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no please love me, everyone in the room has to love me i have to be pink and soft and delightful, terribly edible. it is how i photosynthesize, yes, i drown on land otherwise; i can be so graceful and giving and bittersweet. please, i don't know how to exist gently, you need to pick me up by my spine and when i breathe it needs to be lovely. i can be lovely!

magic. i am going to be magic for you. i will pour out of an empty space and into your throat! my dad talked once about his friend's dead wife - that's what he said, my friend's dead wife - and how the whole town turned up at her funeral and said she was such a good dead wife and how the church filled up with his friends and his family, all there for the still-living widowed groom. i can be like that! i can be in a box with no name! come back, please.

I told him if he ever had the urge, to just leave me. I tell all my partners that. don't put me through it. and he agreed. he knew. actively.