King Of Pathetic Men

Melanie Martinez wishes she was Grimes. Grimes wishes she was Bjork. Bjork wishes she was 2 inches tall so she could go inside the computer and have a big adventure

I need a blowjob but I don’t have a penis or a strap on and I’m not taking off my pants so you’re just gonna have to figure it out

a CEO walks into his office “any messages?” he asks his assistant “two anons want to know who tom petty is and one just says ‘post your ballsack’” “got it. check my dashboard” “that skeleton gif you like is back again” he rubs his chin pensively “mm. reblog that”

Punk is about supporting your local libraries and throwing hamsters into a river

You gotta get the hamsters to skip along the river like stone if you just chuck them and they sink immediately that's emo, not punk

This is one of your worst posts yet man

You called me dirt sucking poor and told me my carrot looks like a cock

new enemy i came up with called the "false mimic" this is just some guy that hides in chests and bobs the lid up and down like a mimic breathing. he has 1 hp and if you smack the chest he starts begging for his life snot and tears running down his face

I WAS BORN YESTERDAY. I JUST BLEW IN FROM STUPID TOWN. THIS IS MY FIRST RODEO. PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME.