh phil what are you up to?” and pittsburgh phil responds “i’m in pittsburgh”

Nobody ever says "I love your sharp fangs." They all just say things like NOOOO NO NO NO PLEASE GOD DON'T KILL ME!!!!!!!!! tch. I wasn't going to but you were rude so now I have to.

i love your sharp fangs and also i want you to kill me (sexual)

Alright hold still

oh... so you don't want to see me struggling against you as your fangs rip into me? that's fine i guess...

If you struggle I might puncture something vital and then you'll bleed out too quickly. I want to take my time...

alright fine but can you promise to puncture something vital when you're done?

Of course.

also if you want you can keep drinking my blood even as i'm bleeding out. think of it like an egg sandwich with the runny yolk dripping out of it. except the sandwich is gasping in pain and horrifically mutilated

hey i'm going to the store to grab some snacks, do you or your living weapon want anything

Don't be ridiculous. My living weapon does not want.

you say that but i'm pretty sure i saw it lingering in the chip aisle last time we went. i'll grab an extra bag of sour cream and onion chips in case it changes its mind

Hmm. That's concerning. It's not supposed to do that.

sounds like you might need to worry about it developing a sense of self and having an identity crisis. it happens. but it might as well do it with a fun little snacky y'know

My living weapon wants a sprite can u pick one up for it

i could only find the knockoff store brand, hope that works

Well. It's angry. It's probably going to kill you now. I can try to call it off but idk if it'll listen and honestly I like the agency it's started to show for itself it's really compelling character growth even if it is a bit violent

come on it's not my fault the store wasn't stocking it. but fine i have my own living weapon to keep me safe. and it's not all bad since it hasn't been able to stab anyone recently so this will be a nice bit of enrichment for it at least

Aww that's sweet. I know they'll both love it. If you want I'll make popcorn and we can watch

hey i'm going to the store to grab some snacks, do you or your living weapon want anything

Don't be ridiculous. My living weapon does not want.

you say that but i'm pretty sure i saw it lingering in the chip aisle last time we went. i'll grab an extra bag of sour cream and onion chips in case it changes its mind

Hmm. That's concerning. It's not supposed to do that.

sounds like you might need to worry about it developing a sense of self and having an identity crisis. it happens. but it might as well do it with a fun little snacky y'know

My living weapon wants a sprite can u pick one up for it

i could only find the knockoff store brand, hope that works

Well. It's angry. It's probably going to kill you now. I can try to call it off but idk if it'll listen and honestly I like the agency it's started to show for itself it's really compelling character growth even if it is a bit violent

teacher and apple dynamic

hey i'm going to the store to grab some snacks, do you or your living weapon want anything

Don't be ridiculous. My living weapon does not want.

you say that but i'm pretty sure i saw it lingering in the chip aisle last time we went. i'll grab an extra bag of sour cream and onion chips in case it changes its mind

Hmm. That's concerning. It's not supposed to do that.

sounds like you might need to worry about it developing a sense of self and having an identity crisis. it happens. but it might as well do it with a fun little snacky y'know

My living weapon wants a sprite can u pick one up for it

i met a blade of grass the other day who contained the sum of all universal knowledge both human and alien

i ate it and its last cries were acceptance

@fangs-4-fags @sheherlockholmes

Oh my goddd I love this thang