ryder lynn

Completely mortifying.

I’d just have to wait for someone else to do something even worse to take the heat off me. I don’t know what could be worse though so I’d be in exile for a while.

Thanks, man. You know I never say no to celebrating adult style. You free tonight? Oh, that would be great. Always looking for a few chaperones, so I’m putting you on the list. If you want to borrow one of my Stetson’s just let me know. I got so many different suggestions… do country, don’t do it… I’m gonna think about it over the weekend and make up my mind on what to do. Probably gonna be a mix of pop and country. 

Yeah I can do tonight, I’ll need to go home and shower so I can meet you from like 8pm? We can get all the beers in, and maybe some nachos too. Fuck yes, and I’ll definitely take the Stetson. I’ll be wearing it all weekend for sure. Well you’re probably the one with the most experience and you’ve got this far, so just go with whatever your gut is telling you.

I have to admit, I had NO idea that getting involved in this spring dance event would be so time consuming…I feel like all I’ve been doing is dancing or going over the not so fun logistics behind it. I could seriously use a break.

That being said, if anyone wants to see a pretty epic show where a bunch of dance performances blend together into one massive, moving show all around campus, our first night is in two weeks…I’d love to see you all there. 

Sounds rough - although it also sounds like you volunteered to do this so really it’s your own fault. Man I’d love to but unless your show is coming on tour via Ohio, I’m not going to make it. I’d love a one-man reenactment whenever you next get your ass back here though.

Oh man.. As a food guy, I think I have a whole list of joints that I want to hit up! The night was insane! It was a good time, and I had to manage a lot of it so I didn’t get to have as much fun as I wanted but it went well. That’s the pain of organizing things though, I suppose.

I mean I’m not a food guy in like, a being a critic sense but if you mean just enjoying eating food then I’m right there with ya. Yeah definitely, you’ll just have to make sure someone else organises the next one so you can just kick back and enjoy everything. Leave it to someone else to be the sensible one. 

If that’s the old guy with the beard that could literally win every beard competition they have in the US, then yes. That guy. If I had a power, I think I would like to read minds. Only because I keep getting told that my mind doesn’t work the same as everyone else’s, but I don’t really know how unless I can somehow read someone else’s and compare them. I could probably use my powers for the good of science and write a research paper. Like a real hero. What about you?? 

I’m sure middle aged men can enjoy it too. Maybe not in Lima though.. People there are kinda weird about stuff like that, which makes me sad. I never really noticed how bad until I moved away, though. 

Yeah that’s the one. Can’t miss him. And fair enough - although it’s weird to think that no-one has ever read anyone else’s mind. So how do we really know how everyone else’s works? It’s like colours. We call something red but how do we know it’s red? Who came up with that? How do I know that what I’m calling red is the same thing as what you’re seeing? I think I’d be a cliche and go for the ability to fly. Seems the most useful with the least drawbacks.

I’m sure middle aged men can enjoy it too, and good for them, but I think I’d rather keep my clothes on at work than put on any kind of show for them. Plus y’know, it’s dangerous and stuff. Don’t want to touch a connection with my shirt off and accidentally fry a nipple off.

Yeah, that isn’t ideal. Though, it could have been worse. You could have sent an image along with your booty call text. That would have been bad.

Oh wow, yes that would have definitely been bad. Like change my name, cut my hair and move to a different part of the country and not speak to them for ten years bad. 

Dude, it’s always safe for you to come and watch, you know, just so you know. Exactly, that’s what I thought it would be as well. I knew that yeah, you got to have a job to pay the bills and all that but that there still be time for the fun things. A guys night out… now we’re talking! When you wanna go and do that? Cause I’m so here for that. 

Just checking, I don’t want to be subjected to having Katy Perry stuck in my head for a month again. Yeah being an adult is wanting to do the fun things but knowing you have to spend the money on stuff like heating instead. Awesome! Whenever you’re free dude, it’s not like I have any other plans. So like this weekend, next weekend, whenever.

Your grandma knows what’s up.

Apparently so. I just hate that she’s gonna bring this up at every family gathering for like, the next 10 years - at least.

I swear every time I step foot back in Lima it feels so weird. I grew up here, I went to school here, but having to have bodyguards while I drive to visit my parents seem so ridiculous. Anyways Lima, Ohio! Guess who just got back from tour and decided to pay homage to her old stomping ground before heading back to LA? AKA who’s mom made her promise to visit? This girl!

I once had a girlfriend who made me watch The Bodyguard like 20 times. Is shit as crazy as that in real life? I bet your mom was happy to see you though, mine gets weird if I don’t talk to her for a week and I only live on the other side of town.

Daww, thanks for saying that dude. Yeah, no, same here. Getting to hang out with you guys was the biggest pro of those rehearsals for sure. No more ‘bootcamps’ like that. Haven’t put those kids through anything like that, ever. Oh, then you got nothing to worry about, no mash-ups this year. Quinn’s going to come and watch tomorrow, so if you wanna come as well, let me know. The more the merrier and all that. Hmm, maybe you’re right, maybe it’s just adulting. It sure isn’t as fun as I thought it would be. We need to fun things up. Like that Palentine evening you threw at Valentine… Game night or something, idk.

No worries man, it sounds like you’re doing a great job. The kids are lucky to have you in charge. And okay great, then it also sounds like it’s safe for me to come down and watch. Right?? I always thought I’d just be able to do whatever I wanted and go out all the time but in reality I just watch TV and play games until I fall asleep at like 10pm every night. Oh for sure, I’m always up for games night. If you ever want a guys night out, I’m also down for that. Drink some booze, dance with some girls, blow off some steam. That kinda thing. 

That old man from Harry Potter was way over a hundred years old and he could still get it. Being a wizard must be awesome, but I’m not sure I would like to live forever. I’d be like one of those old ladies who don’t know how to use the Internet. I’m good at math so I guess that’s my thing.. Like my dead dad. It can be boring sometimes, but they mostly just let me do whatever I want in my lab, as long as I made the Institute look cool. Fixing cars isn’t a bad thing, I don’t think. The world would literally stop working if no one was around to fix cars. And it’s totally uber manly and girls are into it. Maybe you could charge extra to fix things with your shirt off. Like a Lima thirst fest.

There are a lot of old men in Harry Potter. Are you talking about Dumbledore? And yeah it would be awesome. If you could have one magical power, what would it be? Oh wow. Math is hard so you must be like, super smart if it’s your thing. Yeah cars aren’t that bad - and we do kind of need them these days. Not like there are many horses around to just use instead. That’s an interesting business idea but somehow I think I’d just end up with oil and shit all over me and it would just get messy, not hot. Plus sadly a lot of my customers are middle aged men, which is like, not my target market. I’ll keep it in mind though for if I need to earn a few extra bucks.

That has got to suck. Like, a lot. But thank you, Ryder. I really owe you because you’ve made me feel a whole lot better about the embarrassing things I did at my mom’s wedding reception. Did your Grandma reply?

No problem, happy to help where I can. Drunk stories fit right into my wheelhouse. Yeah she replied in the morning asking if I was okay and reminding me it wasn’t polite to message people after 9pm, especially nice young ladies. 

No, Ryder. Not score. 

Of course not.

I mean you’ve got to give the guy some credit. He saw a pretty girl and shot his shot, that takes guts. Now my next question - did you leave his balls intact or nah?

Right?! Remember the stressing and the whole boot camp thing Mr. Schue always put us through to teach us all the last minute things he changed? I like to think I got it handled a little better than he used to. Dude, feel free to drop by this week to watch rehearsals and let me know what you think after you sat through one of them. Same old, same old for me too. Things can get a little boring at times around here, don’t they? 

I’m sure you’re doing great dude, especially compared to Mr Schue. I’m not sure you could get me to do another one of those rehearsals if you paid me. The only good bit was getting to hang out with you guys. And okay will do, although if there are any One Direction mash-ups then I am outta there. Yeah they really do, although I think some of it is just being an adult in general.

My mom sent me a few photos from the wedding and drunk Quinn is a look. At least it was fun, though. What did everyone else get up to this weekend? Drunk and embarrassing stories would be appreciated.

Oh man, drunk photos can be the worst - I hate when there’s evidence of what you did. Well I got very drunk on Saturday and then tried to text this girl I was talking to to see if she wanted to meet up at like, 2am. I sent the messages to my Grandma by mistake.