#incorrect batbros

Jason: my bad. I got kidnapped

Dick: what masochist kidnapped you?

Jason: the police

Steph: Is this some sort of rich person thing, why’d you get a sailing license?

Dick: I needed to defeat a rogue and we could only reach him by boat

Tim: Was Killer Croc in the marina or something??

Dick: Actually it was Aquatic Joker

Tim: Hey Dami? Damian: Ya? Tim: When you first came to the Manor, why did you speak like that? Damian: Hello, why are we being racist? Tim: NO I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOUR ACCENT- Damian: uh huh and what are you talking about? Tim: The fact that you speak straight out of an SAT vocab quizlet Jason walks in and immediately turns around. Both Tim and Damian spot him Damian: Todd, care to join the discussion? Jason: I'm good thank you I just gotta analyze the DNA of the um coffee, k bye- Damian: JASON GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE Damian: IT'S BECAUSE OF HIM Damian: YOU FEAR MONGERED ME ABOUT THE SAT FROM THE RIPE AGE OF 7 Damian: I HATE YOU Damian: I HATE YOU SO MUCH Jason: As your designated English tutor, I felt as if it was necessary for your future success Damian: YOU READ MARY SHELLEY SO MANY TIMES I ACTUALLY HAVE IT STUCK IN MY BRAIN Jason: WELL THERE WEREN'T ANY NURSERY RHYMES IN THE LEAGUE AND well mumbling Frankenstein was really personal to me Tim: on the floor laughing WAIT SO JASON BASICALLY CONDITIONED YOU TO HAVE A CLASSIC LIT PARLANCE Jason: indignant LIES AND SLANDER. IT'S NOT MY FAULT HE DIDN'T PICK UP ON CASUAL ENGLISH IT'S NOT LIKE I SPOKE FORMALLY 24/7 Damian: YOU BARELY SPOKE AT ALL YOU HAD A SELECTIVE MUTISM Jason: HEY, I BETTER SEE YOU GET AN 800 ON THE READING & WRITING SECTION ON THE SAT THOUGH Tim: SO IT'S FOR THE BEST? Damian: YOU JUST REFUSED TO TELL ME IT WASN'T NORMAL I THOUGHT EVERYONE IN NEW JERSEY SPOKE LIKE THAT Tim: genuinely choking on his laughter NEW JERS- NEW JERSEY??????? LIKE THAT????????? PFFFFFFF

Tim: I was so confused when you first showed up, I thought you were possessed by an Oxford Lit professor or something. That or you really wanted to get that 1600 on the SAT Damian: You literally aren't even that far off Damian: First Jason basically is an Oxford Lit professor, just with guns and insecurity Damian: And second, he told me that College Board created the SAT to rank people based on intelligence and that the dumb ones get outcasted from society and of course my brain was like ah I need to ace this test to prove my worth Damian: HE TOLD ME TO SPEAK LIKE THAT TO 'PRACTICE MY VOCAB' Damian: I LITERALLY USED A QUIZLET TO MEMORIZE THIS Tim: JASON YOU WERE LITERALLY PROJECTING Jason: WELL IT'S NOT LIKE I COULD TAKE THE SAT SO INSTEAD I WAS LIKE I CAN DO IT VICARIOUSLY THROUGH DAMI

i want it to be like fucking. Forrest Gump levels of insane connections. there's an old news report about some kind of incident like an attempted attack during a winter Olympics game held in Beijing years ago, and Damian will casually walk by like 'oh yes, i remember that game. Todd made me take a photo holding the torch after he stopped the attackers.' and then everybody has to just stare while he walks off. he's spotted briefly in the background of a nature documentary when a specialist visits a tribe in the amazon rainforest, and Tim watching it genuinely thinks he's seeing things until he shows Damian and the kid casually goes 'yeah Todd trained with the leader of their tribe, so we were there for about nine weeks. i have a box of old polaroid's taken during the stay if you wish to see them?'. Tim is losing his mind. Bruce finds an old photo of toddler-Damian in the Fortress of Solitude playing with Krypto and he's about to go into cardiac arrest about Clark lying to him until Damian tells him 'yes, Jason worked alongside Kara as the Red Hood on multiple occasions, and she always had us meet her in the Fortress of Solitude when Superman was out.'

Bruce: And what do you do if you get stopped by the cops?

All of the kids: let Tim or Jason deal with it as the two white passing ones.

Tim: My life is a little too much fall out and not enough boy.

Jason: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance

Damian: My life is a little too much imagination and not enough dragons.

Damian: Father, May I go to Zoo today?

Bruce:No Damian, you're grounded.

Tim:Oh, that's bad. I could go with you to take photos of otter, but if you are not going I think I will stay too. What's a zoo without company. Maybe I will go with Kon next week.

Bruce *Super happy in a moment of thinking his youngest kids getting along*: If you two agree not to kill each other, Damian can go

Tim and Damian:*Knowing looks*

Or situation like;

Tim who has abandoned issues and is having fear of people leaving him: Dick is mad at me. Can you stab me so he will be in his mother hen mode Instead?