Mr. Vanilla Milkshake

They offered me a job as a fucker. Yeah you heard me right, a fucker. Job is to fuck things. Boss points at something and says fuck it, I fuck it. That's my job. And I'm damn good at it. Pays like dirt and wears on the mind. Wears on the mind.

never take for granted the moments when you’re not nauseous

Smiles fondly at my memories

Deletes them all

Can I hit or do I have to pay tribute to the rest of your polycule first

Twenty bushels of millet to milady with the neopussy. Twenty five to the it/she because it does the dishes most often.

little bit of advice: if you can't tell if a post online is a joke, you should always assume that it is not a joke and the op is either an idiot with an inflated ego or is lying on purpose for malicious reasons. in both cases the best course of action is to aggressively correct them and insult them, maybe even threaten to kill them

the buddha taught this

my dead wife. the ad free internet

eyes emoji was the perfect invention for nosy people. like 👀 whats going on over here 👀👀 i just wanna know #LetMeKnow 👀👀👀

Alarm Off perfec t time for put lying in bed to t/hink! Inside very Quiet and Peace thoughts very productive put in Alarm Off. Put Thinking in Alarm Off time. no problems ever lying in bedd with alarm off because good Contemplation and Eyes Closed for difficult deep thoughts about day. alarmOff yes safe place to close eyes lie in bed can trust not to fall back asleep. friend bed

am I unforgivable or is it just thursday

Polycules should be able to trade people like sports teams do

Listen -- you're a good defender and your pussy is fantastic, but that's not what our team needs right now. We're trading you to Greater Boston in exchange for someone who has a car.

you would think, like, "oh, we've already thought of all the metaphorical ways we can say penis/vagina. we've already come up with the full list of nicknames. we have exhausted the list of innuendos. there is nothing else new to be said about this" and then you'll open a random explicit fic and make the most improbable linguistic discovery of all time

would you like to share with the class 🤔

saw the term "gummy walls" last night and had to sit alone with god for a minute

would you like to unshare with the class

i love narcan i love plan b i love cross sex hormones I HATE almond milk it's too thin for most vegan drinks and baking yet too fucknasty flavored for a lot of cooking you'd want something thinner for so what's its deal exactly

sometimes you just want to coat your mouth with a film of bitter slime.

That's why I go to your dad's house.

I hope everyone loses the world cup and then the universe explodes

when tiger met dragon

crouching harry hidden sally