Milk first, then cereal.
Blocked and reported!
Does anyone else eat cereal with a spork?
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@optimistic-baddie
Milk first, then cereal.
Blocked and reported!
Does anyone else eat cereal with a spork?

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Imagine you are lost, flying through a black night in a vast world, blown by fierce winds and hunted by strange creatures. Wild and disorientated, you stumble into a cave, and seek sanctuary there. It is a dark, wet place, but you only have to survive until daylight.
And then you look up, and see the stars. And you think that you are saved….
Let me tell you about
Glowworms
Glowworms are essentially a magical fantasy creature that wandered into our world by mistake. They are unlikely and unreasonable, and I am extremely fond of them for the following reasons.
They imitate the night sky…
Glowworms, which live only in caves and riverbanks in New Zealand, are the larvae of a species of gnat. As the name suggests, they are indeed wormlike while in larval form.
They live in large colonies, clinging to cave ceilings, and oh how they glow. They glow so brightly, in fact, that at first glance it’s easy to miss all those oh-so-fine silk strands.
Millions and millions of yards of silk, wet and sticky, dangling overhead. The fact that all this knotless netting is hidden in the dim light is no accident. It’s there for a purpose.
…in order to hunt.
Glowworms are enthralling to watch, but at the end of the day they are larvae. And larvae only really have one job in life: to EAT. Unlike fireflies (which are an unrelated type of beetle) glowworms use bioluminescence not for mating but for hunting. In this way, they are more like angler fish. The light is their bait–the silk is their lure. Even at close range, their traps are quite beautiful to see, like strands of pearls or the crystals of a chandelier.
These threads are essentially fishing lines. Each worm drops its own thread…
…and waits patiently to reel in its catch…
…which it then consumes alive.
And this is where the glowworm gets its scientific name, Arachnocampa luminosa, or more literally: glowing spider-worm. Interestingly, the light-emiting molecule responsible for the glowworm’s luminesences is called luciferen, named for the Latin lucifer, “bringer of light.”
After months of feeding, these larvae will build their cocoons, emerge as adult gnats, live just long enough to lay eggs, and so die. Gradually the eggs hatch, the night sky is reinvented, new constellations are born, and the cycle begins anew.
So remember: this world contains countless miracles of nature, but nature plays by its own dispassionately cruel rules!
When you see the stars, you know you will live. You are a frail thing in a vast world, a sailor in a storming ocean–and like a sailor, you live your life by the stars. You are a navigator, born with wings on your back, born to fly: so you fly. You lift your gaze to the sky and take flight, floating up, up to the stars. You will be home again, you will be safe again, and in the morning the world will be new.
And as you rise to meet the stars, they descend to swallow you.
paypal / ko-fi
I DID NOT ENJOY THIS ADDITION
The definition of magically delicious! I'll take five.
trump come to tumblr
everyone against this was clearly never here for when Alex Jones made a tumblr and got run off, not by staff banning him, but by regular users sending him messages saying they were going to fuck his wife
I would absolutely love to participate in getting trump onto this website just to bully him off
We should send Trump the Tony the Tiger and The Grinch fanfiction. @biggest-gaudiest-patronuses
for everyone asking about my Very Sensible Name Choosing Algorithm™, aka how to save your child/yourself strife down the line, written in regards to White Baby Naming Culture:
one spelling. chose a name with one spelling. one possible spelling. saves so much trouble every time you make a doctor’s appt or order food. (or at the very least, pick the most common spelling.) otherwise you will be asked “how do you spell that?” approx 8800 times in their lifetime. save yourself the hassle.
one pronunciation, preferably intuitive. saves a lot of hassle if teachers/receptionists/etc can look at your name and be able to guess how to pronounce it. again, you will otherwise get asked “how do you pronounce that?” approx 8800 times in your lifetime.
common enough that most people have heard it & know how to spell it (see Rules 1 & 2)
uncommon enough that you are likely to be the only person in your class/peer group with that name
UNISEX
i want to add that these don’t apply to cross-cultural names. i was 13 when i came up with this, so it comes very much from the perspective of a white child who hated their name for multiple reasons.
Keep reading
well fuck you’re not WRONG
My name is Lex, no one calls me by my actual first name so Lex has just become the norm. It fits between the guidelines.
name 2 foods with the same ingredients that otherwise bear no similarities whatsoever?
French Toast & Egg Salad Sandwich
i told myself this post was a great idea & i could live with whatever knowledge was unveiled & it turns out that was unfounded conceit on my part, bury me deep but gently in cold earth
y'all put mayonnaise in your french toast?
Mayo is egg and oil.
Pancakes and cod fish (cod is usually made with flour coat so it doesn’t burn before it cooks).

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Please stop breeding :) faces, they might be cute but they have trouble breathing. Please consider the :-) breed or the :^) breed instead. They have the same temperament as the :) breed but with none of the breathing problems.
Every time I see this I get the inability to read past “please stop breeding :)” and recoil a little bit in the shock from that
I immediately assumed this was regarding straight people breeding too much.
ppl are so annoying “you can’t paint ur bedroom pink you’re an adult” i did not spend my entire life waiting to grow up and control my life to paint my bedroom beige
I had a sales woman in furniture store try and tell me not to buy a hot bubblegum pink loveseat because she wanted me to “think about the future”
Bitch, I am thinking about the future. I already got a hot bubblegum pink couch at home and now I need a loveseat to go with it.
when I first bought my house, I announced my decision to paint my bedroom purple. I had wanted a purple bedroom for thirty damn years, you fucking bet I was gonna have one now. My friends decided, for some reason, that I meant what one of them referred to as “14 year old girl purple” (through what’s wrong with the colors a 14 year old girl chooses, I don’t know, even if they’re not what I want as an adult). They didn’t believe me until they saw the color on the actual wall, even thought they helped me pick out paints. My mother, meanwhile, decided to get worried that if I painted my bedroom a “dark purple”, it would be “depressing”. As if, with an entire house to live in, I would spend all my time in the bedroom, which I wanted to be dark because I would be sleeping in there. In the damn dark.
I had like one, maybe two friends who were all like FUCK YEAH YOU PAINT IT WHATEVER COLOR YOU WANT, PURPLE BEDROOMS ARE AWESOME.
But when they actualy saw the finished bedroom, every single one of them was like, “Oh yeah, that’s really pretty.” (Well, the ones who supported me from the beginning were more like WOOHOO.)
And the moral of the story is: Fuck ‘em, please yourself. Either they’ll come around, or you can safely ignore every question of taste they opine about for the rest of time.
This applies to other adulting activities, too. When I was a kid, I decided that I wanted to have a wedding cake made of doughnuts. When I got older, I figured that I would be “mature” about it and get a traditional cake, which the older adults approved of. Now that I’m 25 and facing the possibility of actual marriage in the near future, I’m just like “marriage is a social construct but it comes with tax & insurance benefits, so just give me that goddamn doughnut cake.” If they don’t like it then they don’t have to come to my wedding.
https://xkcd.com/150/
I would like you all to view my office. I’m thirty and my rainbow room is awesome, people can fight me
I’m thirty and my first big furniture purchase was a custom coffin shaped coffee table that opens up and is lined with purple crushed velvet. I would have loved it at 13 and I love it now. Growing up doesn’t mean you have to abandon what makes you happy.
GROWING UP DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO ABANDON WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.
YAAAAASSSSSSS
Fuck society, paint your room whatever color you want. Pick whatever kind of chairs or furniture you want. Do what you love in life because it’s your life. Choose what your heart truly desires.
I'd like to nominate Kiersey Clemons who I think would be a perfect Persephone.
I'd also like to nominate Godfrey Gao as Hades. Please and thank you.
I think this would be absolutely perfect.
in case anyone was wondering, this is Dean Balsamini; the NY Post reporter who doxxed a 23 year old EMT for having an OnlyFans account despite her begging him not to publish the story after he snooped around on her anyway.
aside from trying to make ends meet as an EMT with an OnlyFans gig on the side, she also was working as a part time restaurant host, during a pandemic. this piece of shit reporter went behind her back and informed her employer about her OnlyFans gig. Dean Balsamini and Susan Edelman disregarded the ethics of journalism and published the story as well as the EMT’s name without permission anyway, resulting in a maelstrom of heartache and stress for this 23 year old EMT who has since received death threats and has lived in fear of losing her job—DURING A PANDEMIC.
let Balsamini know how you feel:
A reminder to everyone that outing a sexworker is an act of VIOLENCE as long as we are still fighting for decrim.
My heart goes out to this woman in this horrendous time, especially on today, December 17th: the international day to end violence against sex workers.
What a pathetic piece of shit. I wouldn't even call this man a vulture, I instead consider this deplorable man something a vulture would eat.
I love that u can just. gently toss cats on the floor
One of my cats won’t jump out of your arms if you are holding her. Instead, she will climb onto your back then proceed to attempt at nap time.

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Before and after my neighbor started mowing their lawn. Toby (multicolored brown one) just wants a fucking nap but Callie (tuxedo kitty) does not approve at all.
Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*
My cat: Father is...evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.
The spiritual successor to Miette
Might I also add
May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit
Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children
I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from "i can has". Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they're talking about.
My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang
Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.
My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang
Me: ksst!
My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she's been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!
Me: ok
My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang
Can haz snackytreat
(source)
Source
This post is the most reblogged post of the year! Congratulations!
My cats do every single one of these things. I also taught a couple of them to open doors, hindsight that was a very bad idea.
I’m afraid of Americans
This is super real.
Completely accurate.
@pre-successful America exposed.
It’s hilarious watching non-Americans react to this with fear because I read it just nodding along like “yes, in fact this is How Things Are, there you go”
If you ask an American how they are and they respond “Super.” that means they want to die
ACCURATE
If they say they’re peachy it means they’re tired of existence
If they say “Living the dream,” it means “please kill me, I hate my job so, so much.”
also “that’s a great question” means “I have no freaking idea”
if asked “how are things going?” and they reply “its going” it means theyre in the middle of a mental breakdown
“Getting by” means that I, personally, I am just barely surviving at the moment, please don’t ask any difficult questions.
Also if you actually answer “How are you?” honestly, it will cause other Americans to have a total BSOD response. We don’t know what to do.
If someone from the south goes so far as to say “things could be better” it’s safe to assume their composure is hanging by a thread and you should either back away slowly or materialize a box of tissues like a clown pulling handkerchiefs out of their sleeve.
If an American says “See you around” it essentially means if I see you in person again I will gut you and shove your entrails down your throat until you gag. Also I’m American, I do not necessarily speak from experience.
"I been in the medical field 30 years and I know these masks dont do shit! Were all turning into little socialists!" Well lady sounds like your "medical field experience" is just your personal beliefs.
“I been in the medical field 30 years”
*is receptionist at doctors office*
One thing masks do is keep the germs from you mouth for you and only you. When people speak or open their mouths at all, germs from saliva spread to the people, animals or inanimate onjects around them. Please wear a mask so that you keep others safe and motivate others to wear them to keep yourself safe. Or just fucking stay inside.
every time i listen to “you’re a mean one mr. grinch” i can’t help but sit there and think “what did the grinch do to hurt you?” because dude just stands there for 2 minutes and 58 seconds and drags the grinch into the dirt
he stole christmas, kayla! stop with your #notallgrinches propaganda!
you know what if someone told me i was a three-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce i’d probably be bitter enough to steal christmas too
Interestingly, though The Grinch Who Stole Christmas is narrated by Boris Karloff, the big musical number is sung by the late Thurl Ravenscroft - an American voice actor better known as the voice of Tony the Tiger.
My headcanon is that the Grinch and Tony the Tiger had a bad breakup, and “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” is the resulting breakup song.
Did this really HAVE to be the first thing I see when I opened up Tumblr?
Yes.
oh god theres art
@altadude you know what must be done.
ive been avoiding reblogging this honestly but just. What the fuck. What the fuck tumblr
I apologize to all my followers for this
if i had to read this you do too
I have a hate-hate relationship with this
Good grief… I’m sorry, but I can’t not reblog this…
Tis the season bitches
DAMN IT WHY WOULD YOU BRING THIS BACK YOU HEATHEN
Why is this on my dash?
…..I’m.. Bothered? by the fact that I’m not bothered by this.
You’re not bothered?? I’m not only not bothered, I’m freaking invested. I’m having actual empathetic sadness for The Grinch. I want them to go into couple’s counseling. I want the “ten years later” when Tony visits Whoville on business and meets the reformed Grinch whose heart has grown 3 times its usual size. I want them to reminisce over a shared dinner of roast beast and wine, then spend a drunken night together, then realize that maybe things are different and people really do change. I want a 3-act story where there’s a long dark night of soul searching and the realization that maybe we’ve all got a little bit of bad banana with greasy black peel inside us, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make a damned fine banana bread if someone will give us a chance.
“maybe we’ve all got a little bit of bad banana with greasy black peel inside us, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make a damned fine banana bread if someone will give us a chance” is an incredibly profound quote and I did NOT expect to get it from a Grinch x Tony the Tiger post
so i’ve decided to make this happen actually
Fucking hell, why was this on my dash? I don’t feel the need to be traumatized like this.

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reminder to:
straighten your back
go pee goddAMN IT STOP HOLDING IT
go take your meds if you need to
drink some water
go get a snack if you havent eaten in a while
maybe wander around the house/stretch a little if you’ve been sat at the computer a while (artists especially: sTRETCH THOSE WRISTS)
reply to that text/message from earlier you’d forgotten about
maybe send a nice lil message to someone having a bad day?
I just would like to thank everyone who ever reblogs this so that it somehow ends up back on my dash because I usually need the reminder (especially the drinking water one)
Maybe take a walk outside or open a window for bit to get some fresh air.
13 what’s your score
10 not too bad