Shit Show Live Baby

why does uber give me notifications like “hey… do you wanna take an uber rn?” As if I’m ever just chilling like yeah a $40 car ride would go crazy right now

that’s her. the Task Manager

woke up this morning, rolled over, and very confidently tried to blow out my alarm clock like a candle. absolutely no precedent for that.

Ebeneezer in 1742 wakes with a start as for some reason he has put out his guttering candle by slapping atop it ith the palm of his hand. His hand is burned and his nightgown and cap are spattered with hot wax.

Fascinated by the perceived necessity of an Equivalent Exchange

If megan thee stallion was on veggie tales she'd be a green onion called megan thee scallion

the average rap battle has nothing on people who are still deeply in love after twenty years

okay fine you have suffered more than Jesus

thinking two characters have had sex does not equal shipping at all… i dont have to like it i just know it happened